Page 84 of The Court of Secrets
“He helped you?”
She nodded slowly, the corner of her lips tugging. “Why wouldn’t he?”
“He just… surprises me sometimes.”
She sipped her tea some more, amusement in her eyes. “I never thought I’d see it.”
“What?”
“You. In love. Actually opening yourself up to another person.”
I rolled my eyes. “I opened myself to you.”
She shook her head. “Not completely.” She set her cup on the table. “I’m happy for you, truly.”
I inhaled sharply, fumbling my fingers on my lap. “Blaise needs to go back this week. He’s been away from Lepidus for too long, so we can travel with him to the border. But, Morgana, he wants to help us get rid of the necromancer.” I clicked my tongue, but she nodded.
“Of course he would. He’s in love with you.”
I pushed a lock of hair from my eyes. I would never tire of hearing that. “I know.”
She pointed at the small stack of books next to the bed, their ancient leather spines dull under the powdered light. “As I was saying, about your plan working, well, Winter, you were right. There’s nothing written about how to kill this necromancer, because no one has succeeded.” She placed her index finger in the air, halting my next words. “But there were others before him. One was killed with the Dagger of Ruin, and if an Object of Kai killed him, there’s no reason why it wouldn’t work on another.”
I’d gone through those books and found nothing. She always had a way of finding exactly what was needed. I stood, looking at the window. “Good.” The blue of the sea melted with the teal sky, waves crashing in the distance. “I’m so close to the end, Morgana. I can feel it.” My fingers twitched by my side. “With Vahaga gone, then the necromancer, that will only leave the spirit realm.” The weight of the last was crushing. “How am I supposed to tell all those people out there they’ve been lied to?”
She cast her eyes downward. “It wasn’t all untrue. You said there were ancestors who helped you take down Vahaga. The elders, and those in power who knew what was happening, are the corrupt ones, but not everyone else. Not the rest of the souls. We use spirit, the fifth element, and while the elders had us redirecting our magic into their created dimension, we can still use the blessed element when that realm is gone. It’ll just be different. Before the spirit realm was created, it is said many used spirit by harnessing the ashes and bones of their loved ones. It wasn’t the same as what we use now. We have immediate access to great power, and we know why, but all death leaves behind traces of energy and magic, and sorcerers used to harness it to protect their homes and create barriers to keep out creatures like the anumi.” She hurried to the bed, picked up one of the books, and licked her lips as she stared at it. “This is filled with the history of the earliest settlers of Magaelor. Read it. Learn from it. Use it to guide Magaelor toward a new understanding of magic.”
“I knew you’d have the answers.” Tears glossed my eyes, but I blinked them back. “You always do.” I took the book from her hands and hugged it to my chest. “I’ll read it each night.” I sat back down, blowing out a tense breath. Morgana had lightened the crushing weight on my shoulders, as always, but I still had one more thing to ask her, and I wasn’t sure how to broach the subject.
“Questions do best when not left to linger,” she said.
I pressed my lips into a hard line. “Do you think I’m a bad person?” I knew she’d tell me the truth, even if it hurt.
She quirked an arched eyebrow. “No.”
“But I feel no remorse for Vahaga or my father,” I said. I’d begun to wonder if after everything I’d gone through, all the pain had turned inward and blackened my soul. Even without the necromancer, I still felt so much anger and hurt.
“You did what you had to do. Besides, bad people don’t question if they’re bad.” She smiled softly. “There is a lot of gray area between heroes and villains, Winter. You fall somewhere in between, and it only makes you human.”
“I get so mad sometimes,” I replied. “To the point where I want to hurt people.”
She closed her eyes for a few seconds. “I know you want me to tell you there’s a magical reason for your rage, but there’s isn’t. It’s a trait you have that you need to work on. We all have darker parts of ourselves we want to hide from the world. Be glad you’re aware of yours. Most people aren’t.”
I swallowed thickly. I didn’t know what to say. It was what I needed to hear, but every now and then, I had a horrible feeling like I was one more heartbreak away from tipping over the edge into becoming dark. “So all the bad things I feel is normal?”
She tapped her finger against her lips. “Like I said before, you’re human. We may be sorcerers, but we are humans first, and people are messy. There have been many times where I’ve wanted to hurt someone.”
“Like when?”
“When Licia lied to me about his plan to use the necromancer. I connected with him and trusted him…” Her eyelids flickered. “For him to turn around and not help when I needed it. I told him I was being possessed and was close to losing control.” She went quiet for a moment. “He didn’t want to involve himself, he said, and I knew why. He wants to use the necromancer for his own gain.” She scoffed. “I considered sending a small curse his way, and just the thought helped me move through the hurt quickly. But I am much older than you and have experienced the sting of heartache many times.” She paced at my side but stopped to run her hand along my hair, like she did when I was a child. “You have been through so much for a girl your age, and you have overcome obstacles that would kill many. If you didn’t want to occasionally shoot a curse someone’s way or hurt someone, I really would believe something’s wrong. You’ve not given into those urges born from hurt, and one day, you’ll realize you have more control of those darker thoughts than you thought possible.”
I ran my fingers along the leather cover of the book sitting on my thighs. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. I wish you’d be my royal advisor, but I know you wouldn’t say yes.”
She shook her head, a smile lingering on her lips. “An advisor is too extroverted for me, but Adius, I am certain, is a perfect candidate. You can always come to me anyway if you need advising. I’ll always be here for you.”
“I know.” I stood and placed the book on the table. She wasn’t shy of affection completely, giving into moments where she’d give me the odd hug or stroke my hair when I needed it, but Morgana wasn’t the most outwardly doting person. However, I could tell she needed to be hugged as much as I did. I wrapped my arms around her, and she glanced up, then sighed, smiling. She pulled me tighter, and I could smell the hints of heather, lavender, and jasmine on her dress.
“You need to go to Blaise,” she said, realizing the time. “It’s going to be midday soon.”
