Page 5 of Valhalla is Full of Hunks
Although I doubtanyoneelse besides Leia is sharing a bed with Timyn now that Vann has claimed him…
Thoughts and prayers, all around.
I also had to roll my eyes at his grossly inaccurate self-assessment. Vann was not kind. He wasn’t even civil most of the time—and that included towardme,who he tolerated more than most.
But he had been helpful when asked to assist with closing the cloudberry deal on my first trip to Sweden. Unsurprisingly, Vann hadn't played tour guide while we were here together, but hehadlet it slip that there were mythical monsters around suffering from the same ‘affliction’ as those in Greece.
Cue the start of my not-so-secret obsession.
And I wasn’t the least bit sorry about it, either. Men who looked like my ideal type in human form who could also sprout freak nasty accessories between the sheets? Count me the fuck in with a side of Swedish meatballs.
I can’t wait to eat some Swedish meatballs…
And dick.
Realizing—but also loving—that Vann was probably fuming over how I hadn’t immediately apologized, I finally replied.
Never fear, calamari. I met a boring ol’ human instead.
Sixteen Dicks Deep:How big is his dick, tho? [ruler emoji]
Welcome back, ho.
Apparently, Leia had wrestled her phone out of Vann’s clapper claws, and while I normally loved oversharing, I suddenly felt… protective over Fen. Who I barely knew.
That’s weird.
No idea. Yet. We have a coffee date today, so I can make sure he’s not a serial killer before we fuck.
Which is more precaution than I usually take.
Sixteen Dicks Deep:Snore. Well, keep me posted. [eyeballs emoji] I want to live vicariously since I’m a boring ol’ housewife now.
This time, I rolled my eyes so hard, I almost ended up back in Athens. Leia’s life was far from boring. If anything,minehad become nothing but the 9-5 grindshe’descaped.
With none of the fancy peen benefits she now enjoys.
That unpleasant stab of jealousy flared up again, making me want to cut the conversation short before I said something I’d regret.
Okay, wifey. I need to get ready so I look hot as hell for this Fen character. [coffee emoji] [eggplant emoji] [two hole emojis]
TTYL bish.
Sixteen Dicks Deep:OoooOOOOoooo FEN, huh? Ok well I expect ALL the post ‘coffee’ date deets oisahgoadjkskj
I sighed and exited our message thread, since I had absolutely zero interest in being scolded by the sour sea creature again.
Being ‘mommed’ isn’t really my thing…
I revisited last night’s brief text conversation with Fen as I brushed my teeth. Halfway through hitting up the fruitless bars, I’d drunk texted him some flirty bullshit. He’d immediately replied with the address for the coffee shop—along with a reminder to drink water—which earned him a few points. I’d replied with a promise to both meet him at the coffee shopandstay hydrated, which then resulted in a mic drop text from mystery man.
Sexy Sven:Good girl.
If my pussy could have given me a fist bump, she would have. Fen continued to prove himself to be a veryun-Swedelike Swede, but both Little Iola and I were here for it.
That’s right. My pussy has a name.
Deal with it.
