Page 192 of Cross the Line
The fog clears enough to catch his reflection hulking behind mine. His shorts and t-shirt have become a second skin. Everything about him is so damn beautiful it hurts.
I know looking will make everything worse. I look anyway.
“Talk to me.”
My chest wrenches at the plea, suffocating my tears.
“Fin.” The deep croak ripples down my spine.
There’s nothing I can say to make this okay.
So I do the only thing that might keep me from shattering; I turn to him and wrap his arms around me. Because he is, has always been, and will always be the best part of me. And holding him is the only way I can save it.
Water thrums while he rocks us gently. Silent and steady. So strong.
“What Presley did is not on you.” His voice cuts through the patter of the water. “It is not your fault, and it is not your sin.Heis the monster.”
I glance through the glass at my mirrored eyes and swallow my tears. “How do you do it?” The question slips out as he inches back and frames my face. “How can you bear to look at me?”
Eli doesn’t have to force my face to stay on his; it’s a natural compulsion. My body is hooked on giving him what he wants.
Dark, abysmal pits drink in my tears. “Because you’re the reason I’m still breathing. The reason I’m still living.”
My heart falters at his certainty. So honest and pure that it could be God’s gospel.
“Don’t you see him? When you look at me? In my eyes?”
Eli rests his forehead on mine. “Yes.” I flinch, lungs forgetting their job. “But they’re not his eyes, they’re yours. Your pretty eyes that make me feel all kinds of beautiful things. I feel you… Your fucking wonderful heart beating for me.”
“Elijah—”
“Eli.” His nose nudges mine, and I drink the salty droplets that slip from his jaw into my mouth. “I like it when you call me Eli.”
When I nod, he swaddles me in his arms. He holds me tight, my face buried in his chest as he lets me cry.
I don’t know who I’m crying for. Whether it’s for what he’s endured, or that my DNA will always be the same one that hurt him. I can’t change who I am.
“My brother… he’s…”
“Presley is nothing,” Eli states. “He’s nothing but a scar, Fin. A reminder of what happened that will fade into insignificance over time.”
“It will always be there. Every time you look at me?—”
“I seeyou. I feelyou. I wantyou. That has never changed. It will never change.”
I want to believe him. I want to look up and see it on his face.
When I try to pull back, he tightens his arms around me, like he’s done so many times. Most of them, I can’t get enough of him holding me hostage to his broad chest. Then there are others where it feels like he’s holding me closer, not to push me away… or… or to hide me from the truth.
There it is. The seed that feeds my despair. The click that unlocks all the memories of him shutting down when it got heated between us. Kiss upon kiss that escalated until he ripped away.
Every single time…until Jayden.
“It did change. When you came back after… after he hurt you.” His arms loosen, and I pull back. “You didn’t touch me, didn’t kiss me… You left…”
“Fin—”
“It changed.Even after you brought me here.” My mouth is dry as I wrench myself from him.
