Page 11 of Valhalla is Full of Hunks
“JESUS FUCKING FUCKING CHRIST!!!”I shouted, causing the ancient alien to flinch as ifI’dstartledhim.
“Oh, my!” he chuckled, placing a hand over his heart and grinning broadly. “You’re a feisty one, huh?”
Upon a second glance, he actually looked human enough—if you ignored the vertical reptilian slits for pupils in his unblinking, aquamarine eyes. I wasn’t sure if the smile he now displayed was meant to put me at ease, but the mouthful of razor-sharp teeth wasnothelping.
The only reason I hadn’t passed out from sheer terror was because I was well-versed in monsters lurking beneath the skins of men. Plus, there was something about him that reminded me of Herculeia’s Hydra, Timyn.
I swear to gawd, if that meddling ho is behind this kidnapping…
Either of them.
Despite how tense I was, I sweetly smiled in return, deciding that making friends was as good a tactic as any.
Especially if he has keys to these handcuffs.
Because yes, someone had apparentlyhandcuffedme to a bed in a large rustic-looking room. This wasScandinavianrustic, however, which meant effortlessly stylish and cozy. Natural light was pouring in from massive windows, casting the light wood and white walls—surprise!—in a glow as soft as the linen upholstery.
I’m shocked the cuffs aren’t covered in neutral-toned wool to match…
My gaze snagged on an unexpectedly bright red throw—sacrilege!—before returning to the man sitting uncomfortably close on the bed. Flesh-chompers and disconcerting eye situation aside, dude looked like a dead-ringer for my number two boo, Bill Skarsgard.
If you have to ask who my number one Skarsgard is, we can’t be friends.
He was also wearing lederhosen—ironically, I assumed, since he’d paired the suspendered shorts with a hot pink baseball cap that saidBier ist leben.More important than his fashion sense, he wasn’t taking a bite out of me, and that had to count for something.
“Are you related to…Timyn?”I nonchalantly asked, eager to start the process of elimination for who was going to catch these hands for the crime of cockblocking.
On that note, I wonder what happened to Fen…
I hope this one didn’t eat him.
“The Kraken’s mate?” he scoffed, confirming thatVannwas at least partially responsible for this mess. His reptilian eyes narrowed accusingly as his grin faded, reminding me to focus on the potential threat in front of me, instead of worrying about Scholarly Sven’s fate. “How dare you?! We’re not even the same species.”
So predictable.
When it came to these mythological monsters, I’d learned most were one-off limited editions, created by the gods for singular purposes. Despite this—and comparisons between them being apples to oranges—they all firmly believedtheywere the bestest one there ever was.
May the fanciest peen win!
“That’s a shame.” I sighed dramatically. “I can’t think of anyone more impressive than the Hydra.”
As I’d hoped, mystery man… monster immediately launched into a villain monologue to identify himself. “Excuse me? The Hydra was but a passing labor, easily defeated by a half-mortal. I amJörmungandr—the Midgard Serpent! Vast enough to circle the world!”
He wasn’t done. If anything, the dramatic danger noodle was just getting started as heclimbed onto the bedto continue his soapboxing from a higher perch.
“It wasIwho brought about Ragnarok!” he shouted, shaking a fist at the exposed wood beams high above us. “Just as the prophecy foretold, I released my tail and the sea violently churned, signaling the coming flood. Like a harbinger of doom, I rose from the depths, filling the air with poison… The same poison that defeated the mighty Thor, nine steps after he mistakenly thought himself victorious—”
“Jörmungandr,huh?” I interrupted, raising a judgy eyebrow as I gazed up at him. “That’s a mouthful.”
His attention snapped to my face and, for a moment, I wondered how wise it was to taunt a giant sea snake with very pointy teeth.
While being chained to a bed…
I shouldn’t have worried. The filthiest smirk I’d ever laid eyes on stretched across his handsome face, and I could only gape as he seductively trailed a hand down a suspender to cup his junk through his lederhosen.
That hasnobusiness being as sexy as it is.
“Yessss…” he purred, swiveling his hot little hips for effect. “I’ve been told I’mquitea mouthful.”
