Page 86 of Tiger's Trek
“Your mother sees you naked?”
“Doesn’t yours?”
“No! She’s dead. And even if she weren’t—no!”
“What’s wrong with you, boy? Someone’s gotta check you over for leeches and the like. If you don’t got a gal, then who?”
“I don’t get leeches. Even if I did, I suppose I could check myself.”
Pasha squished his face in pity. “Ah, I see. Got a wee one, do ya?”
“No, I don’t got a...” Nik grunted. “Just mind your own business!”
They heard a snap in the trees nearby, and all Pasha’s nearly finished clothes suddenly fell to the forest floor. “It’s the carriage coming. They’re almost here! Quick, take these flowers.”
Two bouquets of strange-looking flowers appeared on top of a stump, and the still-naked man thrust them into Nik’s arms.
“Look, I don’t want to go on a date with you and one of those swamp creatures that tried to eat us,” Nik said. “Forget it.”
“Swamp creature?” Pasha said, wriggling into his pants. “That wasn’t my gal. That was who my gal was feeding me to. Very different thing.”
“Ah, that’s right. Well, in that case...no!”
“Need I remind you, boy: Youoweme.”
“I don’t care.”
“You will! I can make that wee package of yours smaller, ya know!”
Nik’s mouth fell open. After gasping, fish-mouthed for a few seconds, he yelled, “Still. Not. Doing. It.”
“Stubborn. Muleheaded. Stump-kicker!” Pasha hissed. “Woulda thought I had you with that one.”
Just then a huge carriage pulled by six of the largest plumed birds Nik had ever seen pulled up next to them. Their talons and bills were sharp, and he had no doubt they could sever his arm if they wanted to. And yet they were well controlled by the driver, who handled the reins expertly. One of them cried out, and Nik had to cover his ears.
“What are those?” he asked Pasha. “Why use those instead of horses?”
“Because the Games are on top of a mountain, boy. We have to fly there,” the likho said.
The carriage door opened, and a lady stepped out. She was graceful in her own way and looked a bit like Pasha. She was the same height, but instead of one eye, she had two. He caught her hand and helped her down, then kissed it a sickening number of times, saying, “My lovely darling, my honey muffin, my kukolka.”
“Nikolai,” he said, turning around. “I want to introduce my malyshka, Polina.”
“Kak dela, Polina,” Nik said, bowing.
“Khorosho, a u vas?” she replied.
“I’m well too, all things considered,” Nik said.
“Wonderful. I’m so happy you agreed to take us, my luchik, my sweetums,” she said to Pasha. “I’ve so been looking forward to the Games, as you well know.”
“I do know, rodnoy. I was just telling the boy here all about it.”
“Oh good. How fortunate you found a traveling companion for my dear sister. I just know you’ll love her as I do. Pushka! You can come out now.”
“I’ll come out when his lips are off you. Is he finished yet?”
“Never,” Pasha said loudly.
