Page 162 of Tiger's Voyage
Impatiently, Ren leaned back against the doorjamb. “What are you trying to say, Kells?”
I turned to him, but lowered my gaze, afraid to meet his intense expression. “I’m trying to say that I knew then that we belonged together, and I choseyou.”
“Yes, I remember,” he agreed softly.
“But you promised that if Ihadpicked Li, you would always be there for me. You would always be my friend. Is that true? Even if I’d chosen someone else?”
“You know it is.” He took a step closer and picked up my hand. “I would never abandon you.”
I took a deep breath. “That’s good because I don’t think I’d like life much without you in it. You know that I’ll always be your friend too, don’t you? That I wouldn’t desert you?”
Puzzled, Ren tilted his head back to study my face. He paused before answering hesitantly, “Yes. I know that you’re my friend.”
“And the most important thing is that we’re a family, right?”
“Yes.”
“Alright. Then I’m going to tell you something, and I need you to understand I’ve given it a lot of thought. I want you to open your mind and listen.”
Ren folded his arms across his chest. “Alright. I’m listening.”
“First, I need to clarify something. When you and Kishan were declaring your feelings to Jnsèlóng, did you mean everything you said?”
“Yes. I meant every word.”
I blew out a breath. “That’s what I was afraid of,” I muttered.
“Why do you say that?”
“Okay, here goes. You’re my first love. You’re more important to me than water or air. Thanks to L sèlóng, you already know that, but I can at least confirm it. I wish I could have spared you the hurt and torture you endured. I wish that Lokesh had never found us, and we were still in school. Everything was easy then.”
Ren raised an eyebrow.
“Well,easier, anyway. I wish that we’d never been separated, that you were the one with me in Shangri-la.”
He pressed his palm against my cheek and stroked it lightly with his thumb. “You know I wish for those things too.”
“Yes, I know. But it doesn’t change anything. I’ve thought about this for a long time. Really, ever since you forgot me.” I looked away and twisted my hands. Stammering, I continued, “This isn’t easy for me, and I don’t say this lightly. But weighing everything in the balance, it’s just what makes the most sense.”
“Just spit it out, woman. What are you trying to say?”
I took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. “You’ve been trying to get me to admit that I’m still in love with you. You were right. I am. I’mcrazyin love with you, and I don’t know that my feelings for you areevergoing to change but—”
“But what?” His face darkened slightly. I even blinked, thinking it was a figment of my imagination.
“But … I can’t chooseyouthis time. I’m choosing …Kishan.”
He dropped his hand from my cheek and took a step away. He looked at me with disbelief, and then his expression turned angry. The anger rolled into self-doubt, and then a kind of coolness stole over his face. Ren said nothing for a long minute.
I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, and anxious, I stretched out my hand and touched his forearm. “I need you to understand. This doesn’t mean that I don’t needyou. I’ll always—”
Ren drew himself up and nodded politely, reminding me of that long ago day in the jungle when I rebuffed him after he’d asked for permission to kiss me. Tightly, he spoke, “Of course. I understand.” He edged through the open door and started to leave.
I dashed to the door. “But, Ren—”
He turned his head slightly so that I could see his profile. As if it pained him to look at me, he dropped his eyes and said softly, “The white tiger willalwaysbe your protector, Kelsey. Good-bye,priyatama.”
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