Page 108 of The Princess of Nothing
He knew. I felt like I could vomit at any moment. Feign ignorance or admit the truth and be wrong? “Cedric...” I hesitated.
“You don’t love me. You’ve been distant since we arrived here, and I wondered if part of it had to do with Blaise...”
I blew out a tense breath. At least he didn’t know about the kiss. I parted my lips to speak, but my voice was swallowed by shame. I wanted Cedric with me, yet, when his lips were on mine, I thought of another. “I want to be different.” I said, with earnest.
“I know.”
Fae could tell when they were being lied to, so it was hardly a surprise. “How can you tell if someone is lying?” I asked, realizing I’d never ventured into that question before. “I mean, can you always tell?” I had lied to Blaise before, and he hadn’t noticed, or at least did an excellent job pretending otherwise.
“It’s not fool-proof. Sometimes, if our emotions are heightened, or we want to believe something different, then our senses can betray us, but usually it is a tingling, a knowing, like intuition. The words just feelwrongin our ears when they’re tainted with a lie.”
“So it’s not as black and white as you know every single time?”
He nodded. “If I have learned anything this month, it’s that the world is filled with shades of gray. For example, us.” He squeezed my hands, bringing some semblance of warmth back to my fingers. “You and I are so different. I know you don’t love me, but I see something that can blossom under the right circumstances. What I feel for you, it’s confusing, and a little unnerving at times.”
I licked my chapped lips. “Are you breaking up with me?”
“No.”
My breath hitched. “I’ve been unfair to you.” I looked up into his eyes, a gaze which reminded me of sunshine. Seeing him in front of me, strong, tall, muscular, with laugh lines and honey-colored hair, made me smile. He’d been my fortress under all the recent dread, and I’d betrayed him. Blaise was a storm cloud over us, a constant ghost watching me, unrelenting in my memories where he remained, testing my resolve. I was glad to be free of Niferum and him, so I could do right by Cedric. “I need you with me.”
“I have to go back to my family.” He bit the inside of his cheek, disconcertion in his gaze. “I need to patch things up. You were busy winning back your kingdom and building an army, so I didn’t want to burden you before, but the correspondence with my mother and father have been filled with uncertainty. Xenos was angry after reports came back that it was me who’d aided your escape. They’d never have come after us before, but with Kiros on the throne now, he’s unpredictable, not to mention he already hated me.” I half-expected him to smirk, but there was nothing playful in his expression. “Kiros is dangerous. After what we did to him, he could come after my family. They don’t hold as much power as the solises.”
“Hardly any at all,” I mumbled under my breath, understanding his worry. Even if the fae were immortal, most were disorganized, preoccupied with their want for pleasure was their detriment. Ambition was not a trait they were known for, and that’s how sorcerers kept winning. Until Blaise. The first king to evoke any real change since Azrael, his dead father, first became king. “Kiros can’t kill your parents.”
“He can do other things. Close our borders, refuse trade, hurt those who are close to us.” He counted his fingers. “We have solises at court we shelter as if they were family. He could easily send assassins and cover his tracks. We protect many unicorns in our forests. Xenos’s lords and the royal family want them, for their healing properties. The forest borders our towns and theirs. It wouldn’t be hard for them to cross over and take what they want.”
“I know they want unicorns.” I shuddered at the memory of drinking one’s blood which was slipped into my food and tea, and the ground horn which was used in a paste to heal me physically from my time in the pits. “Kiros didn’t seem to want to hurt them.”
“He has to answer to his lords, and I promise you, they do.” His jaw clenched. “Not everything is down to him, just as when you return to court, you’ll need to appease the lords, no? Your priests, or whoever runs your places of worship”
My stomach churned. “I guess sometimes, but I’m the one in power.”
He didn’t argue. “I must return to help broker peace.”
“Surely your presence will only mean to aggravate him?” I pointed out, recalling the range of Kiros’s arrogance and ego. “He will want you punished for humiliating him.”
“I am certain he will be worse if I don’t return. It will be a strong show of disrespect by the light fae. It’s not easy for us. They call us equals, but we are not. We have never been. If I don’t show to receive punishment for my actions, which will most likely be a slap on the wrist as he wouldn’t politically be allowed toreallyhurt me, then my family will pay. The other fae will pay.”
“I know you’re not equal to the solises, in their eyes.” I wrapped my arms around my torso, digging my hands into the fur lining the inside of my traveling cloak. Not a soul had bowed to Cedric when he strode the solis-populated towns in Berovia. “Us lunas are also often looked down upon because of our magic.”
“You know”—he shoved his hands in his pockets—“I have yet to see the breadth of your magic and culture. I assumed the worse before, but as we all know, it’s easy to be ignorant to things we do not know.”
“Then stay for a little while,” I pleaded. “I’m sure nothing will happen in a couple of weeks. My coronation will be held by the high priest of Magaelor. You’ll see the rituals performed, the depth our people’s loyalty and love, and how it is woven into our magic. It’s a part of us. I want to show you all the beauty many refuse to see of our land.”
“I will stay for your coronation.” He sighed, but half-smirked, letting me know it was okay. “Then I must return to my family. For a short time, at the least. I have to build bridges. They’re my parents, my sisters and brothers. I abandoned them once, for you, to do the right thing, but now I need to do right by them.”
“I understand.” I smiled, casting my eyes down to my snow-covered boots. At least he would be there for the coronation. A small victory. “Does this mean we’re okay?”
“That depends...”
I curled my lips behind my teeth.
“We are good.” He chuckled.
“You make me happy.” I said in all seriousness. It’s why I was afraid of him leaving to Berovia, because we were fragile now, and if he left, then I was scared he wouldn’t return to me. “I have to make this work.”
He arched an eyebrow. “Haveto?”
“Want to.” I corrected.
“Majesty.” Adius called from over the winds. “We must ride before night falls.”
“Yes.” The guards had finished their prayers for the dead. Many of the stragglers, who’d not returned home with the rest of my people after the battle, had stopped just to take in the landscape where the battle had been fought, a slice of history frozen in time, captured in our memories, before returning. It was quiet, save for the distant howl of a wolf or anumi. “We will leave now, Adius. The path through mountains will be safe, save for the wolves and anumi, which I pray we don’t encounter. Blaise had all glamours lowered.”
A sharp nod from Adius finalized the conversation.
Four hours later, we passed over the threshold into my kingdom. I breathed in the pine-pinched, bitterly cold air and let out a soft sigh. Looking over the fir trees which inked into the distance, set against a canvas of gray, with small paths running between the sea of trees, I smiled. We were home. Back in Magaelor. I was happy, and disconcertingly, the darkness which had latched itself to me purred as we moved south, to Ash Court.
