Page 42 of Tiger's Dream
“It does the same to women.”
“Well, I would never lower myself to such a display.”
“You might not mind it so much. It would have to be the right person, of course.”
My shoulders tensed for a moment as I considered what kind of a man would capture Ana’s interest. I’d have to make sure he was worthy of such a girl. She was entirely too trusting and naive to be allowed to make that sort of decision on her own. I racked my brain, trying to remember any stories of Durga that might have alluded to her taking a mate, but I wasn’t as much of a scholar as Kadam. Besides, I wasn’t entirely certain that Anamika the girl and the stories of Durga were the same. Ana was a very real flesh-and-blood girl. She was so unlike any of the stories I’d learned as a boy.
The very real flesh-and-blood girl interrupted my thoughts. “So this kissing is supposed to indicate their affection for one another?”
“That’s usually how it works,” I said with a mild laugh.
“I am not as certain as you are regarding such a thing.”
I could hear the hurt echoing in her voice. She trembled standing there. I was at a loss. This was affecting her much more than I thought it should. Despite my reservations, I decided to use my link to her to find out what was really wrong. Gently, I opened my mind to hers to show her my memories of Nilima, thinking that if she saw Nilima and understood her, she might learn to accept Sunil’s regard for the girl.
Instead of the peaceful comradery we typically shared, I was bombarded the moment I made the connection. The riot of Ana’s emotions nearly staggered me. I’d never known the goddess to be so out of control. On the edge. Her mind was stormy with dark, fearful thoughts and feelings. That she wasn’t hiding them from me was proof of how much seeing her brother had affected her.
I started with the easiest ones first, figuring I’d wade into the deep end later. On the surface, Ana hated her separation from Sunil. This much I already knew. She longed to know what he was doing or if he was even happy. More than anything, she wished to have her brother at her side. He comforted her in a way I never seemed able to. Getting close to her was problematic, not that I’d given it much of an effort. I winced when I realized how much she needed someone to confide in.
Gradually, she realized what I was doing and shut away her own thoughts, but she still dared to look into mine, seeking out Nilima. I showed her how brave and strong Nilima was. How she’d taken care of all of us and run a company virtually on her own. I showed her a time when Nilima lectured me on feeling sorry for myself and told me that if I didn’t get my tiger self up off the floor and head outside, she was going to string me up by the tail and beat me like a rug. I focused on the hours and hours Nilima had spent at my side, patiently teaching me about the modern world.
“It’s what she’s likely doing for Sunil now,” I said. “She’s a good teacher. Very unflappable with us out-of-place types.”
Ana’s beautiful face fell and she lowered her head, tears trickling down her cheeks. Her emotions spiked again and I stopped my play-by-play of Nilima memories. Almost without thinking, I took a step closer and touched the tips of my fingers to her tearstained face. Our connection was stronger when we touched.
I tried to access her mind again. To understand what she was going through. There was a darkness in her thoughts, a hollowed-out place. Cocking my head, I pushed, then blinked dazedly when Ana pressed her hand on top of mine.
“Don’t,” she said, looking straight into my eyes. “It’s too far.”
Her dark lashes were wet with tears. “What are you hiding?” I asked.
“It is personal, Kishan. Do not ask me to show you those memories.”
“Does it have to do with that man? The one you tried to face? What did he do, Ana?”
I could guess, but I hoped against hope that I was wrong. Then I paused and considered. It was clear to me that whatever sadness she was hiding had been triggered by what she’d seen between Sunil and Nilima. I wanted answers. I wanted to help. But I also wanted her to trust me. When I’d needed space, drawn a line, she’d backed off. Offering her the same courtesy was the least I could do. “Very well,” I said. “But tell me this. Do you not want Sunil to find happiness?”
She sighed and stepped away from me. Ana turned her back, severing our mental connection and closing herself off. “Of course I want him to be happy,” she said softly.
Stars burned icily overhead, piercing the velvet night and touching Ana’s bare shoulders where my coat had slipped down. It hung bunched around her arms. She shivered delicately and I lifted the coat over her shoulders again, securing it for her. Anamika pulled the edges together and sat down on the edge of the splashing fountain, heedless that the water left wet spots on her silk dress. The insects who chirped in her garden sounded melancholy, almost as if they echoed the mood of their goddess.
“Why were you there?” she questioned. “You asked if I wanted Sunil to be happy. I would ask the same of you regarding Kelsey and Ren.”
I didn’t answer at first and instead sat at her feet. Touching the hem of her dress, I felt the magic of the Divine Scarf humming along my fingers. “Please change me back to my normal clothing and appearance,” I said.
When the whispering of threads stopped, I stretched my back, twisted my neck from side to side, and ran a hand through my hair. It was nice to feel like myself again.
She pressed, “Did you wish to harm yourself by seeing them? If you were of a mind to cause yourself pain, I have many weapons at my disposal.”
I glanced up at her quickly and caught a small smile. She was teasing me, but at the same time, she was offering me something I needed. I wondered if it was our connection that gave her the idea or if she was simply intuitive. Grunting, I said, “Perhaps training together might be a good distraction. We’ll begin tomorrow if you are agreeable.” Drilling with her would serve as a way to get some of my restless energy out. I hadn’t sparred with anyone since Kelsey, and despite her abilities, Kelsey had been more of a novice level. Too far behind me to offer any sort of challenge.
The difficulty with Kelsey lay with keeping my mind and my hands focused on the task and not on kissing her or pulling her close. There were no surprises when it came to Kells because I’d taught her everything she knew. I found I was curious to test out Ana’s strengths and weaknesses and, in fact, looked forward to matching our abilities.
Ana nodded. “I would appreciate your aid in keeping my fighting skills sharp. But you are avoiding my question.”
Instead, I asked her one of my own. “Did you ever love him? Ren, I mean?”
“I know very little of love,” she said. “I was comfortable with Ren. He was…courtly with me.”
