Page 75 of Break the Ice
I’m not sure how I feel about it—whether it intimidates me or somehow draws me closer to Jayden. But the more I think about it, the clearer I see them—the way they care for each other. Logic says I should be afraid of losing Elijah to Jayden. That I shouldn’t like it. That it shouldn’t make me feel safe and grounded between them. But I do.
I look at them, stand between them, breathe their air and I keep waiting for the tug of war. It never comes. All I feel is a warmth simmering in my belly that yearns for more ofthem.
“You know,” I say to Jayden. “You never told me what he pierced when he lost the bet between the two of you.”
Jayden flashes wide eyes at Elijah. When I glance at him, he gives me that warm knee-ricketting smile. The conversation fades into insignificance as his hand flattens to my back and draws me into him.
“See you tomorrow,” Elijah tells Jayden. “Six sharp so we make training on time.”
“And I’m the slave master,” Jayden mutters with a wink in my direction as he meanders backwards towards his door again and Elijah ushers me to ours. “Night, Lucky. Night, Eli.”
While I wave at him, Elijah gives him a nod. We’re both quiet when Jayden disappears inside his apartment. There’s a lonely edge to the air without him, and I know I’m not the only one feeling it because Elijah’shold on me becomes weightier and his fingertips lightly claw into my flesh.
It takes him a moment to open the door without removing his hand from me while I coil my arm around his waist. His calloused fingers trace along the strip of exposed skin, shooting a white-hot thrill straight to my heart.
We walk inside squished together so we don’t have to let go of one another.
“Did you enjoy tonight?” Elijah asks as we meander through the living area toward the bedrooms.
“I did. It’s nice hanging out with Jayden. He’s funny and sweet, and he makes it easy to forget about everything else that’s going on. You know?”
When I peer up at him, Elijah’s watching me intently. His eyes are dark, reminding me of the deepest waters. The kind that you have no chance at resisting. The second you dive in; you’re doomed to drown. And that’s always been me when it comes to him.
“Jayden makes you smile, Elijah. He makes you laugh, and I love that. Seeing you happy brings me joy.”
“And you? Are you happy, Fin? I worry that I brought you here and I’m making you miserable,” he says, pausing in the space halfway between my room and his.
Turning into him, I stand in front of his tall frame, grasping his hand in mine while I knot our fingers together. His scent fills my lungs with every breath. As his hand trails to my hip, I inch closer.
“You could never make me miserable,” I murmur.
I want to kiss him so desperately that my insides are throbbing with the need to taste him. To show him how much I want him. How terribly I’ve missed him and our intimacy.
And even though we’re different people now, we’re stillus.
While he backs me closer to my door, he asks, “Are you sure?”
“I’m certain.”
I’m certain that I want him to kiss me.
I’m certain that he is going to kiss me.
Until his grip loosens. As begrudging as the pinched expression on his face appears, he’s still inches away from me. Out of my hold. Out of my reach.
I’m dying. Can’t he see it? Can’t hefeelit?
“Elijah…” I lunge at him as he turns away, gripping his wrist so tight that it hurts me.Don’t walk away.“Please,” I mouth, shaking my head pleadingly when he opens his lips to speak. To reject me.
“Fin...”
His brows are pulled tight, and he appears afraid, scrambling for what to say or do. This isn’t the Elijah I know. The boy who was bold and strong. Who was a man beyond his years when he stood up for me and protected me from my own brother. From scripture and punishment. From God.
“What is this? You and me. What are we? What’s happening to us?” The slew of questions takes him back, and when he tries to pull away, I hold on tighter.
I need an answer.
To know that I’m not clutching hopelessly on to him. Like I did to my grandma. I held on until there was nothing left to hold on to. Now all I have left of her are the memories of her decay. Pain.
