Page 30 of Not All Himbos Wear Capes
“Cute manties, Xan,” Kai cackled, holding a plastic bodega bag in one hand and a cardboard tray of coffees in the other. “Are those frogs?”
I glanced down at my boxer briefs, a gag gift from my brother Baltasar during our annual, notoriously cutthroat White Elephant exchange last Christmas.
Joke’s on him because I love them.
“Pacific green sea turtles andI had a date last night.”I enunciated, hoping against all odds she would get the hint and take a hike.
She snorted. “Don’t I know it? You two had anexcellenttime, from what I overheard. Now, put onTrophy Wives,bestie, because these breakfast burritos ain’t gonna eat thems—HOLY SHIT, he’s still here!”
Her rambling was cut short as Butch strode from the bedroom, shooting sexy daggers at Kai as he stared her down. He was fully dressed and just as tasty in the harsh morning light as he’d been while writhing on my bed, wearing nothing but his tie.
Please don’t get a hard-on in your turtle briefs in front of…
“Well, dang,” Kai murmured, her gaze roaming over him in an appreciative way I did not like one bit. “This might be the first time someone lookedbetterin real life than in their Bangers profile pic.”
An adorable wrinkle of confusion appeared between Butch’s eyebrows as he turned to me, so I explained. “This is my extremely nosey next-door neighbor, Kai. She’s actually the one who created the Bangers profile for me and reached out to you initially. I wanted nothing to do with the app before.”
As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them, immediately worried that Butch would interpret this to mean Iwouldn’thave chosen him on my own.
I don’t want him to doubt any of this.
BeforeI could have mysecondexistential crisis of the morning, Butch turned to Kai and smiled so brightly, it was as if the sun rose again. “Well, shoot. I can’t stay mad about being woken up when it’s thanks toyouI now have Xander in my life.”
Oh, no.
It was like watching a slow-motion video of two speeding trains headed for each other down the track. I knew what was coming, but all I could do was shut my eyes and brace for impact.
As predicted, Kai released a deafeningly shrill sound, not unlike a train whistle. “Oh. My. God.My babies!This is amazing. This is fucking incredible, and we need to dig into these burritos while you tell me all about it. I brought extra of everything, so sit your ass down, big guy!”
She grabbed Butch’s arm with her hot-pink tips and dragged him toward the couch. To his credit, he let her manhandle him, smiling sweetly as she sat him down and began spreading out breakfast on the coffee table.
“So… what do you want to know?” Butch asked, the epitome of innocence.
Oh, you sweet summer child.
Kai’s supervillain smile would have made my mother proud. “Well—”
“Nope. Uh-uh,” I cut in before Butch could fall into her trap. “Kai is a major voyeur and wants. Every. Dirty. Detail. I’m not kidding, baby.”
Butch blushed furiously as Kai clutched her chest. “Baby?! You’re calling himbaby?Ugh. Just… okay, time-out on the cuteness because I have to piss like a racehorse. Hold the first date detes until I get back, lover boys.”
She scampered through my bedroom to the en suite, leaving blessed silence in her wake. For a moment, Butch and I just stared at each other, until his gaze dropped to the giant ball of fur I was still holding.
“You have a cat,” he remarked, his dimples popping out as he tried to suppress his smile.
“I do,” I replied, giving said cat a scratch behind the ear. “His name is Neil deGrasse Meowson, but we peasants just call him Meowson.”
To my astonishment, the furry overlord wiggled free and walked straight to Butch before jumping onto his lap. This was unheard of, as he was infamous for scratching the shit out of anyone who dared to disturb his life.
It’s probably why we get along so well.
“You don’t strike me as someone who’d adopt a cat,” Butch added, running his huge hands through Meowson’s floof while the little demon purred up a storm.
“Uh… he sort of adopted me.” I rubbed the back of my neck, suddenly self-conscious about my cat and the fact I was still standing around in my turtle underwear. “He kept showing up on the fire escape, pawing at the window. I finally let him in one night because it was pouring out, and I’m notthatmuch of a monster. He decided he liked me and wanted to stay. I decided I liked him and wanted him to. And that was it.”
“That easy, huh?” Butch quietly asked, holding my gaze as the air seemed to ripple between us.
That easy.
