Page 81 of Tiger's Voyage
“No chocolate?” I asked Wes.
He laughed, told the man we’d be back later, and pulled me toward the dance floor. As we wove through the crowd, something caught my attention, and I looked up to find Kishan standing off to the side. He smiled at me briefly before heading to the food. I felt at ease knowing he was there. I could relax. Not that I was on edge with Wes, but there was something comforting about having one of my tigers nearby. I knew I was absolutely safe, like I had my own personal superhero watching over me. Kishan’s presence steadied me and calmed me in a way that bothered me to think about, so I stopped thinking and turned my attention back to Wes.
Throughout the evening, I’d spotted Kishan only one more time, but I felt his eyes on me often. It wasn’t until Wes and I were dancing by the bonfire that I saw Ren.
I froze and didn’t hear a thing Wes said. Ren was surrounded by beautiful, laughing women. Most of them were scantily clad and were flirting with him outrageously. He wore black slacks and a sea-green shirt with the top few buttons undone, which was somehow more appealing than all the other bare-chested men around him. His silky black hair fell over one eye, and he pushed it back as he danced. He paid attention to one girl and leaned over to whisper something to her. Then, when another girl pouted and touched his arm, he gave her his attention and touched her cheek with his fingertip.
There was a blonde, a brunette, a redhead. Tall girls, petite girls, long haired, short haired. I couldn’t stop staring as girls gyrated around him, jockeying for his attention while trying to snuff out the competition. A tall, tan blonde leaned closer to say something to him; he wrapped an arm around her waist and laughed, his white smile dazzling. She reached up to brush the hair out of his eyes, and my pulse slammed. Blood pounded through me. The air became thick. I couldn’t breathe. I took deep gulps trying to prevent myself from throwing up.
Wes had been watching the scene too. “Come on, Kelsey. Let’s go. You don’t need to see that.”
I let Wes pull me away, and the sick feeling turned into a deep burning rage. I trembled with it. I wanted to heat up my hand and blast the head off of every single girl who’d touched him. I wanted to pummel him with electric shocks. Better yet, I wanted lightning to strike me dead, so I could stop feeling this terrible vibrating rage, this bitter hurt. I felt like everything good and happy had been drained out of me and had been replaced with burning lava. I wouldn’t have been surprised if steam was shooting out of my ears.
I spied Kishan at the edge of the crowd, which calmed me. My mom would have said, “Kells, now that’s a young man you can rely on,” and she would have been right. He’d been a constant at my side since Oregon. Never pushing, never asking more of me than I was willing to give. He was good to me.
Kishan and I looked at each other for a brief moment. In that look, I knew he was asking if I needed him. I shook my head slightly and closed my eyes. When I opened them, he was gone. The lava cooled and cracked. My insides turned black and crumbled into dust. No amount of water could wash away the thick dust choking me. My limbs were heavy weights. I sagged under the pressure and felt like collapsing to the ground.
Wes touched my hand, and I snapped out of it.
“Sorry, Wes. I’m just …”
“You’re in shock. I understand. He shouldn’t have come out here and paraded himself around like that.”
I stated dully, “He can do whatever he wants to. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Let me get you a fruit drink. Some sugar will do you good.”
Wes brought me back something tall and red and delicious. I sipped it slowly to humor him. I felt the sweet drink slide down my throat before dropping into a never-ending pit in my middle. I imagined it hit the black char inside me, hissed, and disappeared along with everything else.
Wes wanted to dance some more, and I told him I’d stay but only for a few more songs. We stayed far away from where I’d seen Ren. I danced, but my heart wasn’t in it anymore. I just wanted to go to the ship. Wes agreed to take me back, and somewhere in my mind I felt sorry for ruining the big party that he’d looked forward to all year, but the regret was quickly overwhelmed with my own personal list of “sorry fors.”
We started back up the beach. The music had changed to a slow song. I spied a flash of green out of the corner of my eye and couldn’t help it. I turned to look.
Ren was dancing with a pretty Indian girl in a yellow sari. Her long dark hair reached almost to her waist. His hand was splayed out on the bare skin of her back. Laughing, he ducked his head to listen to something she was saying. When he raised his head and spun the woman toward me, I gasped. The beautiful woman wasNilima.
I tore my eyes from the couple and stared straight ahead. Wes was talking about something, but his words couldn’t penetrate the mental fog in my brain. Eventually, he stopped talking and just held my hand as we walked back to the ship. He dropped me at my door, kissed my cheek in sympathy, and then I was alone.
I tore off my dress and fell on my bed staring wide-eyed at the dark ceiling. I heard the unmistakable sounds of fireworks and the cheering of the crowd out on the beach. Something burst inside me, a wall or a shield, maybe. It cracked and broke and silent tears slipped down my cheeks. Once they started, they wouldn’t stop. It was the first time I’d cried since Ren broke up with me, and as I wiped away the tears I vowed it would be the last.
I had nightmares, but someone came into my room, a man. He touched my forehead while I slept. I was aware of it, but I was too exhausted to open my eyes. He whispered comforting words in his native language. The inner turmoil calmed, and I dropped into a restful sleep. Perhaps it was real; perhaps it was a dream. Either way, I knew I was loved.
The next morning, I rose, washed my face, dressed, and headed up to the gym. I found Kishan there getting ready to do his morning workout.
“Hey, Kells. Want to work out with me?”
“Maybe later. I came here to ask you a question.”
He set down a towel and turned to me. “Okay. Go ahead.”
I wrung my hands and looked at the floor as I mumbled, “Will you have dinner with me tonight?”
12
Something New
“Don’t I eat dinner with you every night?” Kishan laughed.
“I’m … I’m trying to ask you out on adate,” I mumbled quietly.
