Page 32 of His Favorite Color is Blood
“I don’t know their names.” Misha took another gulp of alcohol, and it bit his tongue with such force he started coughing. “The first few only cared about the stumps. Wanted to see me naked, have me crawl. But then this one guy came who was looking for more. There were many like him. Not devotees, but just guys who saw me as a novelty. I was told I was supposed to be pleasant to the clients, but I was scared. I’d never had sex before, and I panicked, and it was so horrible. I screamed at him and he fucked me anyway.” Saying all of that aloud made Misha tremble all over, and even his teeth started to clatter as he curled up against the door and held onto the bottle as if it could shield him from the ghost of unwanted touch.
Grim stared ahead, but his knuckles seemed more defined as he squeezed the steering wheel. “And you remember no name? Nothing?” he asked in the end.
Misha shook his head. “Nothing. He had this … average face,” he said in disgust. “He could beanyone. I wasavailablefor months. And they would never tell me if I would only be touched or if the man wanted more. I’m such a coward. I didn’tfight again and just went with whatever I was asked to do. I should have done something …” He was getting nauseated just thinking about it.
Grim’s hand was a welcome, steady presence on his shoulder. “No,” Grim said firmly. “They would have killed you. You were smart. You wouldn’t be here now if you’d fought. Think about it, you wouldn’t have even been able to run.”
“Maybe I could have killed one of them if I really tried. But I was so scared. Things can always get so much worse, and then these two guards came because they were “curious,” and they wanted to try double penetration, and they tore me up, I was hurting, and I pleaded that I couldn’t take anyone again, so when Gary came with his offer, it felt like my life would be so much better from then on. Like he was a good guy. But he wasn’t.” Misha frantically rubbed his eyes, surprised at the tears that wouldn’t stop streaking down his cheeks.
Grim stepped on the brake, stopping the truck in the middle of a straight road between cornfields. He was breathing hard, and then, without a word, he opened the door and jumped out of the cab.
Misha sniffed and rubbed his face with his T-shirt. Would Grim now realize there was no way to fix him? What kind of future could he even have? He stirred when the sound of a gunshot tore through the silence, and in the bright moonlight, a scarecrow sticking out of the field like a sore thumb started twisting like a spinning top. Its straw and rag body was torn by an onslaught of bullets and eventually fell off the stick that was holding it up.
Was telling Grim his secret a mistake? Misha was too drunk to make a judgment call. He slumped against the door. He wasn’t the innocent boy Grim wanted to believe he was.
Grim climbed back into the cab and shoved the gun into the glove compartment. He was heaving as he shut the door and leaned against the steering wheel. He took a deep breath and banged his forehead against the top of the wheel several times, so hard it made Misha flinch.
Misha was seeing double, so it was hard to judge distance well, but he finally managed to put his hand on Grim’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I upset you.”
Grim rolled his head over the wheel and, with his face slack, he stared at Misha. “You’re safe now. So many bad things happened, but your life’s gonna be different from now on,” he whispered, his grey eyes seeming almost translucent in the moonlight.
“It’s already different. I can beMishaagain.”
Grim looked at him, and for the first time there was true sadness on his handsome face. He slid his arm around Misha’s shoulders and pulled him close. Misha scrambled into his lap despite the gearshift digging into his leg as he passed. He wrapped his arms around Grim’s neck and let Grim hold him in place as his head spun out of control.
“You killed Gary for me.”
Grim hissed and clenched his fingers on Misha’s hair. “I’d have torn him apart if I knew.”
Misha didn’t doubt that declaration one bit. Grim didn’t even let a guy like Pat slight him. Sure, Grim was fucked up, violent, and often inconsiderate, but it wasn’t as if Misha was the perfect fucking angel. There were so many sins in his past that he’d gladly forget, but there was no way he’d ever shed all of his shame.
“At least I’m here now.”
Grim gave a low exhale and kissed Misha’s forehead, hugging him tight to his sturdy body. “I’m not gonna hurt you,” he whispered. “I’mnevergonna do that.”
“You let me speak my mind. You don’t even know how much that means to me. I always had to beniceto Gary. Like I didn’t have a fucking soul.” Misha curled his fingers in the fabric of Grim’s sleeves.
Grim nodded. “You’re gonna have everything you need.”
“I really like you, Grim.” Misha leaned in to kiss him. “But Ireallyneed to take things slow, okay? Work out what I want.”
Grim stared at him, his eyes wide, and for a moment Misha thought Grim wasn’t there with him, but then Grim spoke. “You sure? I amnotlike Gary. You don’t have to ...” He stopped, seeming lost in what he wanted to communicate.
“I know.” Misha giggled drunkenly. “I don’t think there’s anyone in the world like you. If we met in an alternate universe, I’d probably be all over you already, but I need time to process this.” They’d had the same conversation before, but this time it really seemed that Grim was listening, taking it all in.
Grim looked through the windshield at the long stretch of black road ahead of them. He kept massaging Misha’s back with his fingers and didn’t even once look at Misha’s stumps throughout the whole conversation. It was almost as if Misha was slowly getting to him, past the thick layer of Grim’s lust.
“I think we should have a nice meal somewhere once we’re across state lines. We could order it to go and watch the sunrise. What do you think?” Grim asked eventually.
Misha smiled and rubbed away the tears still lingering in his eyes. “I’d love that.”
Chapter 12
Grim
The week following theirrevenge visit at Pat’s was among the quietest in Grim’s life. Misha wished for some peace, so they rented a cabin in the forest. The property was primarily used by hunters, but there was a comfortable double bed in one of the two bedrooms, and the house had everything they could possibly need, including a generator. A shed for skinning animals brought back many memories.
After finding out more about Misha’s past, Grim felt like a failure. He knew that technically he couldn’t have intervened when those things had happened to Misha, because that was even before he found out about Andrey’s Internet presence. He also knew that, most likely, Misha wasn’t the only boy put through this, but he still couldn’t shed the helplessness that opened a void in his chest and wouldn’t close, no matter how hard he tried to make Misha forget all the bad things.
