Page 90 of Wanted
Liv’s laugh sounded almost sad. “After what I’ve done, I’ll take any attention I can get. I just want you with me, always. All the time.”
Knox’s insides warmed into a goo made of feelings so sweet they could give him teeth decay. Even his shoulder hurt less. “And you said you thought that through? You sure? Because if it wasn’t obvious, you’re everything I want.”
Liv shivered and peeled himself away so they could look at one another while the heart monitor counted time in a measure only it understood. He took a deep breath as his hands found Knox, and his brown eyes lured Knox in, full of sweetness and promise. “Remember when you told me you were thinking about moving in with Amanda?”
It felt like so long ago, for a moment Knox wasn’t sure if he’d ever said that. “Stupid idea,” he said and stroked Liv’s jaw.
“It was,” Liv muttered and pressed Knox’s hand to his face as his nostrils flared, seeking Knox’s scent. “But you were serious. I thought she’d take you away from me. That’s why I—”
As hurtful as it had been at the time, Knox sighed, because they both did misguided shit at times. “Let’s just accept we’re both sometimes real dumb.” He kissed Liv on the lips, relieved that he could do it after all.
Liv pressed closer, clutching the hospital gown like a man desperate for touch after years of solitude, but he soon pulled away, shaking his head. “Are you sure? I did a fucked up thing earlier. Maybe you need… time, or something.”
Knox shook his head. “What’s the point? I’ll always come to the same conclusion. I needyou.”
Liv chuckled but lowered his gaze and pushed his forehead against Knox’s, taking hurried, shallow breaths. “I need you too, so don’t fucking keep secrets from me. Especially such major ones. We will somehow get the surgery done, and then you’ll feel better. You’ll live longer. With me.”
While Knox understood the meaning behind Liv’s words, everything inside him recoiled. And not just because he didn’t think the money required was achievable. The very idea of an operation on his heart made his stomach clench with panic.
“I… I just… I don’t wanna. I want to go on as usual. Take my meds. It’s been fine, right?”
Liv was frighteningly quiet, and the muscles of his jaw twitched over and over as he looked away. “Fine? The doc said you arenotfine. Why are you saying no? Why did you hide it?”
“I don’t know, I… if I don’t think about it, it feels like it’s not there, and then I don’t have to deal with being like this.” With a sigh, he slid his hand under Liv’s jacket, running his cold fingers over the warm skin.
“But you do. You don’t get to hide from this anymore,” Liv mumbled, pulling away from the touch. As he squared hisshoulders, watching Knox from above, panic was like needles pushing under Knox’s fingernails.
Knox had to take several deep breaths, but Liv was the one person he wouldn’t push over this. “I’m scared, okay? I’m afraid things will go wrong, and I’ll literallydie. I don’t want to face it. Nothing good ever happened to me in hospitals.”
Liv’s breath sounded strangled when he spoke. “I know. And I’m scared too. I lost my fucking shit when the doc told me you might not have long if you don’t deal with this. And I can’t have that. I can’t lose you. I won’t see you suffer when I know it can be helped.”
The reality of having to face the issue head on crashed into Knox at lightning speed, and he couldn’t make himself meet Liv’s eyes. It was too hard. Everything was too overwhelming.
“We’ll deal with it when we get a clearer picture of our situation. Frank was gonna get us new IDs. Maybe the cops will give up on the search. That’s what’s important now.”
“No!” Liv raised his voice and grabbed Knox, shaking him, as if he’d already forgotten about the injured shoulder. “There’s nothing more important. I’d do anything for you to be better. Anything. I’d even give you my own heart if I could. Just so you can be fine again, even if it’s without me,” he whimpered, and just as Knox was about to cry again out of helplessness, Liv got up and stepped farther from the bed, turning away with fingers digging into his nape.
Knox couldn’t remember ever seeing him like this. Not when Liv’s dad had almost overdosed, and not when his mom had gotten together with an abusive boyfriend whom Liv swore toend. In this moment, Knox had no doubt he’d go through whatever operation he needed to get. Just to never see Liv in so much distress.
He reached out as far as he could from the bed, slipped a finger into Liv’s back pocket and pulled. “Okay,” he said quietly.
But Liv wouldn’t turn back, standing there with his arms crossed on his chest and breathing heavily. “Good,” he mumbled.
Knox clenched his teeth because even sitting up hurt, but fuck it. He got up at the pace of a snail, and despite the cables pulling at him, he took the three steps needed to hug Liv from behind. He’d never imagined his condition would affect Liv this way, but of course it would. Liv cared about him. Liv had killed for him.
Knox put his cheek on the black bomber jacket that definitely wasn’t Liv’s and held him with one arm.
Liv shivered, making a sound painfully akin to a sob and rubbed his face. “I’m sorry. It’s just that when I think about something happening to you, everything falls apart. But I’ll deal with everything. I’ll take care of you,” he promised, finally turning to face Knox.
“You’re my rock, Liv. Nothing could make you crumble.” Knox rested his weight against Liv, putting his head on Liv’s shoulder. “And I’ll need you if I’m to go through this.”
Guiding him back to the bed, Liv made Knox sit down and stood between his spread thighs but fell right back into the embrace, sniffing Knox’s neck. “I will be with you every step of the way. No need to be so afraid. Lots of people have all sorts of surgeries. We’ll find out what’s necessary and get through this.”
Knox swallowed, relieved by Liv’s closeness. “Thank you. I… Since I was a kid, my parents always made me feel bad about going to the hospital. My mom didn’t like to drive me to appointments, said it was a waste of her time. Then my dad decided the issue was overblown, that meds would be enough. That if I just trained a lot and got stronger, my heart would get better. So I stopped talking to him about it, because if my heart was weak…Iwas weak. And I’m not.”
Liv growled and kissed Knox’s forehead. God, it felt like being blessed by the heavens. Even the prospect of going through withsomething as scary as heart surgery seemed insignificant in the face of Liv’s care. “I hope someone shanks the bastard to death and we hear no more of him,” he mumbled, tightening his arms around Knox’s midsection. “You aresostrong, such a fighter. But right now, you’re ill, so you let me take care of you. You know, as your boyfriend.”
Knox had to look away, overwhelmed by the flutter in his stomach. “It’s just for now with the shoulder. I can take care of myself for the most part. You shouldn’t have to—”
