Page 131 of Stripping Bare
He stared down into his mug, into the swirling chocolate that reminded him of Tessa’s eyes. “Initially? Because I felt like a fucking failure for not being able to protect you. I owed you something, Tessa. When Micki and I came back to that room and I realized you’d been raped again…I…I knew it was myfault.”
She placed her hand on his cheek, forcing him to look at her. “You were doing what you thought was right. What you thought would protectme.”
“I made the wrong choice, so later, I wanted to make it up to you in any way I could. I wanted every one of those bastards to have something taken from them the way youdid.”
“You felt sorry for me. That’s why you brought me on board at SteeleTrap.”
He wanted to pull her in, wrap her tight in his arms, and reassure her that he would never undermine her trust again. “I wanted you to have the best life possible. I could give you a little boost, but I had nothing to do with all the hard work it took you to get to where you are. The day you walked into the offices in Seattle, you were so put together, I couldn’t believe you’d ever been a victim. I think I fell in love with you then, when I realized you hadhealed.”
“But you didn’t know how to stop thinking I hadn’t. Which meant you wouldn’t allow yourself to acknowledge your feelings forme.”
“It felt wrong. Like I was just as bad as one of them. Because when I looked at you, I wanted you with a power that felt out of control. I fantasized about taking you… against the wall, in the stairwell, on mydesk.”
“I wish you’d told me all this years ago. You’ve been torturing yourself, convincing yourself we couldn’t be together because you like to call the shots in thebedroom.”
“Is it too late for usnow?”
“I think that depends on if you’ve truly changed the way you see me. I’ll always be a rape victim, but that doesn’t make me fragile. I don’t want or need to be taken care of like a child. I want to be treated like a woman, like anequal.”
“Which means sometimes you protect me.” It was really that simple and that damn complex. A real relationship was fluid and no one got to play the same role all thetime.
“Does that botheryou?”
“I’d be lying if I said it felt comfortable, but I will doanythingto make this work. I didn’t fall in love with you out of pity, because you were a victim. I fell in love with you because I admire you, because you’re a survivor. I love you and I want you, as a partner, in my life every day from now until the end. I can’t promise I won’t screw up sometimes and try to protect you. But I won’t hide things from youanymore.”
With a small smile, she glanced out at his family, where Reid had just thrown Brynne over his shoulder and Britt was trying to keep their mom from climbing into the bucket of the cherry picker. “It’s obvious that you have a little caveman in yourDNA.”
“That’s an understatement.” But that didn’t mean she could live with it. She still hadn’t answered his question. Had he ruinedeverything?
“I love you, Jonah. I love you and wouldn’t know how to stop if I tried. We’ll both screw things up from time to time. But I trust you. I trust that you’ll tell me the truth and listen when I tell you what I need, not what you think I need.” Then she wrapped her arms around his waist, and the feeling of contentment that streamed through Jonah was bonedeep.
“I promise.” Jonah kissed her—a deep commitment to their future full of love, laughter, and unexpected visits from hisfamily.
The whoops, hollers, and catcalls from the yard didn’t deter him one bit. Tessa was his. And he washers.
When they finally parted, lips clinging, Tessa’s eyes were bright—with trust, happiness, andlove.
“How would you feel about spending more time with the Steele family?” he asked her. “Maybe with a little less crime and a few more clothes? I’ll even throw in Clementine if you’re willing to go forit.”
She laughed, and it lit him up inside, brighter than the trillion lights his mom had wrapped around that tree. “I feel like it would be the adventure of a lifetime, one I want to share with the man I love. Jonah Steele, you’ve got yourself adeal.”
So with Tessa’s hand safely in his, he stepped off the porch and into the beautiful adventure of their lifetogether.
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