Page 49 of The Shadow Prince's Ruin
I can be soft with him, and it’s so new I’m still adjusting to it. I let the tendrils of shadow slide over his back, then all the way to his neck and cheek. I don’tfeelhis skin through them, but I can sense the touch.
“And are you ready to serve the Goldweed cause?” I kiss his hairy pec with a smile.
Gasping, he nudges the shadow tendrils with his finger, and smiles when they wrap around the digit like a baby’s hand. “As long as that doesn’t make me the villain. Kinda like the idea of being the good guy for once,” he says, winking at me.
I look up at him with my most innocent expression. “Do I look like the ‘bad guy’?”
Hawk stalls, his mouth falling open as if he’s gotten lost in my eyes. “Damn, I think I would have burned cities to the ground if you looked at me like that,” he mumbles and leans forward, pressing his mouth to the little shadow tentacle I created. “You said you were banished? I assume you did something people didn’t like.”
I groan, pushing one shadow tendril behind his ear to stroke him. “I may have taken part in an assassination plot against our Lord. Though, in fairness, at that point he was still a prince, and my intentions were noble. Me and my family, we considered him a rake, a wastrel, and someone who would doom us all if he gained the position of supreme power. And the plot wasn’t even my idea.” I had a better one, that would have most likely succeeded, but maybe I don’t want Hawk to know that aboutme just yet. “My involvement wouldn’t have been revealed if it wasn’t for my sister’s diaries. A farce really.”
Hawk frowns. “So you, like… committed treason.”
“Well, we all make mistakes in life, do we not? I do not wish to kill him anymore. That does have to count for something, right? I reluctantly admit he will make a fine ruler, and all I want is to get back into his good graces so I can return to my rightful position at the Nocturne Court. Now, with a Dark Companion.” I kiss him under the collar bone.
Hawk clears his throat, and while I understand his hesitation, he must get on board with my plan or everything will be lost. “And you think he’ll just forgive you? Is that possible?”
“I was but a marginal part of my family’s plan. And when our cousin got seriously hurt during the assassination attempt, I saved his life. This is why I was banished rather than executed, and not even permanently. I’m sure when the Lord sees us together, me as the master of your shadow, he will see the value of keeping us around.”
Clearing his throat, Hawk lets his gaze wander down my chest. “So… what will be my role in this? You connected our shadows. What now?”
I pull on the thread of shadow that connects us and show it to him with a wondrous sigh. “This means you are meant for me. My promised. We’re only hours away from the full moon in the Nightmare Realm, so as soon as we’re there, we will make our vows, and you will forever become my Dark Companion. Then, I will be able to wield your powerful shadow and not be forever doomed with my own, which is like clouds where yours is obsidian. To say I cannot wait to feel that force within me is an understatement.”
Hawk pulls on my knee and moves it to rest on his thigh, entwining us even more completely. Oh, how delightful it is to be wanted this way.
“So it’s like a real wedding? And people will know that I’m your Dark Companion? It’s not just a secret thing between us?” Hawk asks, nuzzling my cheek. His breath is so warm and comforting, I stretch, enjoying it on my skin.
I let several shadows lock around him like an embrace and stroke the stubble on his face. It’s still such a new thing to me. “Um, yes, it is most often called a wedding, and we will be considered married, even though that bond isn’t always a romantic one. I do hope ours will be. And you will not be a secret. Once we get to the palace, I will show you off with pride.” So everyone can see the kind of shadow the ‘shortest elf in the Realm’ has taken. No one will laugh at me then.
Hawk’s face brightens, and he strokes his stubble, smiling at whatever fantasy his imagination’s producing. “I wonder what made it so special. That smith guy also wanted it for himself.”
I groan at the memory of Tassarion’s hands so close to Hawk. I should have cut them off while he was still alive, but that wouldn’t have been reasonable or as easy as slashing the right artery in his throat.
“Scholars disagree on what it is exactly that makes a shadow grow in potency, but there must be a pattern of despair in a person’s life for that to happen,” I say softly, because this might bring up some terrible memories for Hawk. “And there is always a near-death experience, of which you said you had several. How did that happen?” I don’t ask just to study him. I want to be close to him, I want to know everything about him.
He transforms before my eyes. Gone is the easy smile, and his eyes dart to the ceiling as his breathing quickens, only to slow, as if he were trying to calm himself down. “Despair is a strong word. Everyone has bad moments.”
I stroke his back and kiss him. “If you tell me how you got so close to death, I will be able to look for patterns.” Parts of himare still like a deep ancient forest, impossible to penetrate, but I want to create paths that allow me to understand him better.
Hawk exhales and strokes my back, but his eyes remain fixed on the wooden beams above, as if he didn’t trust himself to meet my gaze. “You’ve met my family. They’re all about kids, and living simply. I was confused when it turned out I liked boys. Our little community started feeling more and more like a prison after that. So I got into fights a lot, and one time I almost died when one of my older cousins tried to teach me a lesson by choking me.
“When I woke up, it was clear I might not have survived, so I decided to go out and look for what I wanted. I went to a normal school and met boys like me. I was already big and strong at the time, so people quickly learned not to bother me about being gay. And I was real popular, invited to parties and that kind of stuff. And at one of those parties I ended up taking drugs, but I didn’t know what I was doing and took too much. Almost died again.”
So he was the outcast ofhisfamily as well, just like I was the black sheep of mine.
I sense that closeness of souls again, the conviction that I’m not alone in this universe of many realms. And that I can take away his sorrow too. I want him to drown in me and stay submerged for as long as his heartache lasts.
“The way I see it, I had a fairly average life. The world is hard on everyone, sometimes because you lack something, sometimes because you’re different. But I kept trying to find my own happiness, independent from my family. It didn’t work out well, as you know,” Hawk adds with a bitter chuckle. “Next brush with death? I wanted to show off for my then-boyfriend and did a backflip while standing on a tree branch. I thought I’d just land or grab onto the branch instead of falling, but I did fall on my head. It’s a miracle I’m alive. Then, I ran from the cops, justbefore my arrest. It was a crazy chase, but I felt so betrayed by my now-ex that it didn’t seem to matter if I died. But I didn’t. I crashed and had a few broken bones, but all is now healed.
“And the last time was two months back, give or take. Another inmate tried to kill me. Apparently, it’s a miracle I survived that. They have no idea how. Maybe I’m secretly a cat and still have five lives left? Unless we count the accident of the prison van, then that’s four to go,” he adds, stretching his tense back in an effort to appear casual about something that’s so clearly difficult for him. He finally meets my gaze and shows me a pale scar on his abdomen. “See? Already all healed up. It’s weird.”
“Why did he try to kill you?” I ask, trailing my fingers over the scar to see if there’s anything unusual about it. Hawk has many prominent marks on his body, and I hope not a single one is ever added.
He shrugs and swirls his fingertips along my spine. “We never liked each other, and I made a joke he took real personally. He got my cellmate to lead me someplace private and attacked me when I was about to get a hand job. Kinda stung being betrayed like that. I always stood by the guy, but clearly he didn’t like me back the same way. Or was just offered something more valuable than my life,” he adds with such bitterness in his voice, a drop of it could spoil a whole barrel of cherin.
There’s definitely a pattern I’m seeing about betrayal, and I can only hope he will give me his trust regardless. “Did you… love him?”
Hawk swallows. “I wouldn’t have killed for my ex if Ididn’tlove him. As for the guy in prison… not sure if it can be called being in love, but it sure was as close as I could get to it in that place. I trusted him.”
