Page 13 of Cross the Line
Fix us.
CHAPTER 3
ELIJAH
Jayden left for the hotel as soon as the game ended. I tried to go after him to the locker room, but Connie wanted to talk to me to make sure I’m okay after our conversation earlier.
I’d be better if I could’ve explained the situation to Jayden before the press started questioning him about it during the post-game scrum.
It’s all anyone has talked about. All the press is interested in.
If I’d spoken to Jayden about it, maybe he’d be prepared. Maybe he wouldn’t be angry and hurting. I want to protect him, but Connie is right; my silence is causing him turmoil.
More than that—worst of all—I think I’m losing him because of it.
The entire drive back to the hotel felt longer than before. I’m literally the elephant in the room that everyone wants to talk about but no one wants to address. Every person who has seen those pictures and read the article believes they know me and my secrets. In reality, they know nothing.
It’s all a lie.
Glancing down at my phone, I stare at the photo Finley sent our group chat of her and Christina. Her eyes are slightly glazed, which sets off a wisp of worry through me when I zoom in on the corner of the photo, and Ryker’s face is fuzzy behind her shoulder.
I should’ve asked her about it earlier, but my mind was whirring so fast. The chaos made it impossible to focus on any one thing alone. Except for Jayden.
I’ve been working so hard to be better for him and Fin. Like maybe I could deserve them if I tried to fix myself. Like, if I scratched at thescabs that night left, the wounds would bleed enough to dry and heal. To fade.
But at what point will I have bled enough? Atoned sufficiently?
“Eli,” Dylan calls, catching up to me as I rush from the bus to the elevator. He and Auguste get in behind me, and when we’re away from the prying eyes, he offers me an apologetic smile. “Are you okay?”
I shrug, because if I answer him, I’m certain I’ll fall apart. I’m on the brink of madness and despair. Holding on by a fraying thread.
For a moment, life seemed to be taking a turn, getting better.
How deluded was I?
“If you need anything, we’re here,” Auguste tells me when the doors to the seventh floor open and I head out.
“Thanks.”
It only truly occurs to me what I’m doing when I round the corner and I come to face room 795. My whole being knows what’s behind that door. My body tugs forward, chest pulling like a compass needle swung by a magnet.
But knocking on that door is unlocking Pandora’s box. I don’t know if I’m ready for that. I’m certain Jayden isn’t.
It’s cruel and selfish of me to tarnish him with my darkness so that I can hold on to him.
Still, my feet carry me to his door. My hands press to it like maybe it’s enough to save me. Just being this close.
It’s not.
Rapping my knuckles on his door, I wait a moment before I try again. The hush on the other side is a living thing. I can hear him. Feel him. The center of all my noise.
When I knock again, Jayden slaps back at the wood.
“I’m not here,” he slurs.
“Jayden…” Flattening my hands to the door, I press my forehead to it. Anything to be as close to him as I can. “Let me in.”
His sob rips through me. “Go away.”
