Page 22 of His to Teach
But today that calm doesn’t come. I’m on edge all morning, through my first two classes and my hurried lunch of a granolabar, scarfed down in the ten minutes between my last class and my advisor meeting.
I know why I’m feeling this way—it’s Nate.
I keep telling myself I won’t run into him, that it’s a big campus and he has a full schedule. But that doesn’t stop me from looking for him in every hallway, around every corner.
Even in my advisor meeting I don’t have a reprieve. In addition to going over the curriculum for the classes I’ll be teaching as Professor Travers’s TA, we talk about research opportunities for the semester.
“You’re not required to finish your full-time research piece until second year,” he reminds me. “But we always encourage first-year students to get as much experience as possible. There are several part-time positions you could try for.”
I don’t need to listen as he goes through the list of projects with open grad student positions. I have them all memorized. And I already know which one I want.
“That doesn’t surprise me,” he says when I express my preference for Dr. Chase’s study. “I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that you’re looking at a very competitive position.”
I nod. Everyone in my year is going to be going for a spot. Not only does his topic have a lot of overlap between several departments, but Dr. Jonathan Chase is a big name in this field. His books on relationships and dating in the modern era almost always jump right to the front of the best seller lists, making him about as famous as a psychologist can be.
While it’s not guaranteed this research project will play a role in one of his mainstream books, the mere possibility is enough to make this the hot position of the year. The fact that it’s way more interesting than Professor Bradford’s Gender Studies in Amphibious Biomes project doesn’t hurt.
Of course, I don’t tell Professor Travers the other reason I would want to work with Jonathan Chase.
Put that out of your head right now,I tell myself.This is your academic career. Nate’s hotness has nothing to do with it.
Before I can think too much about the details of that hotness, my advisor leans across his desk. “So, tell me, Miss Cain. Why do you want to work on Dr. Chase’s project? I’m assuming you have a more nuanced reason than hoping to contribute to an Oprah’s Book Club selection.”
I smile at that. “I’m not going to pretend like that wouldn’t be a perk.” He chuckles warmly and I’m thankful, not for the first time, that I landed an advisor who seems sonormal. Some of the older academics in this department can be pretty stodgy. Almost all of them are eccentric. And that’s putting it nicely.
“It’s an interesting topic,” I tell him, sitting up a little straighter. “And fairly broad, which I’m hoping will help me to narrow down my focus before my own research next year.”
He leans back in his chair, gesturing for me to go on. His expression is neutral and I can’t tell if I’m doing a very good job of impressing him. I take a deep breath and launch into an explanation about the benefits of observing and working on a large project like this one due to my plans to focus primarily on research for my PhD in a few years, once I’ve completed my master’s. Then I talk about the topic itself and how it relates to the areas I’m already interested in and considering for my second-year research—namely subversive and non-traditional human sexuality studies. By the time I’m done talking, he’s finally smiling.
“Sounds like you have a good handle on things. I would be happy to recommend you for the position, Harper.” My heart soars. He has faith in me. “But it might be wise to have a few back-ups in mind,” he adds before I can get carried away.
That’s fine. A back-up is smart. The important thing is that I have my advisor’s approval.
I leave Travers’s office feeling better than I have all day. Talking to him reminded me of what’s really important here—and refilled my supply of confidence about my abilities. There might be a lot of things in my life I’m unsure of, but school has never been one of them.
So of course, it’s at that moment, when my guard is finally down, that I see him. And bysee himI mean run right into him outside of my adviser’s office.
“Whoa,” Nate murmurs, steadying me with his hands on my forearms. My face immediately flames with embarrassment. What is it with me barreling into this man? I’m not usually so clumsy.
“Sorry,” I say, taking a step back. His eyes flash with something—regret?—before he releases me.
“No, problem,” he murmurs, straightening a little when Travers follows me out of his office.
“Ah, Dr. Chase,” he says, holding out a hand. “I was just speaking with my TA here about her application for your research project. This is Harper Cain. A very promising first-year grad student I’m working with.”
Nate’s eyes flash again, his jaw clenching. But his voice is smooth and unconcerned when he replies. “I wish her the very best of luck.” Then he holds out his hand to shake mine.
Man, he’s better at that whole compartmentalizing thing than I am. My heart is beating so hard I’m sure Professor Travers must be able to hear it as I reach forward and take Nate’s hand. His skin is smooth and warm, just the way I remember, his fingers strong. And God, how am I supposed tonotthink about what those fingers have done to me?
I snatch my hand back, hoping I don’t look as worked up as I feel.
“I was just heading down to see Dr. Kenwood,” Nate says to my advisor. He casts me a final glance, his jaw clenching again. “Good luck with your application.”
Then he’s gone, moving down the hallway with that long, confident stride of his. I swallow, trying to rearrange my face into something closer to neutral, before turning back to Professor Travers to thank him for the introduction and say goodbye.
My limbs feel shaky as I head out into the bright afternoon sunshine. Why does he affect me like that? It was the most innocent of interactions and my heart is beating like I’ve just run a race. Not that I would know what it feels like to run a race, considering my idea of working out is taking a long walk with an audiobook playing on my phone, but still.
How in the hell am I going to manage to work with him if I get this position?I wonder, feeling despondent. There are other research projects. But I know the best thing for my academic career is to go for Nate’s team. I can’tnotgo for it just because I have a crush. That’s absurd.
