Page 67 of Love You, Mean It
“Yes, you do. And maybe if you tell me, it’ll make you feel better. It worked for Harper that day you got her to tell you what was going on.” I stroked the hair from her face.
“It’s embarrassing, Charles. I’m a grown woman crying because I have a shitty family.” She shrugged, as if it was a relief to say it aloud.
“Nothing to be embarrassed about. I have a shitty family too. We have no control of that. Tell me what happened.”
“I mean, how far back do you want to go?” She chuckled again before sniffing a few times and looking away.
Man, I fucking understood it more than she knew.
This shame that came with feeling like you weren’t good enough as a kid, something that followed you right into adulthood.
I reached for her chin and tipped it in my direction, meeting her gaze. “As far back as you want to go, Firefly.”
“So, my father is a piece of shit. He left my mom before I was born, and he has a whole new family, and I’m an outsider there. A third wheel. My mother resents me for my father leaving us, and she’s a severe alcoholic, and my call with her tonight just reminded me that I don’t fit anywhere, you know?” Her bottom lip shook, and I wrapped my hand around the back of her head and waited for her gaze to meet mine. “And I’m so tired of trying to find my place, you know?”
“Those don’t sound like people that you want to fit in with, right?” I asked, choosing my words carefully. “You just haven’t found your people, Violet. Anyone who makes you feel like you don’t belong, or like a third wheel. Fuck them. You were clearly born to be a goddamn unicycle, and anyone who knows you knows that.”
She studied me for the longest time, her smirk turning into the brightest smile. “A unicycle, huh?”
“Yeah, it sounds like your parents don’t see you. But I see you. The minute I met you, I knew you could ride solo. A firefly who lights up the sky all on her own.”
“Says the man who likes to ride solo himself. With his little girl in the sidecar.” She chuckled.
“Yeah, maybe that’s why we’re drawn to one another. We have more in common than we thought,” I said, using the pad of my thumb to stroke her jaw.
“Well, we both have messed-up childhoods. We’re stubborn and set in our ways,” she said, listing things off. “We both think Harper is the coolest kid around. We have the same taste in friends.”
“We’re both great kissers,” I said.
“Even if I sort of blew the ‘bang it out’ plan, huh?”
“You know, I don’t think that was really supposed to be our thing. I think you found a reason to call it off, and as much as I was disappointed, a part of me was relieved.” I regretted my choice of wording when I saw the way her face fell.
“Yeah, probably good that we don’t cross that line.”
“That’s not what I meant, Violet.” I waited for her eyes to find mine. “I don’t want to bang anything out with you. I mean, yeah, I’d like to bury myself so deep in you that I can’t see straight. But I don’t think once will be enough for me. I also don’t want to pretend it didn’t happen after. If—and that’s only if you decide you want to go there—but if we did cross the line, I’d want to take my time. I’d want to do it over and over until you didn’t want anyone but me.”
Her eyes widened, breath quickening.
“I thought you didn’t do repeat customers?” she said, her voice low and hesitant.
As if she was afraid to ask the question.
“I don’t. I mean, I haven’t since Harper came into the world. It’s just been me and her. But I also don’t question things that feel right. And yes, you aggravate the hell out of me most days,” I said on a laugh. “But I go to bed thinking about you. I wake up happy that you’re in my kitchen cooking breakfast. So, this is different. I don’t know what it means. Maybe it’s something we do a couple times and it ends. Maybe you’ll be sick of me after the first time. But from where I’m coming from, I’d like to see where it goes, if you’re open to that. One day at a time, Firefly. Maybe we get two days, maybe we get ten. Hell, maybe we last longer than we can count before we want to murder each other.”
She blinked a few times like she was processing my words.
Maybe this was too much for her.
“And there’s no pressure to do anything. I just wanted you to know that I was open to more than a ‘bang it out’ type of thing.” I cleared my throat, suddenly feeling like an asshole for saying anything. Maybe she wanted this to be done.
“Stop, Charles.” She put her finger to my lips. “I like you so much it makes me nervous. I prefer to be annoyed with you. It’s safer that way.”
I nodded. I understood it.
“I think you could like me and still be annoyed by me,” I said as I nipped at the tip of her finger.
She laughed and said, “I mean, this relationship is doomed. We tried to have a one-night stand, and I thought you were a serial killer. Then you came over here to spend some time with me, and I blubbered like a big baby.”
