Page 12 of Melbourne
Chapter 3
Allen knew that his daughters lived around here, but he didn’t know how to find them.They’d been a pain in his ass since they’d been born, but now it was different.He’d had a change of heart about them doing anything for him.He wanted them to take care of him in his old age, and they were going to do it.At least he hoped so.He’d do anything to have them love him again.But it was a bit more than he thought he’d get from them, considering how he’d treated them as children.Convincing them that he was a changed man was going to be difficult for him and Belinda.
“Do you think we can make a few bucks by putting out a sign that says we’re hungry, we’d get anything?”He said that he wasn’t sure anymore about people.“I agree.They can be a bit mean to you when they think you ain’t got two nickels to rub together.”
They’d been looking in dumpsters for the last week, trying to get enough food to sustain them.It wasn’t working out.First of all, it made him sick to his belly to even think about eating what they considered trash, and secondly, he was just too old to be getting in and out of dumpsters.It was a younger person’s world of being homeless.
“Do you suppose if we found them, they’d buy us a meal or two?”He told Belinda that he doubted they’d hand over a free newspaper to them if they had one.“Yeah, I think you might be right on that.We weren’t the best parents in the world.Though I think we were better than most.”
“I’d say that’s not true either.We were terrible people and worse to our children.Instead of treating them like the treasures that they are, we treated them less than some people do their own dogs.In fact, I think that dogs have a better life than we treated the girls.”She didn’t say anything, which he wasn’t surprised.There were times when Belinda would lash out at him, and he expected no less of her today.However, she surprised him again by not saying anything.
They’d been terrible, is what they’d been.Starving them when they had food enough for all four of them.They’d even stuff themselves instead of sharing with their little girls.And locking them in the closet when they just couldn’t stand their whining anymore.They had a good reason to whine, but it still didn’t make them very tolerant of their needs.
“To be honest with you, Belinda, I’m doubting that they’d want a thing to do with us, and I can’t say that I’d blame them.Not only were we terrible parents, we were just plain terrible people to everyone.”He thought of the things that he’d said to his daughters when they were little.Hell, it didn’t stop there; he’d said things to them that no parents should when they were teenagers, too.It hurt his heart every time he thought of the words that had come out of his mouth.“I’m not looking for them very hard, to be honest.I’m fearful of what they might say to me when we do catch up with them.And we’ll deserve every word that comes out of their mouths, too.Especially Justine.She was the oldest, and we treated her poorly even before her sister was born.It wasn’t their fault that they were born to us.We should have taken better care of them since they were ours.”
“Then how do we tell them that?”He said that he didn’t know, but had worked on it in his head.“They’re not going to have a thing to do with us, and we both know it.We could be living the good life with them had we been nicer parents.But we weren’t.I’m guessing that someday we’re going to be found by a dumpster, dead, and no one will care.We just need to get with them for a few minutes.If they’d just let us talk to them and tell them how we feel now.”
“It’ll take a lifetime of apologies to get them to understand that we’ve changed.”Belinda said she would be willing to try if they could find them.“As I said, I’m not looking all that hard for them, so I don’t know what they’ll say.”
They continued to walk around the town.Allen was of the opinion that even if one of his girls were to walk right up to him and say ‘hi,’ he’d not know who they were.Almost nine years of beingout of their life was a long time, and he knew that he was different looking, too.
“We’re both older than we were when we went into the prison system.And we both know how hard that kind of life can be when you’re locked up.Do you think that you’d know me when we were getting out if not for us talking when we could?Not neither one of them visited us, not that I blame them.”Belinda said that she didn’t blame them for that.They’d been mean.“We was mean and terrible people.”
It took them nearly all day to find a place to hold up tonight.It was an old abandoned building along Main Street that had been falling into disrepair since before they went to prison.Now it was barely what they’d call a house; it was mostly in need of repair of the roof and walls now.But at least it had water that they could bathe in.That was a major plus for them.
They never took a bath if they didn’t have to before prison.It wasn’t until they couldn’t stand themselves that they’d take a spit bath, a bath that only required the least amount of water and a rag to clean their most nastiest of places on them.Even then, they’d still smell, but not nearly as bad as before.The summers were the worst for them.Or other people around them, he supposed.
There were other habits that they used to do that they didn’t anymore.And because they no longer drank pop or ate out all that much—not that they could afford that anymore—they had trimmed down quite a bit and were healthier for it.Walking around the town didn’t bother them as much as it had before.And they didn’t get winded anymore either.That was another reason that he wanted to get with his daughters so that they could eat better meals rather than getting their meals from the dumpsters.Just as he was getting ready to go into the building that they’d found, he saw his baby girl.
