Page 24 of A Subtle Scar
“Oh, bite me, Hermes,” I said just as the door opened.
And there was Chandler right there, wearing a T-shirt over dress pants, and a plain apron over all of that, his black hair just a little bit messy. Mmm. Had aprons always been this…sexy?
His blue eyes went from Hermes to me and back again. “I’ve never had gods arguing loudly in the hallway before, but you two are about to get me a noise complaint,” he said.
“Oh, his fault,” I said and pointed at Hermes, the guilty party.
“Hello,” Hermes said, and he was giving Chandler the same look I’d seen him give those humans ready to orgy at previous orgies. “Also, the one with the bad hair day over there is at fault.” He pointed right back at me.
“You look quite fetching today,” I said, ignoring the teleporting, comforter-stealing ass.
Chandler’s eyes narrowed. “Far be it from me to dismiss a compliment, but I’m afraid I’m busy. And you two seem to have the wrong door, maybe even the wrong city. Definitely the wrong idea.”
“Oh, not at all,” I said.
“Nope, we’re right where we want to be,” Hermes said. “I mean, I am. He’s wrong,” the ass said, his pointy finger flailing.
“Might I give you a hand in the kitchen?” I asked. “I’d hoped we might talk. I enjoyed our talk last night, brief though it was.”
“No, uh-uh. Ronny sheds, and you’ll never get the clumps of hair out of your pipes.” Hermes straightened, pushed out his chest, and closed the distance between him and me in a futile attempt to shoulder me away from the door, not that I was going to budge. “I will cook for you, baby. Anything you want. I make a mean French toast, or so the, ah… People. Who have slept and woken in my vicinity. Have mentioned my French toast is to die for and almost as good as my cock. So they said. Let me show you.”
Chandler cocked an eyebrow, and his ice blue eyes sparkled with humor. Oh, he was such a beautiful human.
He asked Hermes, “You want to come inside and show me your cock?”
I sniggered. Hermes deflated.
“No! I mean, did you want to see it? If you want to see my cock, I’ll be more than happy to show you. But I’ll make you French toast. The best French toast. And coffee. The secret is grinding the beans right before you pour the water, and you need to store them in the freezer, obviously.”
“Well, it’s three in the afternoon, and I didn’t sleep in your vicinity, so I’m going to have to decline.”
I could hear the gears in Hermes’s head turning. “The French toast? Or the cock?”
“He will be declining both, you oaf,” I said and swept my hair back behind one shoulder.
Unlike Hermes, I had spent a whole train ride across the Alps listening to an older Swiss lady, and I remembered one pertinent point about all the things she’d told me: the worst part about cooking was the cleaning up after.
“I’d be happy to clean your kitchen while we chat,” I told Chandler. “I know that’s no fun, especially after you spent all this time in an apron, but I’m happy to do it.”
Hermes’s head whipped in my direction, and he glared. “Chandler was just about to decide which he wants, my French toast and coffee, or my cock, so stop interrupting.”
“Actually, no, I wasn’t about to decide that,” Chandler said, and I beamed. Of course he wanted someone to clean up after him, who wouldn’t want that? “I don’t want to see anyone’s cock, because I’m not a urologist and not really that much into porn, I don’t want a sleepover breakfast, and I have a dishwasher, so I’m very much not in need of divine intervention at the moment. Please leave my hallway. It’s not a place for immortals, especially not ones arguing loudly. Have a nice day.”
And with that, beautiful Chandler closed the door in both our faces. Again.
“What…just happened?” Hermes asked.
“Shush, lower your voice,” I mumbled.
“Oh, right. So what just happened?” Hermes whispered.
“Is this one of the doors with those peephole thingies?” I asked. “Because if so, he can see us, and we should leave.”
Hermes hissed out a colorful curse in Aeolic Greek. “Fine. We both take the elevator, and then we talk outside.”
“Fine,” I said. “You move first.”
“We both move together, on three.”
