Page 21 of Festive Fugitive
“Maybe. I try not to overthink it.”
Okay, so I’m getting that he can be a bit closed off. Makes sense for someone who was a soldier. “If that’s what works for you. I, on the other hand, overthinkeverything.” I laugh, but it’s actually kind of a problem. “Like whether you like my new clothes, or if you’d be mad I grabbed them myself. If you like the food I prepared. Where we will go and how I will live there as a wanted man. Can police dogs sniff out my scent over snow? Should I keep my gun or throw it away? Was it okay to use the old bleach over the tiles in the bathroom, or should I have used something more environmentally friendly? Do I talk too much?”
“I like your voice,” Cesar says, sipping his coffee almost as if he were trying to hide behind the mug. “I also like your new clothes, so I’m not mad, even though I preferyou naked. The food is delicious, but we need chicken for protein. You don’t need to worry about the future, because I will take care of you and make sure you’re never caught. The Festive Fugitive will forever remain a mystery. I’m not sure if police dogs can ‘smell over snow’, but don’t worry about it. They lost our scent when we started using cars. Keep your gun. Bleach is fine. You don’t talk too much. You are nice, and I like your company.”
My heart beats faster, and this time not just because I’m horny. I can’t believe he’s not only listened to my babbling, but also remembered every single thing. “That’s so reassuring. My mind can be such a mess. How about your family though? Sorry for asking straight up, but if we’re going off-grid…”
“There isn’t anything to talk about, really,” Cesar says curtly, and I find myself sinking down the well of anxiety again, because who says stuff like that to someone’s face unless they want to dismiss them or point out that a line was crossed?
I shouldn’t feel this hurt when he’s just reassured me. Not everyone has to share as much, but yeah, I am a little hurt, because last night he told me that I’m his. How no other man will exist for me, yet now I’m getting shut out.
Then again, maybe his whole family died in a car crash, which then prompted him to join the military? I could see him being not ready to talk about that, and it’s no fault of mine.
I gobble down another sandwich to relax before I speak again. Last thing I want is for him to decide I’m too needy. “I’m sorry I’m coming on so strong. It’s been a while since I got to talk this much. I’ve been living out of my car and feeling kinda invisible. And it’s been even longer since I had a boyfriend, so sorry if I’m a bit feral.”
The silence following that last sentence is like a growing hollow inside my chest. Anxious, I look up and meet the single black eye in Cesar’s handsome face.
“Is that what we are?” he asks, each syllable smashing the hopes I’ve built up in my stupid head.
My stomach sinks and I can’t meet his gaze anymore. “I don’t know. Maybe? We could be. We’ll see. No need to put a label on it,” I fake a cheery tone when on the inside I want to scream into the void.
What the fuck was I thinking? Of course he declared things last night in the heat of the moment. Maybe he even meant them at the time. Why do I have to keep pushing like this? Just like with Sullivan. I couldn’t let go, and now the life I knew is over. Not that there’s much to cry about there, but I can’t go toprison. I wouldn’t last two weeks.
I can see how Cesar might like me, find me convenient in a non-cynical way, but why did I have to sayboyfriend? Why would someone like him choose to tie himself to a ball and chain like me?
Cesar grins and reaches for the peanut butter before proceeding to gather a big spoonful, which he then shoves into his mouth. “Okay,” he mumbles.
I bite the inside of my cheek but keep my expression neutral. “I’m full. I’ll start cleaning the dishes if you don’t mind.”
Cesar shakes his head. “No way. You need to rest. I’ll do it.”
In truth, I only wanted to do it to escape the uncomfortable situation and not cry in front of him over something he’s allowed not to want. I know I’m an emotional wreck and he’s not responsible for my feelings. My own insane life choices have led me here.
I get up, grabbing a rice cracker. “Thank you. I’ll go check out the snow before the sun sets. There’s piles of it,” I fake a cheery voice, but it might crack soon, and I need to be out.
Cesar frowns and points toward the corner. “Be careful. It’s best if you don’t get off the porch with that injury. But there’s warm boots you can take by the door. We should trash your old pair.”
I nod, touched that he remembers the problem with my old shoes. I rush away to get dressed, put on the warm winter boots that fit my foot as if I’m Cinderella, and I step into the cold air, which doesn’t ease my frantic mind.
I know I’ll fall for him all too fast and then suffer inevitable heartbreak.
Fuck my life.
Chapter 9
Cesar
Pleasureshouldn’tcomefirst,yet Eli’s words refuse to leave my head as I finish my meal. In my mind, I already have him on his knees, tonguing my cockhead, but he’s worked so hard to prepare this amazing meal. Cleaning up is the least I can do.
I ignore my hardening dick and rise, gathering all the dishes. Eli will soon be back, and when I take him up on the proposition that’s burning me from the inside as if I’ve swallowed a pint of embers, I want this place to be spotless for him.
It’s not even Friday, but Sullivan is gone, and my new sun wants me to lavish him with attention, so I will. That’s what he needs me for, apart from protection, and I want nothing more than to fulfill his wishes.
It’s strange how long he’s been out in the cold. The only thing still keeping me from going to check on him isthe last cup I’m washing. He’s not from anywhere in the south, so I’m not sure why he seemed so excited about snow.
From the moment I took him under my wing, I’ve barely let him out of my sight. Even when he showered, I listened to the sounds of water, reassured that I know where he is. I don’t know why. I can’t explain it. It’s a much more intense need for protection than it ever was with Sullivan. Like I’m growing anxious when he’s not around.
As soon as I put down the cup, I rush over to get my boots and a pair of sweatpants, because I can’t take this separation any longer.
