Page 87 of Tiger's Trek
Polina giggled, and Nik rolled his eyes and said under his breath, “At least we have something in common.”
“There, you see, boy? You’re bound to have a great time. Hop in. Let’s be off. Come, my dear,” he said to Polina, helping her back into the carriage. After his girlfriend was settled, he turned to Nik, who stood there stubbornly with his arms folded across his chest and said, “Look, if you come with me, I’ll teach you a bit of magic. Deal?” Pasha could see the spark in Nik’s eyes and knew he had him.
“Fine,” Nik said, finally agreeing. “Just don’t leave me alone with the sister. I don’t want her getting any ideas.”
“Okay, whatever. Just don’t blow this for me.”
“Get into the carriage, lover boy.”
Pasha climbed in, and Nikolai hopped in behind him and settled on the only open seat, wincing when he saw he had an up-close-and-personal view of Pasha and his girl, Polina, giggling and necking on the opposite bench. Trying to steel himself for a very long and uncomfortable weekend, he turned away from the lovebirds, hoping to start up a conversation with his date, only to find her veil lowered over her face. It was probably a way for her to shield her sister and her lover from view.
Pasha came up for breath long enough to introduce Polina’s sister. “Nikolai, this is Pushka. Pushka”—he nodded—“meet Nik.”
“Charmed,” she said drolly from behind her veil.
“Likewise,” mumbled Nik. He laid his head back against the cushion and wished he had such a device. It would come in handy at the moment.
Rolling his eyes, Pasha went back to kissing the very long arm of his much taller girlfriend, leaving Nik to muse on the physical mechanics of such relationships. Then he remembered the strange pairing of the kikimora and the leshi and thought that might have been an even more difficult pairing.
As for himself, his sights were set on merely the impossible—a tsarevna who may or may not be at that very moment a tiger.Where are you, Veru?he thought.Are you safe?Since the day he’d met her, they’d never spent time apart. At least not until he’d rode out to meet Grigor, the powerful man in the woods who’d destroyed everything. It was his fault. He’d done this. Nik suddenly realized that it wasn’t forgiveness he needed—it was power. Power to destroy the man who’d come to destroy his dreams. If he could somehow go back and undo the things that had been done, maybe then he could stop the tigers from coming into their lives in the first place. But that was impossible. Wasn’t it?
The ride was bumpy and uncomfortable not only due to the lack of conversation and the couple making out in the carriage but because there wasn’t an actual road for them to travel upon. That would seem an obvious necessity to Nik but apparently not to Pasha. Not only that, but the bird creatures pulling the carriage didn’t have the smoothest gait. In fact, they didn’t seem coordinated in any way at all. Soon it didn’t matter, though, because the driver shouted back, “Clearing ahead. Prepare for takeoff.”
Nikolai didn’t know what to expect, but apparently everyone else did. The osculation session stopped, and they all gripped a bar overhead. Not thinking to do the same, Nik fell awkwardly into the lap of his seat partner when the carriage suddenly lurched sideways, and then they took to the air. He apologized and sat up, but the girl didn’t even respond. Out the small window, he could see the driver clearing the tops of the trees and then the man lifted a knout, cracking the whip in the air above the heads of the strange birds, who had spread out and were flying in two long lines, pulling the carriage behind them.
He looked out the window and saw they’d climbed high and far. A wide, ice-clogged river ran snakelike through the forest and up toward some glacial peaks. Far out on the blue water, he could just make out a narrow, wooden fishing boat, struggling to haul in a catch. Sometimes he felt like that fisherman—caught between summer and winter, toiling in an in-between place, waiting for one season or the other to take hold just so he could move on with life.
Imagining he was that fisherman, Nik thought about just how easy it would be to simply kick one leg and then the other over the side of the boat and slip into those icy waters. There were days when it seemed to him that the effort was just too hard. Were fish even worth that much work? Did anyone care if he came back with a catch at all? Who was he doing all this for, anyway?
The carriage lurched again, and Nik caught himself staring directly into Pasha’s eyes. The man shook his head with a too-knowing expression and pointed to his own back, mouthing, “The sorrow.” Nik ignored him and turned back to the window. If there was a giant sorrow weighing him down, it certainlywouldsink him down in that river quickly enough. He wondered again if Veru would even miss him, assuming she was still alive, and if she was, she probably blamed him for all that had happened. He certainly blamed himself. Nik hadn’t been smart trying to run after her. If he had stayed where he was, at least he’d be with the others. Fat lot of good his special gifts had done for him. If Veruwasdead, that was on him too. It would serve him right to lose the only person left the world who meant anything to him. The seat groaned as he sank in it further. He did feel it that time. His boots might work now. Maybe he could run. Go looking for her again.
Someone tapped him on the shoulder. “I’ve got one too, by the way.”
“Wh-what?” Nik asked, distracted from his thoughts.
“A sorrow. Pasha says mine’s small, but it’s still there. Yours is big enough even I can see it.Sorry.”
“Oh. I can’t. See yours or mine, I mean.”
“Yeah. They say when they get that big, they cloud your vision. Make you blind to reality. Makes sense now.”
“I guess. So you’re... Pushka, right?”
“Da. Fun name, isn’t it? My sestra teases me about being pushy. I’m not though.”
“I wouldn’t have assumed you were,” Nik said. “Or that you had a sorrow. Is there a way to get rid of them?”
“It’s hard to do. There’s something about finding your inner peace or making peace with who you are. I don’t know. Theories abound on the subject.”
“Pasha said I have to experience ultimate joy.”
“Yeah. He told me the same thing. Then he also said most people carry around a little sorrow. It’s like the common cold. Everyone gets it at some point. The trick is not letting it defeat you. Or building up an immunity to it or something.”
“I guess. The thing is, I don’t think I ever have.”
“Ever have what?”
“Experienced ultimate joy. I mean, I don’t know what it would feel like.”
