Page 54 of A Little Bit Reckless
“Ambrose, are you fucking demented? Nobody’s going behind anybody’s back. Well, not really. Not on purpose anyway,” Bru said, then looked at me. He frowned at Wells. “And last I checked,youjust kissed her too.”
It was like the reality of that just resonated with Wells, and his eyes widened in actual horror. Wells did kiss me: even though he didn’t kiss me back, he didn’t stop it either.
“That’s not the same,” Wells said, his jaw tight. He stared at the floor, and I felt gut punched; both these guys were talking about me like I wasn’t even there. I doubted Bru was doing it on purpose, but I couldn’t help feeling invisible in that moment.
I was so tired of feeling invisible.
Invisibility didn’t just make you feel small. It made you feel inferior, like you didn’t matter. Likewhat you wanteddidn’t matter. It made you make poor choices.
It made you make mistakes.
I wasso tiredof not having agency in my own life. It felt like that was the case more often than not, and that was all I was thinking when I approached the boys again. I refused to think when I grabbed Wells and pressed my mouth to hisagain.
I just did it.
I wanted to kiss Wells. I wanted that feeling of our mouths together again…
I think I’d wanted it for a long time.
Wells froze again, but, this time, his mouth parted. He let me divide his lips with mine.
He even groaned.
“Squeak, what the fuck are you doing?” he asked me. He lifted his hands. “Stop it.”
No, I wasn’t stopping. I wanted to kiss him and maybe a part of him wanted to kiss me too. He actually soundedjealousthat he thought Bru was the one I lost my virginity to. He made it sound like that was about Thatcher, but I wasn’t so sure. WellsAmbrose didn’t always use to hate me. He used to like me, maybe not romantically, but he hadn’t despised me. He used to protect me.
“Archer,” I said, seeking out that boy I loved. I wanted him. I wanted him so badly to come back. I pushed my hands in his hair. “I need you.”
A noise escaped Wells’s chest. It sounded angry, violent, and, when he grabbed me, he pressed me up against the wall. The impact sent the air flying from my lungs, and Wells gazed down at me with a ray of heat I could only explain as madness. He gripped my arms. “I saidfuckingno. Do you understand me? I don’t want you. I don’t want…”
His voice was strained, heavy.
His chest rose. “I don’t fucking want you, Squeak. Not like that. I can’t.”
Can’t?
He shook his head. “Please…”
It sounded almost like a plea, but his hands didn’t leave my body. My chest rose up with rapid breaths in response, and Wells followed the movement with his green eyes. He staredat my breaststhrough my top, and I felt a new heat blast through me. No way could Wells Ambrose actually want me.
No way.
My mind had played with the thought before, but I hadn’t actually believed it.
I touched his chest.
“Stop, Bow.” He called me by my name this time. NotSqueakor something equally condescending. He squeezed my arms. “I can’t.”
I can’twasn’t that he didn’t want to. It wasn’t that he didn’t want me.
And that was enough for me.
It was enough for me to be brave again, so I wrapped my arms around him. Immediately, Wells cuffed my wrists and worked them off his neck.
“I won’t,” he said this time, but, once more, he didn’t fight when I pressed my lips to his. He let them settle, and his eyes shut so tight. A noise left his mouth. “You have to stop this. You can’t let me do this.”
His mouth trembled against mine, and I instantly felt the moment the tide shifted. When his mouth parted with mine and pushed back.
