Page 36 of Cross the Line
The shift between Elijah and Jayden is palpable. There’s always been a rip tide to their closeness—moments that come and go in emotional waves, pulling them under until they surface again just enough to escape the drag to safety.
Today, that’s changed.
There’s a constant undertow. It isn’t pulling or dragging—it’s engulfing.
I’ve never been more terrified to survive. For years, I was afraid to drown, and now, I’m petrified I won’t. That Elijah and Jayden will be washed further and further from me, and there will be nothing I can do to hold them. To keep them with me. Mine.
What if they’re meant to be each other’s? Not mine?
My throat closes. The ache fists my chest and beats at the backs of my eyes.
I want to disappear. To be anywhere but in this busy hotel restaurant, trapped under Christina’s spirited diatribe about what to expect now that we’re a thing. A throuple, she calls it.
The team meeting has stretched past an hour. I’m on my second coffee—fourth today. Caffeine vibrates in my veins. I’m shaking from head to toe, thoughts sprinting too fast to argue with. Insecurities I’ve sworn I’d already retired line up for an encore.
“Hello? Hi… Earth to Finley…” Christina’s scrunched face fills my blurry vision. “What’s happening right now? Why do you look like you’re about to burst out crying?”
I shake my head because the words won’t get past the burning lump.
“I’m just talking out of my ass, you know that, right? I mean, yeah, this shit is going to be hard for you guys. The world loves freedom and different… until it doesn’t. That’s just how it goes, Babe. But you and Eli have weathered worse… and now you have Seventy-Four…”
“Why? Why do you call him Seventy-Four? That’s his number, not his name. Jayden. His name is Jayden, and—” I stop when her hand closes over mine.
“Breathe,” she says, slow and clear, fingers curling between mine, grounding me.
“I can’t.”
Her pale eyes soften. “What if you’re right? What if that article is true… and… and… Elijah has always known, and now?—”
“Fin.”
“Now he has Jayden and?—”
“You have Seventy-Fo—Jayden, too.”
“But what if I’ve been a conduit all this time and now… now they don’t need me. If the truth is out, what’s the point in hiding? What’s the point in?—”
“Babe.”
“They won’t need me.”
“Finley.”
“But I need them. I-I-I…”
“Dammit!” Christina yanks me closer, our noses nearly bumping. “Step the fuck away from that ledge, chica.”
“I’m scared, Christina. I don’t want to lose Elijah or Jayden. I can’t.”
“You’re not,” she snaps, her grip biting my hand. “I’ve seen the way they look at you and?—”
“I see the way they look at each other. I’ve felt that pull between them from day one. From the first second I met Jayden, when I saw them together.” I flinch at my own inhale as her eyes go round. “Elijah likes to watch him with me. What if it’s not the ‘with me’ part he likes, and I’m just the go-between?”
My mind spirals to the way Elijah kissed me after Jayden did. Memories spin like an endless reel while I pick them apart for the worst, so maybe I can brace for the ultimate heartbreak. Because even now, I love him. I know how he must be hurting and panicking, and I want to comfort him. To tell him it doesn’t matter who knows he’s into guys—it doesn’t change who he is. Not even if he doesn’t want me.
Will I still love him? Absolutely.
Will he still be my heart? One hundred percent.
