Page 64 of A Duke's Christmas Carol
Her wrist no longer hurt, but she could not say the same for her heart. Truthfully, she believed it would be a very long time until that ceased to ache and the breaks would scar over.
“Butwhydid you come back?” Cecil insisted. “I thought we were agreed that you would not.”
The boy sounded unusually serious. He was always such a cheerful boy, making jests and up to mischief, yet his frown and the worry in his voice belonged to that of someone much older in years.
“Yes, you said you wouldn’t marry unless it was for love,” Nora said with a happy nod of her head. “A fairytale, like the stories you read to me.”
To tell the truth or to lie: that was the choice in front of Valerie. It felt oddly pivotal, as if whatever she said next might influence their own futures and their own happiness. Yet, lying had already gotten her into a place of devastation; she did not want to lie to them, too, and add that guilt to the burden she carried.
“I returned because I realized there was no use in running,” she replied carefully. “I have no fortune of my own, I have no friends who would harbor me, and the money that I did have would have run out quickly. Moreover, I do not believe there is anywhere in this country that I could have hidden away. So, I decided to be brave, and I decided to return home to do my duty.”
It was a partial lie, but one that she was undeniably comfortable with. She could not, in good conscience, tell her siblings that she had to marry her father’s choice of stranger because otherwise they would be destitute and she had scuppered any hope of an alternative groom. It would scare them to hear how close to ruination they were, and she did not want that.
More to the point, they might look at her brief escape in a very different light if they learned that the marriage would save the family… and she had run from it.
“But… what about love?” Nora murmured, her nose scrunched in confusion.
I do not believe in it anymore.
“There is more to marriage than love,” Cecil interjected before Valerie could come up with a palatable reply. “You are a baby, Nora, so you would not know that. Duty is what is important.”
Valerie raised an eyebrow, puzzled by the sudden change in her brother’s tone and sentiments. A moment ago, he had been asking why she had returned at all, yet now he was speaking like their father would. Haughty demeanor included.
“Forsome, duty is paramount,” Valerie explained, taking her time. “For the two of you, it is my hope that you will be able to marry for love, and that you will find that love. For me, at this present moment, I am one of those for whom duty is of the utmost importance. That is why I came back, and that is why I will proceed with the wedding that Father has arranged.”
For you, my darlings. For you. To make amends for ever leaving.
“Now, though you may think you are too old and serious,” she continued with a smile at Cecil, “come here and embrace me again. I need all the love and affection I can squeeze out of the pair of you. Indeed, that is all the love I shall ever need.”
Her brother rolled his eyes, shuffling reluctantly toward her. A boy in that strange place, and at that strange age, where he thought he should behave with more maturity than his years. A boy who was at risk of copying his father if he did not have other, more suitable, more kindly men to emulate. But as he put his arms around her and hugged her tight, he became the childagain, and she was so very grateful for it as she gave both of them the biggest squeeze of utter relief.
“When I am married,” she said softly, “I will insist on you both coming to live with me.”
Cecil smiled against her shoulder. “Do you promise?”
“With all my heart, I do,” she replied.
“Can I still sleep in your bed with you?” Nora asked, lifting her head for a moment.
“Of course you can!” Valerie said, as she prayed with all her might that this coming wedding was truly going to be one of convenience. So convenient, in fact, that she did not even have to see her husband unless it was on rare occasions.
“Will you tell us about your journey?” the little girl asked, a minute later, squirming with the impatience that only a child possessed.
Valerie laughed and slowly released the children. With a groan, her legs aching from an entire twenty-four hours or more of traveling, she got to her feet and moved over to the fireplace. Her favorite armchair welcomed her with a few creaks and groans, while Cecil went to sit in the opposite one, and Nora took her usual spot on the rug, where it was warmest in the winter.
“It had been snowing for hours, falling so thickly that you could not see a thing out of the windows. Only white, like a curtain had been drawn. I was jostled and tossed about so viciously that I feared we had veered off course and were hurtling down a mountain! But when the cart wheel struck the rut—now, that was when I truly thought I was about to die…” she began, her voice low and mysterious, taking inspiration from Mrs. Leggat and her ghost stories.
In a way, Valerie realized, thiswasa ghost story, for the time she had spent with Adrian and the love she had started to feel for him and every experience he had opened up to her mind and body and heart—it would undoubtedly haunt her for the rest of her life.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Adrian paused by the door that led out into the rose gardens, drawn by the hushed sound of people talking. He had not been out there since Valerie had left Blackwall Castle four days ago. He had not left the castle at all, confined to his study or his chambers, though routine no longer brought him any solace. Not when every room he frequented reminded him of her.
“Have you received word from her?” Jarvis’ familiar voice asked, his words hurried.
“Nothing,” came Mrs. Mullens’ regretful reply. “I told her to write when she reached her home, but there’s been no word. I’ve checked the tray every morning, just in case, but… nothing.”
The butler made a strange, humming sound of contemplation. “Do you think she made it?”
