Page 119 of Tiger's Voyage
“Oh, I see.” I flashed back to when Ren and I fixed the star in the red dragon’s lair and bit my lip guiltily.
He continued, “I want you to feel the same way about me that I feel about you. But more than that, I want you to be whole and happy again, like you were in Oregon.” He leaned forward and brushed my cheek with his fingers. “Iloveyou, Kelsey. I’m just not sure if you feel the same or if it’s even possible for us to be together.”
I quashed my guilty thoughts, brought his hand up to my mouth, and kissed his palm. “You know what the problem is? We’ve had very little alone time together on this ship and being in this realm of the Seven Pagodas doesn’t really give us much opportunity for romance. Why don’t we have a candlelight dinner tonight, just the two of us? You wear a tie, and I’ll wear a dress. What do you say?”
“What if we reach the third dragon by then?”
I shrugged. “We’ll improvise. We’ll play it by ear. Has Mr. Kadam figured out the sky disk thing yet?”
“No. He and Ren are working on it. We’re away from the fog of the blue dragon, but we’re at anchor until they figure out what to do next.”
“Okay. Then let’s tell Mr. Kadam we need the night off. It’ll give my leg a chance to heal more too.”
Kishan nodded. “If you’re sure.”
“I’m sure. If a girl can’t take a sick day after fighting a kraken, when can she?”
He laughed. “Truer words were never spoken.”
I was left on my own for the rest of the day, except for Nilima’s constant pillow fluffing. After a couple of hours of boredom, I did some research on the sky disk, which was similar in design to the German Nebra Sky Disk dated 1600 BCE that I’d read about in my art history class. The Nebra Sky Disk was a record of the stars and the summer and winter solstices, so farmers would know the right time to plant certain crops.
The blue dragon’s sky disk was obviously not used for farming. It had markings of stars and seven suns instead of the Nebra’s moon design. A path wound between the stars leading from one of the suns on the bottom to one of the suns at the top.
I flipped open a book to other famous disks and found the Aztec calendar showing the five ages of the world. Each day-sign of the calendar was assigned to a different deity. I thumbed through the pages but didn’t really find anything else that might apply to our situation.
Frustrated, I sighed and set the books and paperwork aside. My mind drifted to something I definitely didn’t want to think about.
It’s time. It’s time to really let Ren go and move on with Kishan. It’s notlike I don’t love Kishan. I do. But I still love Ren too. I think a part of mealways will. Kishan deserves my full attention. He’s probably sensing my innerwavering. I don’t want him to feel like that. I want him to know that I’mcommitted to him.
I had told Ren that once I committed to Kishan I’d stick by him, and I wasn’t the kind of person to play games with people’s feelings. Iwouldstick by him. If I couldn’t forget Ren, then at least I could hide my feelings. I’d lock them away in a tiny part of my heart and never let them out. Drown them in the depths of the sea. Weight my heartache and drop it overboard, letting it sink into the dark abyss.
I wanted things to work out with Kishan, but I knew there was a part of me I’d been holding back. I hadn’t given him my full heart. I hadn’t loved him the way I loved Ren.He deserves more. He deserves better.It’s time for me to let myself love again.
I got out of bed and tested my leg. It seemed much better, and the cuts and bruises around my torso were virtually gone. After consulting with Nilima, we both agreed it was time for the stitches to come out.
She asked the Scarf to remove my stitches, and the threads gently pulled out of my skin. There was still a scar line running down my leg, but it was completely closed and I could walk on it comfortably now. I asked Nilima to help the Scarf make me a dress, and she whipped up a satin cocktail dress with capped sleeves and a scooped court neckline. It was gathered at the right side of the waist, shirred, and pinned with a black jeweled appliqué. The tight knee-length skirt was embellished by a ruffled length of material that curved over my right hip and draped dramatically to the hem.
My original thought was to make it blue, but I quickly realized that would send Kishan the wrong message. We decided to make it antique bronze instead, and the color turned out to be very flattering on me. It brought out my eyes and made my skin look nice. I had the Scarf make me some flat satin slippers to match, which featured the same appliqué as the dress. Thanking Nilima, I began to brush out my hair, and my thoughts turned to the evening ahead.
What could I do? How could I make Kishan realize he wasn’t an outsider? That I really did want this? Want him?I tried to tune in to the little voice in my head and ask my mom for advice. I expectedsomething. She’d always been there before when I needed relationship help. Instead, I got nothing.
Thanks a lot, Mom. What? I’m trying my best here. It’s not like you’rearound to help me with this stuff. Sometimes a girl needs her mother, you know.I paused in mid-thought and sent a mental reproof.You shouldbehere.
I stared in the mirror while mechanically brushing my hair and then finally set the brush down. I looked thin. Pale. I had shadows under my eyes.Not exactly looking my best for a date, though Icanblame myappearance on the kraken.I felt prickly … nervous. I had a knot in my stomach. Numbly, I applied my makeup.
Seeking inspiration from my now shoulder-length hair, I curled it and plucked one of the lotus blooms from Durga’s lei. I studied the flower and expressed a silent hope that she would guide me, that she’d help me get past my stubbornly strong feelings for Ren and give Kishan the love he needed. Shewasthe one encouraging me to take the leap after all.
I swept back one side of my hair with a comb and pinned the white flower over my right ear. Its perfume did give me a sense of comfort. A feeling of peace washed over me, and I felt as if a soft arm had briefly draped across my shoulders, squeezing me in reassurance. Whether Durga or my mother, that feeling gave me a sense of conviction, a belief that everything would be alright. I slipped into my dress and had just put on my slippers when there was a knock on my door.
I was relieved Kishan hadn’t wasted any time. I’d been alone with my thoughts for too long. I slapped a determined smile on my face and opened the door. It turned into a genuine one when I saw how happy he was. He openly admired my dress and handed me a bouquet of silk flowers.
“Sorry they aren’t real. There aren’t any flower shops in the dragon realm it seems.”
“That’s okay. I don’t mind.”
“You look beautiful.”
“So do you.”
