Page 108 of Tiger's Quest
“He does.” I looked up at Kishan. “I’d like to name him after your grandfather, Tarak, if you don’t mind.”
Kishan’s golden eyes sparkled. “I think he’d like to have a namesake.”
When I told Faunus that I wanted to name the baby Tarak, the Silvanae cheered. Tarak yawned sleepily, unimpressed with his new moniker, and started sucking his thumb.
Kishan put his arm around my shoulders and whispered, “You’ll be a good mother, Kelsey.”
“Right now, I’m more of an auntie. Here. Your turn.”
Kishan settled the small creature in the crook of his arm and spoke quietly to it in his native language. I went off to change my clothes and braid my hair. When I came back, he was rocking the sleeping baby in his arms and staring thoughtfully at its little face.
“Ready to go?”
He looked up at me with a tender expression. “Sure. Just let me change too.”
He handed off the baby to his family. Before he left, he brushed a finger across my cheek and smiled at me. His touch was hesitant and sweet. When he came back, we said our good-byes and picked up our pack, which now held my gossamer dress, several honey cakes, and a flagon of flower nectar, and started walking east.
Kishan seemed to know where he was going, so he led the way. I often caught him watching me, staring at me with a strange sort of smile on his face. After an hour or so of walking, I asked, “What’s wrong with you today? You’re acting differently.”
“Am I?”
“Yes. Care to share?”
He hesitated for a long moment, and then sighed. “One of my dreams was about you. You were propped up in bed, tired, but happy and beautiful. You held a dark-haired newborn baby boy in your arms. You called him Anik. He was your son.”
“Oh.”That explains why he was acting differently toward me.“Was there . . . anyone else there with me?”
“There was, but I couldn’t see who.”
“I see.”
“He looked likeus, Kelsey. I mean . . . he’s either Ren’s or . . . he’smine.”
What? Is he saying what I think he’s saying?I conjured in my mind a sweet baby boy with Ren’s vivid blue eyes; in a flash, the eyes changed color and became as golden as an Arizona desert. I bit my lip nervously.This isn’t good. Is it possible that Ren won’t survive? That somehow I’ll end up with Kishan?I knew that Kishan had feelings for me, but I couldn’t fathom any future in which I’d choose him over Ren. Maybe I wouldn’t have the option.I have to know!
“And did you uh . . . see the baby’s eyes?”
He paused and looked intently at my face before saying, “No. His eyes were closed. He was sleeping.”
“Oh.” I started walking ahead again.
He stopped me and touched my arm. “You once asked me if I wanted a home and a family. I didn’t think that I’d ever want one without Yesubai, but seeing you like that in my dream, with that little baby . . . yeah. I want it. I want him. I want . . .you. I saw him, and I felt . . . possessive and proud. I want the life that I saw in my dream more than just a little, Kells. I thought you should know that.”
I mutely nodded and fidgeted while he watched me.
He asked, “Is there anything you dreamed about that you’d like to share with me?”
I shook my head and played with the hem of my fairy shirt. “No, not really.”
He grunted and walked ahead.
A baby? I’d always wanted to be a mom and have a family, but I’d never imagined that I’d have two men—brothers, nonetheless—vying for my attention.If Ren, for some reason, doesn’t survive . . . no. I’ll stop that line of thinking right now. He will survive! I’ll do everything I can to find Lokesh. If that puts me in danger, then so be it.
We walked all afternoon, stopping for breaks along the way. I was bothered by Kishan’s confession. I didn’t want to deal with this, didn’t want to hurt him. There were so many unresolved questions. Words formed in my mind, but I couldn’t seem to find the courage to broach the subject. This was bad!
My heart screamed that it wanted Ren, but my mind reminded me that we didn’t always get what we wanted. I wanted my parents back too, and that was impossible. My thoughts roiled like boiling water, but the ideas and thoughts burst into steamy nothingness when they reached the surface.
We didn’t talk much except to say, “Look out for that log,” or, “Watch out for the puddle.” Being with Kishan felt different now, awkward. He seemed to expect something from me, something more than I could give him.
