Page 58 of When the Marquess Was Mine
Sophie put up one hand. “I’ve no idea. I only ever knew the man by repute.”
“But wasn’t he awful?” pressed Georgiana, as if it would make her feel better to think of Rob reverting to the Malicious Marquess.
“I never thought he was worse than any other wealthy gentleman.” Sophie tilted her head thoughtfully. “A bit rakish, but no scandalous love affairs. And quite good for a gambler, for I don’t recall him losing badly.”
“Would that he had,” Georgiana muttered. If Rob had lost to Charles instead of the other way ’round, none of this would have happened.
“Do you want him to be reprehensible?” asked Sophie.
Georgiana flushed. “I think he will be, that’s all.”
“Because you want to hate him again.”
“No—well...” Georgiana stared into her tea. She didn’t want to hate Rob. But neither did she want to miss him or wonder how he was, or yearn for a letter from him to arrive out of the blue. Nothing about Rob should matter to her now. “Of course I don’t want to hate him, I just... would prefer him to be unlikeable.”
“And why is that?”
Her friend’s gentle question was like a needle to the building pressure of guilt and longing and she didn’t even know what else. She cast an anguished glance at the door and lowered her voice. “Swear you will never tell anyone. Not even Eliza.”
Sophie’s eyes widened at this embargo on telling their mutual friend. “I swear.”
“Ilikedhim,” Georgiana said in misery. “As he was. As he woke. He thought I was his fiancée, and he was warm, and kind, and charming, and he flirted with me constantly, and he—he—he was not at all the way I thought he was. And then he kissed me, the night we parted, and asked me to go with him instead of to London. He—he all but proposed that I elope with him and desert Sterling, and, Sophie—I thought about it.” The last came out in a tearful whisper, although no one but the duchess could possibly hear.
Sophie leaned forward. “Why do you think you did?”
“I don’t know!”
“No?” Sophie cocked her head. “Not even a guess?”
This was not helping. Georgiana drew a deep breath. “I love Sterling.”
“I never said you didn’t.” Sophie’s gaze didn’t waver. “But you’ve been in love with him since you were a child. I heard your raptures about him at Mrs. Upton’s, year after year after year. Dear Sterling, who was so charming, so amusing, so daring and handsome and dazzling as well. But Georgiana...” She hesitated. “You were never much exposed to any other gentlemen, were you?”
Georgiana’s mouth dropped open in outrage. “I’ve met dozens of gentlemen since I came to London! Handsome, charming, witty ones!”
“But not many before Sterling, and by the time you met those other men you knew you were taken. You accepted Sterling’s proposal your first Season in London, so you never had cause to look twice at another man.”
“Nor desire!” she retorted, her heart beating wildly. It had been true, it had... but now she wasn’t sure.
Sophie lifted one shoulder. “I’m not calling you inconstant—quite the opposite! You’ve been so loyal to your childhood love that you’ve never once questioned it, or him. You loved him, and therefore he must be wonderful. You made Sterling perfect, in your mind.”
“I did not!” Georgiana practically threw her teacup back on the table. “You’re not being fair!”
“Nor were you, to Sterling,” said Sophie with a speaking look. “He is a flesh and blood man, with faults like any other. I can’t help but think that you finally had reason to look at another man, not merely as someone to while away a dance with, but as a suitor—even as a lover. And even if it was only a pretense, I’m not surprised it made you wonder.”
“Oh,” said Georgiana as the light dawned. “It was just the novelty of spending time with another gentleman, you mean?” That almost sounded exculpatory. It might have happened with any fellow, and wasn’t about Rob himself. Novelty would wear off, and she would settle back into her devotion to Sterling.
“Well,” said Sophie hesitantly, “not precisely. I meant... you never imagined marrying anyone but Sterling. Of course it would be novel to think of anyone else, but... it is rather telling that you fell so quickly into consideringelopingwith someone else.”
Georgiana shot to her feet, knocking into the tea table and giving the dishes a rattle. “I told him no!”
“Of course you did,” Sophie replied. “You’re too sensible to do otherwise. But Georgiana... in the space of a fortnight you found Westmorland appealing enough that youthoughtabout it. It’s been over two years since Sterling proposed, and there’s still no wedding date set. And you seemed to accept that without complaint.” Sophie bit her lip, looking up at her. “Do you think that’s a sign—?”
“No,” said Georgiana before Sophie could say it. “It’s a sign I went mad for a few days. I’m better now.”
Her friend fiddled with her teacup, then set it down and got to her feet. “You’re like a sister to me, you know. I will support you whatever you decide.”
“I’ve already decided! I decided years ago!”
