Page 16 of Melbourne
It was coming on dark when he returned home.She’d eaten the sub and thought that it was delicious.She’d not tell him, of course, nor would she thank Sammy for it when it was her turn to have lunch with her.And she most certainly wouldn’t be bringing back a sub for Allen.She wanted to dine in a restaurant, like the one across the street from where they were squatting.
Looking out the window that looked right into the parking lot, she wondered what sort of food they’d have in such a place.People were usually dressed up when they went inside the place, and she noticed that a great many people brought some of the food out with them in bags.She’d never do that.If she couldn’t eat it all at one sitting, then she’d leave it to prove that she had money to burn.Maybe she’d have Sammy or Justine take her there when it was her turn.They were probably taking turns with feeding them because it was costing so much for one.But then she remembered that he’d broughther food too and wondered again why she’d not been invited when her father had been there.Belinda wondered if he even thought of her when he was eating with their daughter.
“Justine.I need to find her.”Why she thought that Justine would be any different than Sammy was about taking them out to lunch, but she remembered that when she was younger, she would be the one who cracked first.She’d be sobbing even before they hit her, and she never understood that when they were little.She also had the most fun with Justine when she’d been trying to protect her sister.That only happened once or twice before Sammy would protect Justine.And she was meaner than her older sister, too, by a great deal.
“What are you going on about?And why do you smell like candy?”She told him that she’d swiped a candy bar at the store, and he acted like she’d robbed the place of all its cash.“It will get you put back in prison, Belinda.What will you do then?I’m not going to be hanging around you anymore if you think that stealing is the way to go.Good lord, are you trying not to get with our daughters anymore?One screw up and they’ll toss us aside like yesterday’s old newspaper.Don’t do that again, all right?”
“I was hungry for something that didn’t come out of a dumpster if you want to know the truth.And it was only about fifty cents.No one is going to take me back to prison for one half a dollar of a candy bar.They have better things to do, I would imagine.”He said that once he had a paycheck, then he’d buy her candy bars.“To be honest with you, Allen dear, it sort of made me sick.”
She needed him not to understand that she wasn’t as good as he was.He might be driving her crazy with his rules about getting caught and seeing their daughter, but they were rules that were going to get them what they needed.Some money and a home.Surely their daughters would want to see them with the finer things of life after all this time?
“I talked to that man about a job.He’s going to have me start in the morning.I’ll be gone from eight until five or so.So you’ll need to get your own lunches and dinner for a while.Just until I get us a check and we can use the money to get us some food from a real place.”She asked him if she could come with him as she’d be bored all day.“No, you can’t come with me.Do you want me to lose the first chance we’ve had since getting out of prison?You can find something to do around the town.Go to the library and read a book.I know they won’t let you check one out without a form of identification, but you can sit in there and read a book or a magazine if you behave.”
Belinda wanted to snarl at him that behaving wasn’t getting her anywhere, but eating out of dumpsters, but she was trying to be on her best behavior right now.And she might not be able to have lunch with Sammy and Justine if she were to be bad.She was tired of the rules that got her nothing but a headache.Biting her tongue, she watched as he rinsed out his clothing for tomorrow and then took a freezing shower.Christ, but this was getting harder each day to be like Allen so she could have her time with the girls.And she was going to have it by god if it was the last thing she did in this life.
Lying down on the hard floor when Allen did it took her forever to get comfortable enough to try and sleep.Once she rolled to her back, she was glad that the weather had turned hot so that she could sleep without a blanket.She wanted a pillow and was tempted to get up and get Allen’s shirt to use, but it would be too much effort.Besides, he really needed to work so that they could start having things that they needed.Money was the first thing that popped into her head, and she couldn’t wait to see what sort of things she could do with a bit of cash now and again.
She just hoped that she could convince her daughters that she was as good as gold so that they’d set her up in a house.She didn’t care if Allen wanted to live with her, too; she just wanted a place to live so that she could have something of her own around her.Even if she had to steal them to get them, as she kept telling herself, no one was going to bother with an old woman who stole things that she needed.They might even have a pity party for her and one of those GoFundMe things where someone put a sad story online and then they gave them money.She could use one of those things about now.
Chapter 5
Melbourne had made up a job for Allen just so he could keep an eye on him during the day.If he could have had him working later in the evening, he would have done that too, but right now, he was working out better than he thought that he would.
The job was simple enough.He was to walk up and down each street and tell him if the house was empty or not.Then, if it was, had anyone put a sign in the yard to tell if there was a realtor involved.He did need the information, but he could have done it himself.This way, Allen wasn’t stuck in the house all day with Belinda, and he thought that the man was enjoying himself.
Yesterday, Sammy had gotten him a cell phone, and he thought that the man was going to cry; he’d been so happy about it.After showing him how to program the numbers in of himself and Sammy, he put it in his pocket but kept checking to make sure it was there.When he went into prison, cell phones hadn’t been as big a deal as they were now, and he wondered if he’d ever had one.Thinking that he’d not, he decided to make sure that he knew how to answer it, too, if someone called him.
