Page 37 of Mine to Love
“There are things I don’t talk about too,” I say then. “The short version is, I used to be bullied for being bigger. I was soinsecure, and I didn’t have a mom to help me through it. I think it’s part of the reason I was so easy for my ex to manipulate. And then… He made his displeasure with my body very well known. He didn’t just beat me, he verbally degraded me. And then, there are my scars.” I bite my lip and lower my gaze once more. Thankfully, Gio lets me. Though not without pulling me into his arms.
As I rest my cheek against his chest, my voice becomes really quiet. “I can’t look at my body without hearing the things he used to say to meorwithout seeing the marks he left on me. I hate?—”
“Don’t,” Gio says then. “Don’t you dare say you hate yourself or your body.” Though his words are firm, he remains gentle. He kisses me atop my head. “You don’t need to hide from yourself just because someone else couldn’t see you, just because someone else hurt you. And you don’t need to hide from me.”
He steps back, so that he can look me in the eye. “I see you, Darcy—all of you. And I assure you, there was never anything wrong with you, nor is there anything wrong with you now.” He lifts the hem of his boxer, revealing his upper thigh. There I find a scar about two inches in width. Perhaps a stab wound? “We all have scars. They don’t define us. And, as for you…” He shakes his head, looking me up and down in a way that makes me feel naked. “Beautiful doesn’t begin to describe you.”
I bite my lip once more as tears well in my eyes. Once again, he pulls me into his arms and holds me until I regain my sense of calm. Gio always knows just what to say to me. He has this way of making me feel…so many things. But it’s not exactly a magic cure for years of abuse and insecurity. “Maybe I could just wear your t-shirt. It might be long enough to cover most of me.”
Gio rubs my back. “Of course, baby steps. Although, I do hope one day you’ll believe me when I tell you you’re perfect,Darcy. You don’t need to cover up. You don’t need to hide or be ashamed.”
“Maybe one day, I will. Maybe one day I’ll be able to see myself through your eyes.”Rather than his.
32
Gio was right.The pool water feels amazing. And, after a long day of wearing one, I’m happy to ditch my bra for Gio’s black t-shirt. It covers most of my upper body, including my scars and stomach, and allows me to feel a little less anxious. Though, as Gio brings his hand to my hip and pulls me toward him, my heart flutters and my insides dance with butterflies.
“Wrap your legs around me,” he says. My legs?Oh, God.That’s the one part of me I couldn’t keep covered. With the pool lights, they’re all too visible for my comfort and now he wants them wrapped around him. Still, there’s something about the way he looks at me that makes it impossible to resist him.
I clear my throat and do as he says, locking my ankles behind him. “Good girl,” he purrs. I smile and stifle a nervous laugh. The way he’s looking at me—his hair wet, his eyes narrowed and dark—it’s so sexy I can’t help but blush. Still, I feel awkward.
“I thought we were supposed to be swimming,” I say then. He smiles and lowers his eyes to my lips. He moves his hands lower, running them up and down my thighs. For the first time, I noticed how large his hands are and how long his fingers are. He grips my outer thigh and yet his thumb caresses my innerthigh. I gasp at the intimate touch. Lowering my eyes, I watch his movements through the ripples of the water.
“We will. But first, I want to help you get more comfortable—with me and with yourself.” He continues touching me and I meet his gaze once more.
“How do you plan on doing that?” My core tightens. Sensing my nerves, his eyes soften, and he kisses my forehead. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.Yeah, definitely not ready.
“Don’t worry. I know the off-limits areas. Besides, my self-control is already tested enough every second of every day. I won’t torture myself even more by crossing certain lines until I’m sure you’re ready to fully explore the physical side of this relationship.”
“Self-control? Torture? What are you talking about?” I ask, my brows furrowing.
Gio cocks his head to the side. His eyes mirror my confusion. “Darcy, you have no idea what you do to me. It was confusing, at first. But I suppose after hearing about your past, I understand now.”
“What?” I shake my head. It’s then that Gio’s hands move from my thighs to my ass. The way he grips me pulls me tighter against him. So tight, I feel his growing erection beneath his boxers. I gasp. This is the second time I’ve felt it. But his words suggest it isn’t the second time I’ve inspired one. Still, that isn’t saying much. Clive got them all the time, but I never confused his arousal with love or respect. Perhaps that’s why the first time I felt Gio’s, it didn’t mean as much to me as his words.Those words—the ones he said that night, the ones he’s spoken this evening—they are what tug at my heartstrings. Though, the way he looks at me now and touches me tugs at something else.
