Page 107 of Tiger's Dream
As I walked back to our home, I pondered our reunion. I felt excited and yet hesitant to see her at the same time. In fact, I hadn’t been so nervous since my first date with Kelsey. It wasn’t like Ana and I were going on a date, but what we’d been through together had changed me or changed us or changed our relationship.Hadn’t it?
It felt like it had.
Opening a new door at the base of our mountain, in roughly the same place the old one had been, I keyed it to my handprint, making a mental note to add Ana’s later. Stepping inside, I carefully closed it behind me. My tiger eyesight kicked in, and without a lamp, I ascended the long sets of stairs leading up to our shared home. Running a hand through my too long hair and feeling the bristly whiskers on my cheek, I thought maybe I should stop by my room first and make myself presentable.
I told myself that it was just a sign of respect to clean myself up before I saw her. I wasn’t procrastinating. At least, I told myself I wasn’t. After a quick bath, I tore through the few boxes and containers on the table in my otherwise stark room, looking for a pair of shears. When my hair was shorter and as well styled as I could make it without the benefit of the products Kelsey’s time afforded, I stared at myself in the mirror.
Though I was now clean-shaven and back to my old immortalish self, my eyes looked old. I’d lost some weight in the past few months, not having the appetite of a tiger while I was stuck in Ana’s adolescent years, but my chest and arms were still strong and thick with muscle. I traced some familiar battle scars on my torso. Long ago they’d faded and been worn smooth. They were remnants of my time as a mortal.
Since then, I’d never added to them; the healing power of the tiger had always repaired any damage I suffered. But now there were a few new marks. Scars that spoke of my time in the past. Wounds made while saving Ana. As I touched one on the back of my hand, I considered the imperfection worth it. No matter what happened in the future, I knew it would always serve as a reminder of my vow to remain at her side and serve her.
Even as I dressed in a loose-fitting tunic and a pair of trousers, I could feel her pull. She was aware of my return and content to wait, but her call was something I couldn’t ignore. Anamika was a like a magnet, and the closer we were to one another the stronger the urge was to be near her. The connection between us had always felt like a shackle but now it had changed. Now it felt like a promise.
Following the pull, I headed toward the throne room but was surprised to find that she wasn’t there. I considered checking her bedroom, but when I closed my eyes, I knew exactly where she was and headed to her garden instead. When my feet touched the grass, I was tempted to change into tiger form. We’d always gotten along better when I was a tiger. But that was the coward’s route. The least I could do was give her the chance to berate me for my failure, person to person.
Truthfully, I’d failed her in more ways than one. The shard of truth stone hanging around my neck warmed, and I knew it was confirming my thoughts. My steps wavered when I saw her. She was clipping her roses, her long hair brushing her waist. The back of my throat burned as my greeting died on my tongue. I knew I’d left the young version of her in the past, and yet I still saw her in Ana’s familiar gestures.
I found myself unable to move.Did she blame me?How could she not? My fortitude became weak, my muscles watery. Heartache stole through me, thick and viscous.How could I have allowed that evil man to touch her?How could I have walked away from the girl begging me to teach her to fight? The memories of what I’d done and the choices I’d made ran through my mind again as they did far too often.How could she ever forgive me?
The delight I felt upon seeing her curled up like a fragile seedling burning in a fire. It turned into a tight black ball and planted itself in my gut. Layers of self-recrimination coated it until it weighed me down like a stone. There was nothing I could say, nothing I could do to take away the awful thing that had happened to her. She was the victim of something terrible. Something no person should ever have to suffer.
What could I say? No words, no matter how carefully I thought them through, would ever be enough to apologize. Would ever be enough to fix it. It was like putting a poultice on an eviscerated man—a fruitless and foolhardy endeavor.
Anamika turned her head slightly so I saw her face in profile, but she kept her attention on her flowers. “Well?” she asked tartly, giving a long vine a sharp snip. “It certainly took you long enough to grace me with your presence. Are you just going to stand there shuffling your feet or are you going to greet me properly?”
I tried to answer her, but the only result was a trilling, “I…” and then the ineffectual opening and closing of my mouth like a fish pulled out of the water, a far cry from the refined greeting I’d originally planned. Since speaking wasn’t working for me, instead, I dropped to one knee, bowing my head low. “I am your servant, my lady,” I finally managed to spit out.
Anamika glanced over at me and frowned, her brows puckering. She pursed her lips and strode over to me. After putting her clippers in a leather belt strapped around her waist, she placed her hands on her hips and considered me. My head dropped again and I felt a familiar sting in the back of my eyes.
The grass beneath my feet blurred and then her hand touched my head. She crouched down near me and slid her hand to my neck. I felt her mental inquiry and willingly opened my thoughts to her. I showed her the absolute mess I’d made of things. All the guilt and shame that ate at my insides was exposed for her to see. As she studied my thoughts, I winced, knowing she’d think less of me and knowing I deserved it.
“I’m so, so sorry, Ana.” I didn’t even know I’d said it out loud until I felt the vibration of the words deep in my throat.
In reply, Anamika wrapped her arms around me. Mine snaked around her waist, and I pulled her tightly to my chest, resting my head against her delicate neck. “Shh,” she murmured softly, her hands trailing slowly through my hair. “I’m here, Sohan,” she added, her voice, velvety and warm, soothing me though I knew I wasn’t worthy of it. As she touched me, light filled the edges of my mind.
I knew the light was coming from her. What I saw was Anamika’s soul revealed by the truth stone. It was bright and lovely, and as she gazed down upon me like the goddess she was, the darkness and guilt inside me shrank and burned away. I basked in the layers of heat and the raw power of the goddess. Slowly, my awareness receded and I slept.
When I woke in my bed, my mind felt calm and still, like a land blanketed by snow. The world around me was soft and new and clean. I put my hands beneath my head and considered what had happened. Ana had given me a gift. Something rare and precious. Her forgiveness and understanding had buried my burdens in a soft marshmallow layer.
I still had the memories. I still knew what lay deep in my soul, but she’d offered me the type of mercy only a goddess could give. She’d absolved me of my guilt and demanded that in return I should learn to forgive myself.
That part would take time.
There was no denying now that Anamika was special. She was a special young girl and she was a special woman. It had taken me a long time to recognize it, but now I had, and I would spend the rest of my life, however long that might be, treating her in a manner that showed my respect.
Throwing back my blanket, I rose, dressed, and headed to the throne room. When I entered, I found her greeting a variety of visitors. The Damon Amulet now hung about her neck. Reaching up to my own, I wondered when she’d taken it. Then I frowned, wondering how she’d gotten me to my room. As a goddess, she was strong, but I’d never seen her lift anything as heavy as me before.
Deciding it was better for me not to think about it, I bowed deeply just as she dismissed a visitor and gave instructions to her guard that no more petitioners would be seen that day. She held out her hand to me and smiled. “Did you sleep well?” she asked.
I squeezed her fingers lightly and answered, “I did, thanks to you.” Glancing around and seeing dozens of gifts scattered around the room, and realizing she’d probably already been working for hours, I added, “You should have woken me. You’ve been busy.”
“Yes. We were gone a long time. There is much work to be done.”
“I’m ready to start when you are,” I said genially.
“There will be time for that later,” she said. “Come, sit by me.”
Rising from her throne, she sat down on the marble steps and held up her hand. I took it and sat beside her. Our shoulders were pressed together, and neither of us felt the need to shift away as we once would have. Ana didn’t withdraw her hand either, so I kept it in mine.
