Page 70 of When the Marquess Was Mine
Georgiana swallowed hard, and cast the die. “I release you from our betrothal.”
For a moment she thought he would burst out in anger; his face grew dark and his eyes flashed. But then he mastered himself. His expression grew stony, and he gave a sharp, formal bow. “I see. If that is your desire, I withdraw my offer of marriage.” He turned on his heel and left the room.
Georgiana gasped, and then gasped again. Her stays seemed to be strangling her. She staggered to a nearby table and braced her hands, only beginning to comprehend what she’d just done.
She’d first declared her intention to marry Sterling when she was eight, after he mended her kite and helped her fly it. She’d repeated it every year after, when he sent her amusing little drawings while she was at school. She’d told Alistair, her governess, Mrs. Upton, her friends, virtually everyone she knew that she was going to marry him someday. And when he proposed to her, almost three years ago, she’d toldhim, joyfully, that she would marry him.
And now... she wouldn’t.
She lowered herself into a chair and laid her head on the table, welcoming the hard, cold marble against her forehead. Part of her mourned his loss, and part of her felt a tidal wave of relief. That ought to reassure her she’d done the right thing, but at the moment it was all too overwhelming.
“Georgiana?” The door creaked. “Lady Sidlow bade me find you...”
She sat up and swiped at her eyes, which were dry despite being burning hot. “Yes, I’m here.”
Joanna Hotchkiss came into the room. “I saw Lord Sterling leave.” As she drew closer she gasped. “Are you well? You look upset...”
“No.” Georgiana rose and smoothed down her skirts. She would have to tell Lady Sidlow, and Alistair, and everyone else, that she was no longer engaged. They would learn eventually; Sterling would tell people, even if she didn’t. He might well be out in the drawing room telling everyone at this moment.
Tonight, now, it was too raw for her to say aloud.
She mustered a smile for Joanna. “Yes, Sterling has gone. I needed a moment alone with my thoughts, and now I—I wish to go home. It’s too warm in there. Would you send someone to fetch Lady Sidlow, please?”
Joanna nodded. “Of course. I wish I could go home, too. Millicent Harlow is prosing on and on about her new fiancé. Another decent gentleman, taken.” She heaved a sigh that was only half in jest.
Georgiana wondered what everyone would say when they learned Sterling was free. She wondered if any of her friends would try to catch his eye. “Then go home. Do as will make you happiest.”
Joanna blinked in surprise. “Perhaps I shall.”
“So should we all,” Georgiana replied on a sigh, wondering what, in her case, that might possibly be.
Chapter 23
It rained for two days after the scene with Sterling, and Georgiana was glad for it.
Rain meant there was no chance of walking in the park, or going for a drive. It was a cold, heavy rain as well, and that ruled out a shopping trip or an evening out. Even Lady Sidlow was content to stay at home and write letters by the fire, which left Georgiana some space to contemplate the enormity of what she’d done.
She was not sorry. The first day she had felt so odd, and wondered if Sterling would come to call, to argue or plead with her or even to scold her, but he did not. When she unthinkingly said something about it, Lady Sidlow was astonished. “He was here a few days ago,” she said in surprise. “Were you expecting him to call again so soon?”
No one expected him. He came barely once a week, sometimes not for a fortnight or more. Georgiana was just now realizing how little attention her own fiancé had paid her, and how accepted that had become.
But she had to tell someone, so she wrote a long letter to Eliza. She wrote a slightly shorter one to Sophie, who would probably not be as surprised, and then a very, very short one to Alistair. Putting the words on paper was quite difficult; it reminded her of the years and years she had spent adoring Sterling and telling everyone how much she adored him.
But by the time she finished the brief note to her brother, she felt at once exhausted and peaceful. It had been comforting to explain everything, and despite the emotional toll it took, she had never started to doubt herself. When the three letters were sealed and ready to send, she went to tell Lady Sidlow.
The woman was struck speechless. “Why?” was all she could gasp.
“Partly for the reason you yourself told me the other day.” Georgiana was intensely glad she had written the letters first. She had shed a few tears over the first two, but in the third letter she had dried her emotions to dust. “I have great affection for Sterling, but not of the sort that a woman should have for her husband.”
“My goodness,” said Lady Sidlow faintly. “And over that, you broke it off with him?”
Georgiana frowned. “Is that not enough? Sterling deserves a wife who will adore him, and I would like a husband who is...” She stopped, unable to think of a phrase other thanpassionately in love with me.
“My goodness,” said Lady Sidlow again. She put down her cup of tea. “I hope—that is, I would be mortified if my words the other day caused you to have unreasonable expectations, my dear...”
“Unreasonable?” Georgiana exclaimed. “You said you thought Sterling took my affection for granted. You suggested he didn’t truly love me!”
“Yes, but I didn’t think you would take it to heart!” The chaperone’s face was pink. “You never take anything I say seriously, and I did warn you it was only my opinion—”
