Page 39 of Break the Ice
Christina holds up her finger, asking the woman to give us a moment while she takes me to a different room in the store.
There’s no one in here while she walks me around the candy-colored space. The lingerie looks more subtle, more every day.
“I love you, Fin, and I totally get that you’re not about the luxuries in life.” Giving me a gentle smile, she pauses in front of me and fixes the collar of Elijah’s sweater that I’m wearing, along with his tightest pair ofcompression leggings. “This world you’re in now looks at what you wear. It looks for any sign that you don’t fit in?—”
“I don’t, Tina.”
“Yeah, you do. You just haven’t worked it out yet. You will, though. Until then, you look the part, and people will leave you alone. You’ll be too normal for them to care.” A devious laugh vibrates from her as she plucks a pair of scanty panties from the closest rail. “Besides, I’m pretty certain Elijah will approve of this.”
“Okay,” I say in lieu of explaining to her that nothing intimate is happening.
When we sit on the couch, there’s always something between us. Even when his arm is around me, it’s not touching me. He rests it on the back of the couch and his hand dangles just so that it hovers over my arm.
“You’ve got that look on your face again.” Christina levels me with a frown. “If this store is really bothering you, we can go elsewhere.”
“No, it’s not the store. It’s… it’s fine.”
“Then, why are you sad, Fin?”
I swallow the burning lump that’s quickly swelling in my throat. “I’m no?—”
“Don’t make me tit punch the truth out of you,” she retorts, one hand on her hitched hip, the other fisted in front of her chest at the ready. “What’s bothering you? Tell me.”
“It’s just… sometimes…” It sounds so ridiculous now that I’m trying to think of a way to explain how I’m feeling to her. “Elijah gave me my own room.”
A faint grin tugs at one side of her mouth. “Okay. And?”
“And it feels like he’s always pulling away from me. Like every time we’re close to anything intimate, he… just…” I shrug, incapable of finding the words I’m looking for.
“Sounds to me like he’s giving you space and time to settle,” Christina murmurs, pale blue eyes softening with a tender smile. “He’s being a gentleman because you deserve the chance to adapt to life outside the Moonie bubble before you decide what you want out here.”
“I want him.”
“Yeah, I get that. Trust me, I’ve watched the two of you hold on to each other for years. Thing is, life is about to change for you, and it’s overwhelming in a way that it can change the way you see and feel.”
“Not about him.”
Christina nods. “Eli’s doing the right thing, and one day, you’ll love him more for it.”
“I already love him with everything.” I blink back the sting in my eyes.
“Hang tight, Amish. Stay strong. What is meant to be will be. But in the meantime, doesn’t mean you can’t drive him a little bit crazy. Coax him out of his shell…” A haughty grin stretches across her face.
Holding my hand, she guides me around the room, picking through the rails of mix-and-match panties. I’ve never worn anything like them, and it makes me nervous to think of my body in something so revealing. Every piece she picks out is beautiful, and provocative. Even the everyday marked items.
“You really think Elijah will like them?”
Christina pauses in her perusal of a risqué red lace set. “Do you?”
It takes me a moment of pushing through every lesson I was given on propriety and being wholesome, godly, to admit, “Yes. It’s… umm… s-s-s… stunning.”
Her eyes narrow with a tsk. “You want to saysexy. It’s sexy lingerie to makeyoufeel as beautiful as you are.”
“Yeah. That.” I glance down at the barely-there bra and pantie set she’s holding over herself.
“Say it. Call it what it is. The ground won’t open up and swallow you into hellfire or… whatever. Say it. Say it’s sexy.”
“It’s—” I suck in a deep breath, tracing the flowery lace down her body before I whisper. “—sexy.”
