Page 59 of Cross the Line
Now I really do go quiet. Every part of me forgets its job while I stare at him, totally awestruck.
Every time I’ve mentioned the check gate, it’s been a passing whine. It blows my mind that he remembers.
“Besides, it was nice,” he adds with a tentative smile, glancing at Finley still taking photos. “You always take care of me, even today… on the jet. You made sure I was okay the whole time. I wanted to do something for you, and I guess I like taking care of the people I care about.” His gaze dances between us. “You know, the people I love. You and Fin.”
Fuck. Me.I’ll never get used to him saying he loves me. Not even when I’ve hoped and wished for it like he is my religion and his love is God.
“Can you try playing fair right now? How am I supposed to even pretend to be mad at you when you say things like that?”
“So you weren’t mad at me?” Hope warms his voice. “That’s not why you’re being quiet?”
“No, Sweetheart,” I say, wrapping my arm around his shoulders as we watch Finley kick off her sandals. I breathe deep, steadier. “I was thinking about what tonight is going to be like, and I’m nervous about it.”
“Me, too, JJ,” he exhales. “I don’t want to be weird and awkward, but I’ve never actually shared a bed with anyone before.”
I search his face. “Not even Fin?”
“No.” He studies his shoes, twisting his fingers. “Sometimes, I have nightmares and, when they’re bad, I sleepwalk.”
It takes everything not to let the angry flames roar. I reroute. “Didyou ask me to stay in your room so you wouldn’t be alone with Finley? In case you do have a nightmare? When was the last time you had one?”
“Easy with all the questions all at once,” he chuffs, staring down toward the beach steps where Finley is sitting with her feet buried in sand. Pride warms his face. “Honestly, I didn’t think about the nightmares or the sleepwalking until we were leaving the restaurant, and I sort of started freaking out. I don’t want you and her to think I’m crazy.”
“You’re not crazy, Eli. When was the last time it happened?”
“Umm… before the migraine.” He flicks up an apologetic look, like it’s his fault. “It got really bad, and I couldn’t sleep. When I did, I’d have nightmares, and I’d wake up out of bed.”
“Is that what triggered the migraine?” I’m just connecting dots.
“Maybe… partly...” He sighs. “The meds have helped with both. I don’t think I’ve had a single dream since I started taking them.”
“Do you want me to wake you up if you have a nightmare?”
He nods, tilting to meet my eyes. “I’ve started weaning off the meds that help me sleep, and… I’m scared…”
“Of what?”
“The nightmares, the sleepwalking… that I’ll hurt Fin…”
“No, you would never?—”
“Fuck, JJ, I don’t know what I do during those episodes.” I coil my arm tighter around him to ground the tremor in his voice. “One second, I fall asleep, the next, the nightmare starts, and all I know is that I wake up out of bed, covered in sweat… breathless. It’s why I gave Fin her own room… I…”
“You slept with her fine in the bath, and you sleep perfectly fine next to her on the couch. Like you said, you haven’t had a single dream since you started the pills.” He heaves a heavy breath, pleading at me like I’ve got the answers.
“If I hurt Finley… I would never forgive myself.”
“I won’t let anything happen to our girl, Eli—or you. I promise, okay? When we get back to the room, we’ll figure it all out.”
“I’m sorry I’m so… messed up. I’m trying everything I can to fix myself.” Sadness drags at his eyes, tugs his mouth down.
“You’re not broken,” I tell him, meaning it, because despite everything, he’s perfect to me.
“What happened to not blowing smoke up my ass?” he chuffs, a tense laugh trailing off as Finley leans back on the steps and crooks a finger for us to join her.
Eli’s at her side before I can answer. He takes her sandals, tucks one into each back pocket, then helps her up.
“Do you want to go for that walk we talked about earlier?” Big eyes flick from him to the water. Eli cradles her face in his hands. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”
