Page 65 of Break the Ice
The way he’s staring down at the page has me shrinking into myself for fear of being judged. I don’t want him to think less of me or to see me as this pathetic person that’s lost and overwhelmed, and incapable of making sense of the world out here without questioning the rightness of it all.
What Jayden Morrow thinks of me shouldn’t matter. How he sees me shouldn’t be something I pay any thought to. But I do. And it does matter. Even if I don’t know why.
“This is how you feel?”
Knotting my fingers together, I nod. “Not all the time. I’m not depressed or… you know, sad. When I thought about being out here, I guess I made preconceptions about what it would be like, and now the reality is intimidating.”
“I meant about you and Eli. Do you feel like you’re not good enough for him?” I shrug, and he continues, “What if that’s how he feels, too?”
“What?”
That’s absurd. Elijah is the most incredible person I’ve ever known, and the way he loves is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. Lately it’s different, though. I know he loves me, and I love him, but there’s a barrier between us that I can’t get past or knock down.
“Obviously I don’t know him as long as you, but I see him every day. Eli’s basically my left hand at this point. So, I know how he gets in hishead about things. He closes himself off when people get too close, not just emotionally, but physically too.”
I glance up at him. And there it is that moroseness that’s etched deep beneath his surface...
You and him...
You go where he goes...
He goes where you go.
You’re always together.
Always freakishly in sync, and…
“Collywobbles.” He clears his throat.
Oh, Jayden.
My stomach wrenches at the conclusion that I have known all this time. That has called to my own melancholy.
I’m not alone after all.
I’m not the only one painfully in love with Elijah. With my best friend.
Shifting closer, I lean my head on his shoulder and breathe him in as he stares down at the page.
“So, collywobbles?” Jayden chuckles, turning his face toward me at the same time that I lift my head.
“Collywobbles,” I whisper, incapable of finishing the sentence when his stare flits to my lips and then back to mine.
Oh dear.
My body twists toward him, mirroring the motion of his.
Jayden really is gorgeous and warm and?—
“Yo, Nano…”
I yank away as Jayden pulls back. Slowly and calmly like we weren’t seconds away from doing something we might regret. Or maybe we wouldn’t.
Would we?
Jesus Christ, what is wrong with me?
“Oh, shit. Sorry, man…” Green eyes narrow on Jayden and me as Auguste Broussard pauses by the edge of the pool, taking in the scene. “Were you… fuck, dude…”
