Page 26 of The Court of Secrets
His eyebrows knitted together. “To your chambers at this hour?” he asked, as if he hadn’t heard correctly.
“Did I stutter?” I shouted, making the other guard jolt. “If you want to keep your position, I suggest you don’t question me. Why is everyone always questioning me as if I’m a fucking nobody. I’m queen, and I’m sick of reminding everyone of it.”
“I’ll go get him immediately,” he said quickly, catching the stare of the other guard.
I clenched my jaw and forced myself to go inside my room instead of kicking him.
I lay on my bed, waiting for Cedric. I still seethed, but as minutes ticked past, I calmed enough to clear my mind. It had been reckless to call him, and I was sure rumors would flurry about his coming to my chambers so late, but I had just found out I had a creepy, centuries-old necromancer inside me or attached to me. At least, a part of him was. Maybe he was controlling me. I didn’t know, but it felt unnerving.
“Sweetheart,” Cedric whispered, opening the door. “I was, uh, told to give you this?” He handed me a glass bottle with a stopper. “From Morgana. I’ll assume you’re on speaking terms now.”
I grabbed it and sniffed. It smelled like death and dirt, but I gulped it down anyway, on the edge of vomiting. I wretched, and it tumbled from my fingers, shattering onto the ground.
“Are you okay?”
I shook my head. My stomach ached. “No.”
“What happened?”
“I need you, Cedric,” I said, my voice breaking.
His smile dropped as he rushed to my side. He stroked my hair, and I rested my head against his shoulder. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Do you ever feel like you’re a bad person?”
He paused for a second before continuing to run his fingers through my strands. “No.”
“Never?”
“I’ve done bad things, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a good person, if that’s what you’re referring to.”
“I don’t believe it.” I half-smiled. “What things have you done?”
“Drank too much liquor. Kissed girls and made promises I couldn’t keep, Danced my way around those truths with beautiful words and got what I wanted. I have slighted people occasionally.”
I let out a weighted sigh. We were not even close in comparison. He couldn’t possibly understand because even though the necromancer was behind my dark thoughts, he was only heightening things already there. The rage, hatred, and spite were in me long before I had died. I’d almost cost people their lives, and I had murdered my father.
“You’re not a bad person,” Cedric whispered as if he could sense my mind. “You have done things because you had to. You’re a royal. Sometimes it comes with the job, as you have so pointedly said before. I’m beginning to understand that now more than ever.” His expression darkened.
My own smile wavered. “Right. I’m sure it’s the stress of being back. It’s making me a little on edge.”
He kissed my temple. “Let me melt away some of the stress. Besides, you have something to look forward to.”
“You mean my coronation.”
“Not long.” He grinned.
I wished he hadn’t reminded me. While I was excited, I was also worried. Blaise was on his way, and being around him changed me… I remembered; Cedric wouldn’t be here for long. “Then you’re leaving,” I said, feeling loneliness wretch open a hole in my stomach. “After my coronation.”
“I have to. I’ve already sent word to my family. You did know this already.”
I squeezed my eyelids shut. Morgana had said we could hurt the people close to us; therefore, maybe it wasn’t the worst thing for him to be leaving. “I’ll miss you.”
“I may come back,” he teased.
“When?”
“I’m not sure yet. You may not even want me back.”
