Page 93 of Choosing Hope
Having slumped into me while I’ve been talking, she sits up.
“It was the first time he’d shown any interest in a woman since Chess died. I knew you were also attracted to him.” I grin. “It’s not that I mind you being together, but I don’t want you to be alone together.” I squint up at her. “That’s selfish, isn’t it?”
She rocks her head back and forth and sinks back into my chest.
“Carlo told me at the beginning of your pregnancy you didn’t know if Lily was mine.”
Her entire body tenses in my arms.
“I’m sorry I put you through that.”
She sits back up, peering into my face, her own expression disfigured with a deep frown.
“If I didn’t have these urges, I’d never have introduced Carlo into our bed,” I explain.
“Darling, you can’t take responsibility for all this. Carlo and I are adults; you didn’t manipulate us into having sex together. I loved being with both of you, but when I fell pregnant, and couldn’t be sure who the father was...”
Her words get lost, and I wait for her to finish her thought.
“I felt like a slut. It was horrible, and then when I told you about our baby and you immediately told me I couldn’t work anymore. I felt like you were taking away my choice. My independence.”
I nod. “How do you feel now? Would you prefer to work?”
“No. I love being at home with our daughter.”
As she speaks, Sophie cups my cheek, allowing me to read her affection for me in her soft expression.
“In so many ways, Spencer, you’ve been a wonderful husband. I have a fabulous life here. But I miss you.”
“I don’t want to share you with Carlo. It’s fun occasionally, but in the main, if you’ll still have me after everything I’ve done, I want this marriage to be about us.”
She squeezes me closer. For several minutes, we sit just enjoying being together.
“Are you going to stop going to the club?” Her tight but curious voice pierces the comfortable atmosphere.
The way she asks suggests she’s not insisting I give it up. Which surprises me.
“Absolutely, I don’t want that lifestyle anymore.” I respond. “But this isn’t all about me. How do you feel?”
Sophie sighs. “I just want my husband back.” Her voice is pleading.
My gaze darts over her face; this moment is huge.
“I’ll never ask you to end things with Carlo,” Sophie says, voice steady, “but I can’t handle these other women anymore. Lily and I can’t stay here if this lifestyle continues.” Her tone is calm, but her words land with the force of an ultimatum. She pauses, and the tension spikes. I can feel the weight of whatever’s coming next.
“I need to understand why you didn’t tell me about Kalie. She’s beautiful, yes—but you’ve been with beautiful women before. What made her so special?”
“Nothing.” The word snaps out of me but the guilt in my gut twists like a knife. “I didn’t realize it at the time, but I think she reminded me of you.”
Her sharp inhale steals the air from the room.
“But she could never measure up to you,” I push on, my tone weakening. “Kalie’s willingness to please. Her submission to me, allowed me to feel more masculine. That alpha dominance got under my skin and it kept my mind from wandering to Carlo. Until recently, she’d never met him, there was no link to him.”
Sophie’s arms are folded, her stare pinning me in place. Now I know how Lily feels when her Mum’s reprimanding her for something.
“I suspect there was a time that Kalie became more than just a distraction, Spencer.” Her words are barbed. “It’s the first time in the nine years I’ve known you that you’ve not been brutally honest about the women you’ve spent time with. Were you considering leaving me for her?”
“No. Not for her. For you. I knew my behavior was unacceptable, so, I tried to convince myself that I had to let you go, because you deserve better.” The color in her cheeks fades a little. “But I’d never have married Kalie—I don’t love her, Soph. I never did.”
