Page 93 of Cross the Line
“Go on, boys, get,” he says in his all-business tone through a fond chuckle. “I’ll see you in the locker room in ten for debrief.”
“Got it, Coach,” Jayden pushes up from his chair, taking me with him.
Our hands are still linked together as we’re walking out of Coach’s office. All the tension has eased from me, making room for relief and pride. This sense of attainment is so new to me that I don’t know how to celebrate it. All my life, I’ve been told that pride is a sin, but I’m learning that it’s part of being human, of being happy… more than that, it’s part of loving myself.
“Eli,” Connie calls behind me. When I look back, Coach is standing beside her with his hand resting on her shoulder while she smiles widely at me. “Illegitimi non carborundum.”
“Nope,” I tell her with a nod as Jayden continues guiding me out of the office.
Talking to Connie has put a lot of things into perspective for me. It’s forced me to think about all the feelings I was holding in and trying to suffocate. If it weren’t for our sessions, I might not be here right now. I certainly don’t believe that I would’ve been able to push through all the shit thatThe Chronicle’sarticle dredged up.
I’m grateful she made the time for me when I went to her, and I’m even more grateful that she went out of her way to find me when I didn’t.
“Always with the Latin,” Coach chuckles when we’re out the door.
Connie’s croon echoes behind us, “Makes me sound clever.”
“Come on, Red. You’re cleverer than most assholes in this place.”
I can’t not smile at the sound of Connie’s laugh while Jayden and I amble down the corridor toward the locker room.
Awareness suddenly dawns on me. Jayden and I are walking side by side, holding hands, and it feels so damn good. Like breathing fresh air for the first time.
Tugging him closer, I back into one of the dark alcoves of the fire exits, stumbling backward until his body is pressed to mine. I’m fully sandwiched between JJ and the wall at my back when our eyes meet.
“I want you,” the words pull from my chest as my hands anchor on his hips, gripping him as tight as I can. “JJ…”
“Sweetheart…” His breath catches in his throat, and I know that I have him when his elbows brace above my shoulders with his lips hovering over mine.
I don’t wait for him to give me what I need. I take it.
Without preamble, I suck his lip into my mouth, licking across the plump flesh with a groan when the citrusy hit of his taste sparks over my taste buds. As I push my tongue into his mouth, his fingers tunnel into my hair, tugging as his tongue licks over mine.
Jayden’s fighting me for control, and I love the push and pull. The rough scrape of his teeth and guttural grunts when he fists my hair with one hand and the other strokes down the side of my face to my neck.
The V of his hand grips my jaw at the top of my throat as I rake my hands around to his back and up, hooking them over his shoulders.
We’re in a deadlock, an unmovable standoff. Our tussle for control fraying all that we have left.
“Fuck, Eli…” Jayden growls into my mouth as I drag in a desperate breath. “If we don’t stop now… fuck. I won’t stop at all… and I don’t know how many lives we’ve got left, Sweetheart.”
I don’t want this to be over. I want him to kiss me, to touch me, to own me the same way I want to do all those things to him. But Jayden’s right—we survived today, and we have to keep surviving so that we’re not torn in different directions.
For so long, I’ve lived afraid of letting Jayden and Finley in. Afraid of what they might think of me. Scared that they might look at medifferently. Terrified that I’m not good enough for them. That I am too broken.
Now, I’m petrified of losing them. Of ever having to live without them for just one second.
“Come on, let’s get this fucking debrief over with and go home,” Jayden murmurs with a soft kiss to my mouth while his hand twines around mine. “I want to get you naked and in my bed, like now.”
His stare holds mine. Boring. Searching. The same way I keep waiting for that nagging feeling to cloy into shame—that needling voice to twist my love to sin—it never happens. Not a sound. Not a churn. There’s only Jayden and my desire for him. The necessity to feel him and love him in every way I can.
“What’re you waiting for, sugar cookie?” I grin at him.
Jayden sucks in a breath, part chuckling as he tugs me back to the corridor, leading me to the locker room. “Are you pulling my pigtails again?”
“What are you going to do about it, Sunshine?”
When I side glance at him, he’s holding me with a narrowed stare. My insides twist with anticipation. A nervous energy tingles all the way down my spine, coiling my muscles tight around my bones.
