Page 168 of Break the Ice
“I didn’t ask for it. For any of it.” Connie continues with her workout; not having her eyes on me makes it easier to just spit the words out. “I didn’t want Ryker to kiss me. I’m not like that.”
“You’re not like what?” She asks, holding her lunge with her eyes screwed shut. Her voice quivers with her effort when she alternates. “You’re not gay?”
“No. I’m not… I don’t…”
“Breathe, Eli,” Connie says, her tone stern. “You’re panicking like I’m here to judge you, but I’m not. Many straight men kiss other men,and it doesn’t mean a thing. Sometimes you’re experimenting. There’s nothing wrong with exploring who you are.”
“That’s not what I mean, Connie.” Dropping my ass on the press bench, I focus on my feet. “I don’t go around kissing people, experimenting… exploring or… whatever. I’m not good with people.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Well, I don’t think I feel things the way others do.”
Connie heads toward me with the weights in her hands. Once she’s placed them back in their place, she drags the shorter stack of aerobic steps over and sits on them. “Everyone feels things differently.”
“I know that. I know that people feel things differently, but I don’t know how I feel most of the time. Sometimes I see people and I recognize that they’re attractive, but it’s like it doesn’t translate to the rest of me.”
“What about Finley? Something translated there.”
“I’ve known Finley all my life. She’s sweet, loyal and spirited, and she’s kind. Like Jayden, you know he’s funny and warm, and—” I stop.
My brain catches up with my mouth too late.
Fuck.
“We’re friends,” I say, hoping it’s enough to distract her from my ramble.
Connie smiles at me softly. “Needing an emotional connection to feel sexual attraction isn’t as uncommon as you think, Eli. There’s nothing wrong with that. With you.”
“Are you going to tell Coach about?—”
Shaking her head, she leans closer. “About what? Your sexuality has zero to do with your ability to play brilliant hockey. It’s up to you if and when you share that with anyone outside of this room.”
A weight is lifted from my shoulders, making it easier to breathe as an overwhelming sense of relief floods my chest.
Maybe talking to Connie isn’t a terrible thing.
CHAPTER 51
JAYDEN
“Smells so fucking sweet, baby.” I lean in for another long inhale of honey and spice. “My mouth’s watering for a taste.”
Finley pivots from the counter with a smirk, a small spoon of charred peach held just out of reach.
“Hmm… maybe you should get your salivary glands checked…” she teases, licking her juicy lip.
“Do I now?”
Half her hair is piled on her head, the rest tangling over her shoulders. There’s a giddy gleam I’ve never seen before—like someone unlocked a new level of happy. She’s in my shirt from last night; I put it on her this morning after we showered. She looks as mine as she feels… and still, a part of me imagines her in Eli’s clothes, padding around his kitchen making his favorite dessert.
“Do you feel guilty?” The question blurts out, and I regret it a heartbeat later when her brows pinch.
“Should I?” she counters. “Do you?”
I shake my head. “Eli let me touch you. He let me kiss you and left you with me. I know Eli. He wouldn’t have done any of that unless he wanted to… wantedthis.”
Finley nods. “He loves seeing us together.”
