Page 70 of A Little Bit Reckless
I had nothing to give either one of them. I had nothing because I wasn’t worthy of either of them. Bru was such a good guy too, and, if they were smart, they’d be together. They were perfect for each other.
The thought of that broke something inside me. Bru and Bow deserved each other and that didn’t include me. It didn’t include the pain or the burden of me.
“You don’t hate me?” Bow’s lips quivered, the words gasping from her mouth. She was so fucking innocent,toofucking innocent.
“Hating you meant I didn’t have to admit the truth to myself,” I said, and the sadness in her eyes nearly broke me. They were ringed with a despair that burrowed its way inside and carved me from the inside out. This girl would feel bad for me like I didn’t literally treat her like shit for years. People actually started alienating her for the shit that happened over that summer. They felt bad for me, and that was laughable. My throat worked. “Punishing you meant I could go on with the lie.”
“Lie?”
“That I wasn’t completely and hopelessly in love with you.”
Her mouth parted and she looked in awe of me,in awelike what I said to her wasn’t a complete betrayal of her brother. Like I had any fucking right to love this girl.
I lifted her closer in the water. She needed to fucking hear what I had to say, and it was such a mistake bringing her to me. She felt so good, her breasts perfect and quivering. She was inches away from my chest and I had to physically fight to keep her there.
Let her go.
I was. After this moment, this touch, I would no longer be her burden. I was going to go tell Thatcher the truth, and, after that,I didn’t know what happened. I could lose one of my best friends and the ache of that nearly shattered me into smaller pieces than I was already broken into.
Because I knew what I had to do next.
“I can’t love you, Bow,” I said and couldn’t even look at her. I was looking behind her, at the wall like some weak fucker. My jaw clenched tight. “I don’t have a right to love you.”
I whispered the words, but I think she heard them. She touched my face, turning it toward her so I had to look at her. She was looking at me like I wasn’t the sinner, the monster who let a girl die, then punished her for it for years. She was staring at me, with all the goodness in her heart, like I was good.
And I almost believed her.
Bow had a pureness about her that made a guy see himself differently and, for a time, I thought I could be different. When we were kids, I willingly became her archer. I denied my truth. I was never this girl’s hero.
I was the devil in human skin.
Bow said nothing. She merely guided my head down. She pushed her fingers back into my hair and I was weak again. I didn’t stop her, but I did grab her wrist. I clenched it. “I’m the asshole who falls for my best friend’s sister, then lies about it. I punished herfor yearsafter I let a girl drown because of that lie.”
She winced in front of me but she didn’t recoil. If anything, she brought me closer and used her other hand to do it, putting it on my chest. It burned into me so hot I thought I’d lose myself.
Stop her.
I was such a weak fuck, andIwas wincing now. I knew I had to let her go, but I couldn’t find the will. I was letting her touch me, letting her look at me like she felt sorry for me, when all I did was ruin her life. I also stole someone else’s. Didn’t she see that?
“I’m not worthy of you, Bow,” I said, and she winced again. There was sympathy in her blue eyes, maybe even empathy. This girl was too kind for her own good. My jaw moved. “You and Bru can do so much better.”
She stopped then. She stopped getting closer, and I hoped that reality finally hit her. She knew I was right. She and Bru were good people.Theyshould be together.
“You should be with him,” I said. If she was to choose someone, it should be him. He was good enough for her, and she was great for him. He’d been dealt a shitty hand in the past, and, though he’d overcome it, I knew Bow could be that missing piece. She could give him so much love.
Her hand on me ached at this point, envisioning her and him together. It was right, though. It made sense.
I looked away, but I came back when she touched my jaw. I squeezed her wrist. “You shouldn’t touch me. You should go be with him. You guys would be great together.”
They would be great, amazing.
I shut my eyes. “I don’t deserve either one of you guys.”
“You’re right. You don’t.”
My eyes flashed open. Little Bow was standing in front of me, and she was completely serious. She also still had her hands on me and used them to angle my head down to look at her. Her mouth parted. “But the thing is, you don’t get a choice.Iget to choose. And he gets to choose too, Wells Ambrose.”
I didn’t understand. Didn’t she hear what I said? Anything I said? I wet my lips. “I made people hate you. Alienate you because I couldn’t admit the truth to myself. I couldn’t admit my mistakes and how I?—”
