Page 51 of His to Teach
She looks down, fidgeting with her fork now.We’re going to have to do something about that, I think. It normally turns me on, when a sub shies away from eye contact. It’s a demure action, perfectly submissive. A sign of respect. But for some reason, I don’t always like it with Harper. Don’t like her hiding her eyes from me. They’re so expressive, always telling me everything I need to know about her feelings. It pisses me off when she tries to keep them from me.
“Tell me what you’re thinking.”
She sighs, reaching for her water and taking a long sip. “I’m just…I don’t know. It’s confusing.” She gestures helplessly between us. “All of this.”
“Me?” I ask, feeling slightly sick at the thought. “Or the lifestyle?”
“The lifestyle. Or…I don’t know. Both, I guess.”
I watch her, trying to understand this hesitation. She had told me that first night that she wanted to study people who were into BDSM, to understand them and their desires. And she had seemed so guilty at the club, ashamed to be enjoying the depraved things I showed her.
“You’re still not sure if this is right for you,” I finally guess.
She looks almost embarrassed. “I’m a grown woman. I should be confident enough to like what I like. To own my sexuality. But I just…” she meets my gaze and I can see it all there. Her shame and her doubts. That expression stabs throughmy heart and I know in that instant I would do anything to take away those feelings.
She takes a deep breath. “I just can’t seem to silence that voice that tells me that there’s something wrong with me, you know?”
“There is nothing wrong with you.” My voice comes out harsher than I had intended, but damn. I refuse to let her think she has anything to be ashamed of. “People like all different kinds of sex and?—”
“I know.” Her eyes dart around like she’s afraid someone at a neighboring table will hear us talking so explicitly. “I do. I’m just being stupid.”
“Angel, you are far from stupid.”
Her eyes light up a little, as if she likes to hear the pet name from my lips, and I make a mental note to do more of that. She’s completely right—I left her hanging, left her open to confusion and doubt because I wasn’t forthright with her. That ends right now.
“You know what I think?” I ask and she shakes her head, still looking at me with those bright eyes. “I think the only way for you to know if this lifestyle is right for you is to get more experience with it.” I raise my eyebrows, allowing all of the desire I feel for this woman to burn in my gaze. “And I would love to help you with that on Saturday.”
She grins, the pink on her cheeks darkening. “This Saturday?”
I nod. “Club Wyld. I’ll pick you up at eight.”
Her grin grows mischievous, want darkening her eyes. “Dr. Chase, I have a feeling this Saturday will be very instructive.”
I grin right back. “It sure as fuck will.”
HARPER
By the time I walk out to Nate’s waiting car at exactly eight p.m. on Saturday, I’m a miserable mess of emotions—aroused, confused, nervous, and frustrated with myself.
“What’s wrong with you?” he asks as soon as my ass hits the leather seat cushion.
“Hello to you too,” I mutter.
He ignores my response, reaching over to tilt my chin in his direction so he can look at my face. “Something’s wrong. I can tell.”
I sigh. “Sorry. I’m just…nervous, I guess.” That’s only part of it, but it’s the easiest part. The safest.
Nate nods. “That’s normal.”
“I just feel stupid,” I admit. “To be nervous, I mean. I’ve been to the club twice before.”
He’s quiet for a moment, the thumb still holding my chin tracing little circles on my skin. “Those times you were just coming to watch,” he guesses. “And tonight you’re wondering if you’ll be participating.”
It shouldn’t surprise me that he understands so quickly. He always seems to know what I want and need before I even do. “Yes.”
He nods. “Let me just remind you, you don’t have to do anything.”
I roll my eyes a little. “I know. You tell me enough.”
