Page 78 of Break the Ice
The pounding of my heart has my hand trembling as I grip the doorknob and twist.
“Elijah…”
I pause at her hoarse moan. With my grip stuck to the metal and my feet glued to the wooden floor, I hold my breath. All I can do is listen as the husky noises filter through the hardwood door.
Noises that I recognize.
That I have thought about and dreamt about and that have been the soundtrack to the best memory of me and her. In the shed behind the church. Just me and her.
Our hands exploring and our mouths… our mouths… our mouths devouring…
My body and her body so close that it hurt. Her bare skin on mine as I gave her all of me and she gave me all of her. And it wasn’t a sin. It wasn’t wrong.
Fuck.Fuck, I need that again.
“Oh God,” the mewl sends a shiver through me, straight to my hardened length.
And the instant that I squeeze myself, my legs quiver. Threatening to give out from under me.
Finley, I bite her name silent on my lip as her needy noises become louder and choppier and?—
“Jayden.”
The air whooshes from my lungs at the sound of her sobbed moan.
Jayden.
Jayden.
A thrill shoots down my spine. I feel it everywhere. Every inch of my skin crackles and all I can see is her and him.
My girl and my best friend.
The way they touch and smile and look at one another. The way they hang on each other’s every word.
And the way it makes me feel. That they make me feel.
I shouldn’t like it. It shouldn’t make me feel this needy. Wanting. It hurts and screams inside me as my hand fists my cock harder.
Fuck. I can’t do this. I can’t…
“Elijah…” It’s all I hear as I back away. Too slowly. Too worked up.
The instant I’m in my room, I head straight for the shower.
I flip the water on as I clumsily strip my boxers, allowing the freezing cold water to shock my body into reality.
Reality where I’m me and I know better than to get too close. Reality where the self-inflicted scars on my body remind me of my sins. Of the past. Of the pain and the shame.
For a moment it works.
Everything falls silent.
The bliss of it is so overpowering that I stand there until the water turns warm and then hot, until the heat is too much to bear. The scaldingpain makes it easier to breathe and exist. It’s the sort of pain I can control. I can make it hurt when I want to, and I can make it stop when it’s too much.
The power is in my hands.
It’s mine.