He keeps his fingers on the outside of my panties, not actually touching my flesh. But the sheer position of his hands has my heart rate increasing and the space between my thighsthrobbing with need. Gio lets out a breath accompanied with something that sounds like a cross between a moan and a growl.
“God, you feel so amazing.The way you sit in my hands, the way your legs wrap around me…I love feeling your body against mine.” My lips part in surprise as Gio brings one hand to my neck while continuing to caress my ass with the other. I close my eyes and savor his touch. He runs his fingers up and down my neck. His touch is so light, so delicate that it’s almost ticklish. I want more. But I think for the first time, it’s truly dawning on me that so does he.
“You know how I feel about you, Darcy. But maybe I haven’t quite vocalized how I feel about your body. I haven’t wanted to make you uncomfortable. But, after what you shared with me, maybe you need to hear me say it. Maybe knowing just how much I crave you will help you relax and feel more comfortable, more confident. With permission, I’d love to tell you. I’d love to let you see through my eyes, even if only for an evening.”
Gio’s offer catches me off guard. But, as I open my eyes and see the sincerity in his, I know it’s an offer I can’t refuse. I want to see. I want to hear. I want to feel. “Tell me. Tell me what I do to you. Tell me what you want to do to me.”
Gio smiles, shaking his head. “Baby girl, those words alone have me desperate for you.” He bites his lip as he drags his eyes from mine to my lips. Bringing both hands to my ass once again, Gio looks at me. And I do not blink as he speaks. I don’t want to miss this moment—this memory. I want to cling to every word and the look in his eyes that makes me feel the truth in everything he says.
“Darcy, you take my breath away every time I see you. You make my arms heavy with the need to hold you. You make my heart ache and dance and flutter with lustful desire and the purest love I’ve ever felt. You set my body on fire. I ache for you. I throb for you. During the day, I fantasize about you and at night,I dream of you.Only you.” I gasp as his words wrap around my heart, making me feel warm inside.
Gio lowers his gaze and runs his fingers along my thighs once more. “I love your body. I love your strong thighs, your wide hips. I want to kiss every inch.” As he talks, he moves his hands, accordingly, caressing me in the places I know he craves. “I love your belly, how soft and delicate. To me, it represents your femininity, your womanliness. It also represents your love and strength and sacrifice because it was once the home of our little sunshine.”
My lip quivers and tears well in my eyes as he praises my biggest insecurity. I don’t like my stomach. But hearing him speak of it provides a new perspective that maybe I can learn to adopt. My thighs though… I’ve never liked them because I always felt they were the opposite of femininity. They’re so big and they jiggle, and they touch. All the beautiful women I’ve ever seen were the opposite of me. But what did Gio say? He said they are strong. And they are. I can think of countless hikes they brought me through and even upon arrival in New Orleans, they are what propelled me through the rainy night over a mile while carrying Delilah and both of our packs. That is strength. But, perhaps, I was never stronger than the day I used my legs to run away from Clive.
Gio glides his hand up the curve of my waist over the top of my t-shirt. Before he reaches my breast, he looks at me as if asking for permission. My lips part and I grant it. Gio lowers his gaze, fixating on my chest as he covers my breast with his hand. He moans and his erection grows as he squeezes me. I moan too, as his palm rubs against my erect nipple.
“Of all the things I love about you, I think I fantasize about your breasts the most. Well, aside from your pussy that I’m sure tastes like sugar.” I can’t help but smile at that comment. Smile and blush. I’ve never been spoken to this way before. I like it. No,I love it. The sensation between my legs tells me so. Gio brings his hand to my other breast, taking them both at the same time. I use my legs to tighten my grip around him.
“They are so soft, so full, sofuckingdelectable.” I moan and jump as Gio rubs both of my nipples over the top of the t-shirt. As my arousal builds, he quickly pushes himself away and swims at least five feet from me. His touch lingers as well as the craving it elicited while he breathes heavily at a distance. I watch him, unsure of what to do next.
“Sorry. That was an off-limits area.”
