Page 163 of Tiger's Dream
Not knowing what to say about that, I asked a different question. “Why did you call me Kishan before? Of all the insulting things you said to me, I think that one was the worst. And while I’m on the subject, why were you shamelessly throwing yourself at the old me?”
She turned to look at me, a wry smile tickling the edges of her mouth, and sighed. “I only call you Kishan when you anger me. As for your other self, the old you sees only me. True, he is likely infatuated with the goddess, but he doesn’t know the vile things that lie in my past. He simply sees a woman he’s attracted to. You, on the other hand, know everything. It is…easier to say the things I wish to say to him.”
I twisted my mouth. “So…you’re saying you wanted to flirt with me?”
“What does flirt mean?”
“It means to seduce with words. To tease in a romantic way.”
“It is not a natural thing for me to speak with men in such a way. You are the exception. The old you, I mean.”
Grinning lopsidedly, I said, “I wouldn’t mind if you practiced your flirting on this version of me.” I held out my hand and she placed hers in it. Drawing her closer, I said, “I was jealous of him, you know.”
Cocking her head, she scoffed. “Jealous of yourself?”
“I didn’t like you showering him with attention.”
Cupping her chin, I was about to lower my head for a kiss when she touched her hands to my mouth to stop me. In that moment, she looked small, which was quite a feat for the statuesque goddess. “I am afraid, Sohan,” she murmured.
“Afraid of me?” I asked.
“Yes…no, not exactly. I know you do not mean to hurt me.”
“I won’t hurt you, Ana.” As I said it, I took in her swollen lips, bruised from my kisses, and the puffiness on one of her cheeks from our fight. Disgusted with myself, I moved away. “At least it wasn’t my intention.”Who am I kidding? I had already hurt her. Yesubai was dead because of me, and I’d abandoned Kelsey when she asked me to help her in Kishkindha. She could have died, many times over. “Maybe it’s for the best that we keep our relationship simple,” I said.
Her hand on my arm stopped me. “Our relationship will never be simple, Sohan. Nor do I want it to be. It is just that I…I need to come to terms with my past, and I do not wish to step wrongly where you are concerned. There is much to lose should we run headlong into battle.”
“And by battle I’m assuming you mean a romance?” I glanced at her over my shoulder.
She nodded.
“But it is something you want to pursue?”
“I do,” she answered quietly, stepping around me.
I took hold of a strand of her hair and twisted it between my fingers. “Okay,” I said. “Then what do you foresee that might cause us to lose this battle?”
“First, there is me. As you know I am more prone to cuff a man than kiss him. I was not always this way, but it is ingrained in me now. I fear it is a practice that will be difficult for me to overcome.”
I smiled and rubbed my jaw. “Yes, I’d say I’m intimately aware of that tendency. Fortunately, I heal quickly. I think we can work through that problem, providing you are at least somewhat interested in kissing.”
Her gaze lifted to my mouth. “Kissing you is something I’ve pondered often, Sohan. So often, in fact, it takes over my mind at the most inopportune moments.” My pulse leapt at her words. “Like flirting,” she went on, “it is a skill I want to hone. Perhaps, once I am well versed in it, kissing will no longer occupy my thoughts to such a degree.”
For a moment, I forgot to breathe. “Good,” I stammered and swallowed. My neck felt tight and the cold air around the temple suddenly became warm. “Is there anything else on your list of concerns?”
“There is also the fact that tigers do not mate for life,” she said plainly.
“But goddesses do?” I asked.
She nodded, biting her lip.
Much as my younger self did, I took her hand, lifting her fingers to my lips, and kissed them lightly. “Ana, as much as you like to remind me of my animal nature and as much as I relish that aspect of myself, I am also a man. I am not a slave to instinct. That I have resisted your charms as long as I have should be a sign of my fidelity. I was not unfaithful to Kelsey. Nor was I untrue to Yesubai. If we forge ahead in this new…alliance, I will remain steadfast. You would already know this about me if you shared my thoughts openly.”
Ana opened her mouth to explain herself again.
“Like I said,” I stopped her before she could say anything, “there is nothing you could possibly be hiding that would diminish my respect for you. If you’re worried about a physical relationship, then put your mind at ease.”
Reaching up to her face, I traced the shadow of her cheek with my thumb. “As much as I want you, and make no mistake, I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything, we have a long, long life ahead of us, Ana. And I am a very patient man. I’ve waited centuries to find the woman of my dreams. I can wait a little longer.”
