Page 105 of The Princess of Nothing
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
“You’re here,” Blaisesaid in disbelief after I’d come to the library. Cedric had gone to the town to gather supplies. Hundreds of people had died in the battle. Their bodies were still being buried in mass graves. I stayed with the others, mourning, wondering how I’d been so lucky. I felt more darkness inside me than ever. I dared not tell a soul, but something had attached itself to me when I was on the other side, or perhaps when I’d been brought back, and it was unrelenting.
I kept dismissing the dark urges and desires, but they consumed me. Voices, telling me to do things I didn’t want to, like hurt people. “Stop!” I growled.
Blaise frowned. “What did I do?”
“Nothing.” I closed my eyes. “Sorry.” I’d taken several of Morgana’s capsules, but nothing kept the darkness at bay. “Blaise, I’m sorry for everything. I—”
Before I could say anything else, his lips were on mine. He held onto me tightly, the urgency strengthening our bond. The darkness in me purred with his, begging for more. He tangled his hand in my hair.
“Blaise.” His name rolled off my tongue as I pulled away. His breaths were heavy as his head rested against mine. His grip around me tightened.
“I won’t apologize,” he said before I could tell him it was wrong.
I felt dizzy. “I can’t do this. I’m with Cedric. I know we’ve been through so much.”
His eyes squeezed shut. “I...” He opened them again, looking uncertain as his gaze met mine. “Don’t leave.”
“This has to stop.” I cried, pushing him away. “You confuse me. I never know what you want or what this is, and I’m hurting Cedric, a man I care about.”
His lips parted. “I−”
“It’s not your fault.” I reined in my anger. I wasn’t being fair to him. “You’re just doing what feels good for you and that’s all you know.”
“You died.” He said. “It...terrified me.” He took my hands in his. “But you’re alive.”
“Why did it terrify you?”
“Why wouldn’t it?” He brushed his fingers against my lips. “Admit it. You don’t really want him.”
My heartbeat quickened. “Please don’t.”
“My brother is upset with me, you know. He believes I used my armies to protect you.”
“You were protecting Magaelor.” I hesitated. “Right?”
He shrugged. “What does it matter? You’re staying with him. You’ve made it abundantly clear.”
“You care about Magaelor’s people.” I stated because he wouldn’t.
He laughed. “I am not like your preciousCedric. I don’t pretend to care about things I don’t. I care for Niferum.”
My heart raced, and my voice cracked. “Don’t do this.” My tears fell thick and fast. “I’ve just become queen again. I-I can’t stand it. There’s someone who wants me deeply just rooms from where we stand.” I paused. “Where I betrayed him. Cedric is a good man.”
His forehead wrinkled. “I’m sure he is.”
“I want to be with him.”
“You don’t.” His eyes widened. “You’re just saying that, but it’s fine. You can continue lying to yourself.” Blaise shook his head. “What you have with him, it’s nothing compared to what you actually want.”
“How would you know?”
“We are one of them same, Winter. He will never be enough for you. You’re too passionate.” He grabbed my shoulders, looking me dead in the eye. “We understand each other. We’re not like other people. He will never understand your dark side, or embrace it. You’ll always feel like half a person with him.”
“Let me ask you something.” I gulped, my hands were beginning to shake. “Why do you want me to leave him so much? You kiss me, why? You can’t feel love, so why are you playing with my feelings? What is it you want?”
I’d done it. Shattered the illusion of the game. I saw it in his eyes. Something in him changed. His lips parted, but he didn’t speak.
