Page 156 of Tiger's Voyage
Ren smiled evilly. “You don’t even know what you have there. The cloth is cursed, you know. I’m actually glad you took it. The curse can only be transferred if another person willingly accepts it, and you played right into our hands.”
“You’re bluffing,” the dragon said with a laugh and looked at Kishan. Kishan shook his head as if in pity.
“I only wish he was, dragon,” Kishan added. “It’s a terrible curse too. It weakens a man to the point of death, but perhaps it won’t affect you in the same way.”
“What … what do you mean?” the dragon asked.
“It makes you fall in love. With her.” Ren tossed his head toward me while my face registered shock.
The automatically suspicious dragon narrowed his eyes and peered at me, as if trying to glean the truth from my expression.
“She’s already tried to work her wiles on you, hasn’t she?” Ren suggested.
The dragon stammered, “Well,no. Not …exactly.”
Kishan spoke up, “Did she make you feel guilty? Make you want to improve yourself? That’s part of what she does. Before you know it, you’ve lost yourself to her. You’re not the same dragon you used to be.”
“Now wait just a minute!” I threatened.
“See?” Ren interrupted. “She doesn’t want to be exposed. Believeme. If you keep that Scarf, you will soon be besotted with her. She’ll have you giving up whatever is most precious to you.”
“She wouldn’t.”
“That’s what she does,” Kishan said. “Oh, you won’t notice it at the time, and you’ll even thank her for it. She’ll make you think it’syouridea, and she’ll have you eating out of her hand in no time. Just wait. Can you feel it now? It’s already eating away at you, isn’t it? Festering in your gut?”
Ren elbowed Kishan. “She’s probably already got her hooks into him. See? He’s squirming under her gaze already. He’s been making bad agreements ever since he came back into the room. He shouldn’t have been left alone with her.”
Kishan replied, “Yes, you’re right. But it’s a classic mistake. Anyone could have made it, even a dragon.” He sighed. “Well, she’s drainedusof all of our resources, so I guess she’ll be happy enough to move on to her next victim.”
The dragon swallowed dryly and darted a glance at me, then laughed shakily. “You three had me … had me going for a minute there, but I don’t believe you. You’re fabricating this whole thing.”
“Are we?” Kishan leaned forward. “I can tell you right now, I’ve never loved someone as fiercely as I love her. I would do anything to protect her and keep her by my side. I’d want to killanyonewho took her from me.”
I snorted at his obvious jibe at Ren.Subtle Kishan. Real subtle.
Kishan paused to study my expression but only briefly. “However, I would stay my handifI felt assured thatyouwere the one she really wanted.”
Thatwiped the smile off my face.Did he mean that?I knotted my fingers and twisted them, tense and edgy after Kishan’s declaration. I knew that he loved me, but I guess I’d never considered that he was as intense about it as Ren was.Could I callously brush him aside the way Renwants me to? No. I can’t hurt him like that. He is good to me, a good man,and Idolove him.
Phet said they were both pillows in a world of rocks.I could find aplace to rest my head either way.Kishan turned to me and winked. I half smiled back and bit my lower lip.Of course there was another possibility.Perhaps Kishan exaggerated his feelings for the dragon’s sake.But his golden eyes met mine, and I knew he hadn’t been exaggerating. He really loved me that much, and he really would let me go.
The dragon began to sweat, recognizing the truth of Kishan’s words.
Ren had been sitting forward, rubbing his hands together in slow revolutions as he listened to Kishan talk. He glanced at his brother briefly, and then sat back and turned his head to look in my eyes. He smiled and spoke quietly. So soft was his voice that he seemed to be speaking only to me. Everyone leaned forward to hear him, myself included.
“I don’t think I could be so generous. You see, I’ve loved her since the moment I laid eyes on her. I’ve been tortured to the point of death in her name. I would journey across the world to see her smile, to make her happy. When she becomes yours, dragon, and binds the threads of her Scarf around your heart, I will probably wither and die, for I am as wrapped up in her as a vine that clings to a tree seeking sustenance. She’s tied me to her for eternity. She’s my home. She’s my reason for being. To win and hold her heart is myonlypurpose.”
My breath caught as his words faded. The room became as still and as sacred as a church. It was as if he’d just taken a vow. He couldn’t tear his eyes away, and I couldn’t either. I didn’t even question Ren’s sincerity. I absolutely knew he meant every word he said. If there was anything he left out, it was that the object of his devotion wasn’t worthy of him … that holding something as precious as his heart had almost destroyed her … that she was afraid that if he left her again she wouldn’t survive.
As I sat there looking into Ren’s eyes, I had an epiphany. The green dragon had forced me to open my heart to Ren again, to admit the depth of my feelings, and in that moment, I suddenly realized that I was the most selfish person on Earth. I was a coward. A chicken. I was implementing my modus operandi again, my fallback for emotional trauma. Keeping Kishan near me meant I didn’t have to risk anything. He was my shield.
He protected me from the relationship roller coaster ride that was Ren. I loved Kishan, and I believed I could be happy with him, but I also had to acknowledge that it wasn’t exactly the same. Ren’s love was an all-consuming fire, but Kishan was more like … a space heater. Comfortable, steady, reliable. Both kept me warm, but one could burn me. Singe me to ashes. If Kishan left me, I would cry, I would hurt, but I would move on, sadder but wiser.
Loving Ren was like loving an atom bomb. When he went off, and it was just a matter of time before he did again, he would destroy everything around in a ten-mile radius. Of course,Ialways managed to be standing in the middle of the bull’s-eye. Shrapnel had mangled my heart. Twice. Kishantriedto pick up the pieces and hold them together by sheer will, but there were gaps. Pieces were missing.
Oh, my heart tried to fool me. It beat thickly, warmed by Ren’s words, by his promises, but it wouldn’t matter in the end. Something or someone would take Ren from me, or he’d once again sacrifice himself nobly, and I’d be stuck in the same place I was now, only Kishan would have given up on me by then. I’d be totally, desperately alone. Just like with Li before, I had to choose. I had to pick between the consuming love of Ren that I was so desperate for I sometimes forgot to breathe, and the steady glow, the endless kindness and comfort that Kishan offered me.
After a long moment of thick silence, Ren sucked in a lungful of air. His chest heaved as if he’d forgotten how to breathe. I responded in the same way, and the room came slowly back into focus. I shoved my thoughts to the side and tried to focus my attention on the task at hand while Ren turned his attention back to Jnsèlóng.