There was no mistaking her for anyone else.She still had her long hair that was plaited down the back in a neat braid.Her clothing was clean and neat-looking.But it was her eyes that made him know it was her.No one had those green eyes like she did, like shiny gems that she polished up every day before meeting the world.He continued to watch her as she made her way into the restaurant’s front door.Unlocking and locking it back when she entered.
“Did you see something?”He told Belinda that he’d seen Sammy.“You should have told me.I would have loved to have seen her, too.”
“She looks beautiful.And she must be the manager of that store we like to go dumpster diving in.They have really nice food that comes out of there.”Allen pointed to the place he’d seen her go in.“I’m wondering if we should wait for her to come out some night and try to talk to her.Can’t hurt to try, can it?”
“If she don’t pepper spray us first or pull out a gun.”There was that, and he thought about what she’d been doing when she went into the place.“She might well talk to us, but she’d not trust us.Neither one of them should for all we did to them.I’m just sad we didn’t change our ways before we went to prison, and we might have been able to talk to them some.”
Belinda was right, as usual, about prison.They’d barely made it to their time getting out; they’d both been so depressed.If not for the prison helping them, they might not have come out in anything but a body bag; things were that difficult for them on the inside.Allen found himself watching the restaurant most of the night to see when she came out.
“Look, there she is.”They both watched as she came out of the building and into an awaiting car.“I’m betting that they’re headed to the bank to deposit the money.And that big fellow is her protection.Maybe we can get with him or something to talk.He might be able to get her to sit down with us for a little bit.”
It wasn’t going to happen.They didn’t know who the man was; he’d never gotten out of the car, and it was too dark to see what color the vehicle was, too.Not to mention, they didn’t know what sort of person he was, or even if he had any kind of relationship with Sammy that would want her to come and see them.It was all just too sad, he thought.It wasn’t their fault, but he wished that he could get up the nerve to go and see her.Soon, the car came back, and she was dropped off by one of the cars in the lot.That was something that he could work with, he told himself.When she drove off, he made his way to his makeshift bed and laid down.
It was nice to have a roof over their head, even if it had more holes in it than his shirt did.Now, if he could only get in touch with his daughter, he could work things out with her and maybe have a meal or two with her.He promised himself that he didn’t want much, just time to tell her how sorry he was.
Allen couldn’t sleep.Thinking about how he’d been less than a block from one of his daughters made him anxious.He was fearful of what she might never want a thing to do with him, and that bothered him more than anything.He wasn’t thinking she was going to just help them out, no, he knew better than to even think of that, but he did want— He rolled to his side to think about what he did want.
A place to stay would be nice, but he knew in his heart that they didn’t deserve that.Maybe they did deserve it; they’d done their time, but perhaps it was too much to ask of her.Especially for all the times they’d hurt them and been cruel to them both.He did wonder what Justine was up to, and since he’d found out that Sammy was close, Justine would be as well.At least that’s what he was hoping for.To be able to see both his girls would be a thrill for him.Just to see that they’d made a good life for themselves would be more than he could hope for.
“You’re talking in your sleep again.”He told Belinda that he wasn’t asleep but mumbling about the hardness of the floor.“Well, maybe someone is throwing out an old mattress or one of them blow-up kinds, and we can get it out of the trash.That’d be nice, don’t you think?”
He didn’t want to sleep on anyone’s tossed-out mattress, he started to tell her, but changed his mind.She was more than likely asleep already anyway.He thought about all the things that he thought that he’d like, and he kept coming back to his daughters and how they were doing right now.
Allen wanted a job where he could feel like a person again.He’d had one in prison, but it didn’t pay all that much.However, it did give him a sense of being a man, something that he’d realized that he’d never felt until then.Their mode of having money back when they’d been raising the girls was when they could sucker some guy out of his wallet and take the cash.It was the way they did everything back then, take-take-take.
Wondering why he didn’t tell Belinda what he’d been thinking gave him pause.There were times when he thought that she enjoyed being without anything to hold them down.That’s what she’d said too, too many things would hold a person down, and he didn’t believe that.He thought that while having a lot of useless things was terrible, not having anything to their name was worse.
He decided that he wanted a roof over his head that didn’t leak and a soft bed.And some time with his daughters.He didn’t think that was too much to want in this life.He figured that if he had money from a job, he could have food in his belly if he was smart enough to hold onto it.And Allen thought that he’d been so long without that he’d know the best way to hang onto a few dollars for some food.That was all he wanted.He didn’t care about a television, lots of clothing, or even a nice chair that he could rest his bottom in.Just those three things would go a long way in making him feel like a man who had something to look forward to.
