Page 69 of Grind
Perfect.
That was all Ezra ever wanted to be for Frank.
He wanted to point out that it was easy to say those things, but there were imperfections to Frank too, and Ezra never cared. Unlike Ezra, he didn’t always apply sunscreen, so he had a bit of sunburn on his forehead, and despite his skin being generally firm, there were wrinkles on the tan forehead and at the sides of his eyes. He had scars. And that mouse tattoo on his side was not only faded but also plain ugly, like someone’s first try. But none of this mattered to Ezra, because when he looked at Frank, he saw the whole of him rather than such unimportant details.
Granted, Frank wasn’t the type of man anyone needed to have perfect skin and nice clothes. His appeal lay in the roughness of his exterior and the warmth of his smile, but if Ezra didn’t need to appeal to the average man with money to spend on him anymore, then maybe he could… not careless,but be slightly more relaxed about his routines?
“You worry about me.”
Frank kissed his lips. “Of course I do. Can I tell you something? Promise you won’t be angry.”
Ezra already felt tense after that preamble, but shrugged, saying, “Go ahead.”
“Dex forgot about my birthday, so he got me some cupcakes the other day, and Iloveyour meal plan, but yeah, I ate them. I kinda wanted to bring them home so you could have one, but then I worried you’d be upset with me for cheating on the plan.” Frank took a deep breath. “I’d rather we could be more flexible about this. If possible.”
Ezra let his head drop and laughed into Frank’s chest. “Oh God, Frank! Eighty-twenty rule! If you follow the plan eighty percent of the time, you’re golden,” he said before stalling with air deep in his chest.Henever followed that rule. It was either a hundred percent success or failure, always, and seeing that his perfectionism had already affected Frank was… disturbing. As air left his lungs, he slid his arms around his lover. “I’m sorry. You felt you needed to hide food from me, and that’s all my fault.”
Frank kissed the side of Ezra’s head, and the intimacy of the gesture, the vulnerability of the conversation, made Ezra realize he’d never had this. He could be his most real self with Frank, without the need to perform in order to keep him interested.
“I like the sound of that rule. Especially that the food you planned for me makes me feel great, and you cook it all on top of it. It’s just that I sometimes need to relax. And sure, maybe that means I won’t win the state Strongman competition, but I’m perfectly happy being second or third, if that means my life every day is more comfortable.”
Not a concept Ezra was familiar with. His mother used to do beauty pageants, and she’d been the one to always tell Ezra only the first place counted. That if you couldn’t be the best, you might as well stop trying, because nobody rememberedlosers. He might have become successful because of her advice, but had it made him happy?
“You’ve already won. With me,” he whispered, cupping Frank’s jaw. He felt silly saying such things out loud, but they weren’t lies, and his embarrassment disappeared when Frank’s smile lit up the room.
“You’re too adorable. I…” He swallowed and tightened his grip on Ezra’s waist. “I love you. You don’t need to say it back! I just want you to know.”
Ezra’s head was so light he thought he might float up to the ceiling and stay there, looking at the man who made him feel things he’d never before experienced. Fear for the future was taking root somewhere at the back of his mind, but while this moment felt like standing on the edge of the cliff, the warm, dark waters of Frank’s eyes promised safety if he jumped.
His breath quickened, but just as he was about to open his mouth, Frank’s phone screamed at them from the floor.
“Saved by the bell,” Frank said with humor in his voice as he kissed Ezra’s temple before reaching for the device.
Ezra chuckled, but there was a rush inside him. And it felt so good. Frank gave Ezra a gentle pat on the ass for him to get up. Shane’s voice was vaguely recognizable in the receiver, but Frank’s expression turned serious, and he got up, as if he wanted to avoid Ezra eavesdropping on whatever was being said.
Silly. Frank needed to understand that he didn’t have to hide who he was either. So he sold stolen car parts and trinkets. It wasn’t that big of a deal. It wasn’t as though he killed people.
Chapter 21
Ezra
EzramissedFrankfromthe moment the two red lights at the back of his truck disappeared from sight, but he’d gotten used to Frank running off to deal withbusiness. Maybe it was for the better, because he needed time to digest what had happened in the past hour.
Frank said the L-world, and Ezra didn’t feel like running for the hills.
When he’d first started escorting, a so-called friend had warned him to squash any feelings he might develop in the bud. Ezra had managed to do that until the truth about Paul had come out. He had been ready to leave Frank behind for a lucrative opportunity only three weeks ago. But right now, after less than a month of living with this man without clear boundaries in place, the thought of never seeing him again was like a spike driving ever deeper into Ezra’s chest.
He’d never felt like this before, and it was fucking terrifying.
Pacing around the sofa, like an animal in a cage way too small for its size, he took deep breaths in an attempt to clear his head from doubts that arose whenever he allowed himself to feel elated over Frank’s confession.
His father also claimed to have loved Mom once, but they’d resented one another since Ezra could remember. If he allowed himself to trust Frank the way Mom had trusted her husband, he might end up with nothing once the honeymoon period was over, the money he’d been saving over the years consumed by life and whatever business venture he might attempt.
Could he afford that risk for one man, regardless of howrighthis touch felt?
Ezra’s gaze swept over the duffel bags Frank had fetched at his request, reassured by their sight. Frank wasn’t just about words and showering him with gifts. He belonged to a rare breed of clients who hadn’t attempted to test Ezra’s boundaries even once and seemed to care about who he was on the inside.
Mom had once told him she stopped being desirable enough for Father around the age of thirty, but the signs of discontent in his parents’ marriage had been obvious even in Ezra’s early childhood. Like that time Dad refused to take her on a trip with friends because she’d gotten a haircut he didn’t approve of, and he didn’t want to be seen with her. Or that time she’d purposefully embarrassed him in front of someone from work, to get back at him for some past offense. There were bruises and withheld money. Shouting and the constant threat of their anger turning against him.
