Page 110 of Tiger's Destiny
“You’re jealous.”
Kishan finally turned to me. “Of course I’m jealous.”
I looked into his golden eyes and apologized. “I’m sorry, Kishan. It’s me you should be mad at. I missed Ren, but it wasn’t appropriate for me to seek him out like that.”
Kishan let out a deep sigh, took my hands, and kissed them one by one. “I’m overreacting. Forgive me.”
“If you’ll forgive me.”
“Always.”
He put his arm around my shoulders, and we stood there watching the spectacle for a moment before I asked, “Kishan, what exactly does it mean to be a consort? Is it like a bosom companion? That sort of thing?”
“Do you mean in our time or now?”
“Now.”
“It means life companion. Usually a consort is the spouse of a ruling monarch. Why do you ask?”
A lump formed in my throat, and my eyes burned.
“It means marriage?” I stammered.
“It could mean betrothed as well.” Kishan placed a hand on my shoulders and turned me to face him. “What’s wrong, Kelsey?”
“Anamika told me that Ren is to act as her consort until the war is over.”
“I see.”
Kishan lifted his head and quietly studied Anamika and Ren as they mingled with the crowd.
Ineffectually trying to push away the horrible emotions I was feeling, I said, “I don’t want to put any of us in a dangerous position because I can’t seem to follow the proper rules of etiquette for this time. You are my fiancé and Ren is . . . hers. I should have stayed by your side.”
Kishan nodded distractedly.
As I linked my arm with Kishan’s, I wondered if this consort thing was truly temporary or if Ren had feelings for Anamika.In his letter, he mentioned a parting. Did he intend to stay here and really become Anamika’s consort? It sure didn’t look like Anamika would object to the idea. I still love Ren. The Phoenix made me acknowledge that. Should I tell him or leave it alone? What if he rejects me and chooses Anamika? Acknowledging I loved him didn’t necessarily mean I’d get him back. She is beautiful. Why would Ren choose me when he could have a goddess? He could be a king, a god standing by her side.
I bit back a quiet sob and acknowledged for the first time that Ren’s destiny might not match with mine. I might not get to keep him in my life at all, even as a friend.
I am going to lose him . . . forever. And what about Kishan? He had promised to always forgive me and he would learn to live with it if I should choose another. If I told him that I’m still in love with Ren, what would he do? Is that much forgiveness even possible? Would he hate me forever? Return to the jungle to live a life of loneliness and isolation?
In that moment, I knew it didn’t matter. It made no difference if Ren decided to be with Anamika or if Kishan ever forgave me. They both needed to know everything. They both needed to be aware of how I felt. I would have to get each of them alone and share what was in my heart. If one or both of them chose to leave me, then I’d just have to deal with it. I couldn’t continue to run away from heartache. I owed them that much. Phet was right when he said both men were good choices. Both of them were noble and brave, handsome and kind, and they deserved more than I had given them.
Kishan stayed by me as I watched the proceedings and told me what everyone was saying. I squeezed his arm, grateful for the good man that he was.
After some political posturing, Anamika asked everyone to gather for a banquet. Tables were brought and with the flourish of her hand, Anamika used the power of the Scarf (which was tied around her wrist) to create the finest of cloths to lay upon them. The threads of the Scarf wove its magic, and the warriors and Anamika’s men gasped in wonder.
I made a small sound of protest and took a step forward, but Kishan held me back.
“What’s done is done, Kelsey. Ren has obviously instructed her in the use of Durga’s gifts.”
Anamika filled the table with plates of food, and the men sitting at the banquet cheered as she moved from place to place, filling cups and trenchers with special treats from each man’s homeland. She then took her place at the head of the table with Ren sitting at her side. He squeezed her hand, and at the same moment, I felt as if something black had squeezed my heart.
A place was made for me and Kishan, and after he pulled out my chair, I sat stiffly. I smiled when someone offered me food and accepted it gratefully, but everything I tasted turned to ash in my mouth, and no amount of drink could wet my dry throat.
I watched Ren and Anamika together and imagined him as her king. The prick of bitter jealousy tore through my heart—and not only because of Ren. I knew that the Divine Scarf and the Golden Fruit were for Durga and that Anamika was or would become Durga, but it was hard letting those gifts go. To give over that kind of power and be left with nothing was difficult.
Kishan had been envious of Ren getting the glory, and here I was feeling the same way about Anamika. I sat at dinner telling myself over and over that the Scarf and the Golden Fruit belonged to her, not to me. I fingered the Pearl Necklace at my throat and wondered if there was a way I could at least keep that gift to myself.