Today, Sammy was bringing by her sister to talk to their father, and he was worried about how that would go.Justine was just too stressed for her to find any enjoyment in meeting up with her father, and he worried about her health.But Sammy knew her sister better than he did, so he tried his best not to be involved in what she had going on.At a quarter to noon, both women showed up, and he was glad that he’d had Allen pick up lunch on his way into the office today.It would be a good meeting, he hoped, and he’d be there if things got out of hand.
He met the other man at the door when he saw him walking toward the building.He warned him that both his daughters were there, and he stood stiff as a board without saying a word to him.The look on his face was very telling.
“It’s all right, Allen.We’re all going to have lunch together and have some fun.”He just stared at him.“I’ll be right here if anything goes wrong.”
“Don’t kill me if it doesn’t.I want to talk to them both, so if you could not kill me when something happens, I’d appreciate that.”Melbourne said that he wasn’t going to kill him over a stressful meeting.“I hope not.I’m about as stressed out as I’ve ever been in my life.Just…I don’t know, will you help me get through this?”
“I promise that I will.Just be yourself and you’ll be fine.”He was beginning to really like the other man and was glad that he was working for him.Now, if he could get Belinda a job too, then he thought that they’d be well on their way to making something of their life.He was still working on what she could do today.Allen said she’d take just about anything that he offered her, but he wasn’t so sure.He’d caught some glimpses of the real Belinda just this morning when he’d seen her out and about alone.The four of them sat at the conference table just outside his office, and he began handing out the food.“I hope you don’t mind, but I got French fries as well.They were having a special on combos, so I got us all one.”
“I love French fries.Especially the shoestring style that they have there.”He could have kissed Sammy for her trying to make everyone relax.“I’ve been looking forward to this all day.Haven’t you, Justine?”
“I don’t know.”She glanced at her father, then away to her sister.“Are you sure he’s not going to hurt me?They always acted like they were nice until we were alone with them.Are you sure I’m going to be all right?”
“You’re going to be fine, I promise.”She looked at him, and he smiled.“Dad, why don’t you tell us about your job.Melbourne said that you’ve been doing a good job by finding the empty buildings that might need to come down.”
“I’ve been walking the streets with a little map and marking the houses that have been left abandoned.Like the one that we’re living in right now.It has running water, so it’s not so bad, but in the winter months, it’s going to be difficult to stay warm.I’m hoping that I can save up enough money to rent one of them.”Allen handed the ketchup to Justine, and she nearly jumped up when he accidentally touched her fingers.He looked at Melbourne.“She’s just nervous that I’m going to hurt her.I don’t blame her much; I’ve been a terrible father to them both.”
“You really were, and I don’t understand how you think I’m just going to be all right with you doing it again.”He told Justine that he’d never harm her at all.Never again.“I’ve heard about people saying that, but it’s been too long since you’ve been around.What made you change into someone nice?”
“That’s a fair question.I talked to a priest while I was in prison, and he told me that I couldn’t be a better man unless I lived in your shoes for a while.I didn’t know what he meant, and I didn’t take him all that seriously at first, but after a while, he wore me down into thinking and knowing that what I’d done to you two was the worst kind of thing to have done.”
“You really did.And I’m not going to just jump right back to where we were either.You were cruel and hateful to us both.It took me a long time to be able to be by myself without jumping out of my skin every time someone came too close to me.”He said he was sorry.“That doesn’t cut it.I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to do something more than just say that you’re sorry.You’re going to have to prove that you’ve become a changed man.”She stood up.“I’m sorry.I’m not ready for this right now.”Allen stood up as well and put up both his hands when she backed away from him.
“I just need a chance, Justine.A chance to prove to you both that I’m not the same person that I was before.And I’ll do whatever it takes to make you believe me.Just tell me what it is you want from me.”She said that she didn’t know.“I can understand that.I do.I’ll just keep trying until you’re ready to forgive.If not forgive me, then at least give me a second chance in this life.”
“I’ll try.”She sat back down and stared at her dad.“I don’t know what to do with all these feelings and emotions that you’ve brought up by being this close to me.I’ve been dealing with this since I was a child, and I can’t just turn it off.You’ve had a long time to forgive yourself, but I’ve not.”
“I’m going to do my best to make sure you feel safe around me.I’m going to tell you every day that I love you, too.And that I’ll beg for your forgiveness from now on.”She didn’t say anything, and Melbourne thought that was very telling for her.“I’m sorrier than I’ve ever been about what happened between us.You’ve no idea how angry I get at myself for not being a good father.Or at least one you could trust not to harm you when you’re around me.”
“I’ll work on it on my end as well.Just don’t expect me to be able to just jump right in and be the daughter I could have been.You were never nice to us.You were a terrible father.I can tell that you’re working on this, but I’m going to need time.”He told her to take as much time as she needed, and he’d be there for her.Melbourne could tell that she was trying to believe him, but it had been just too many years with him being the man that he’d been before prison.“I just need time.If you could give me that, I’ll work on trusting you not to hurt me.Not just physically but mentally too.”
