Page 74 of A Little Bit Reckless
It was weird to think about there being athree of us. I mean, I was still trying to wrap my head around what happened with Wells and me in the pool.
“I don’t hate you, Bow. I hate me. I hate what I did.”
The fact that Wells hated himself made me sad, but it made sense. He’d been channeling all that aggression toward me when, the whole time, he actually held guilt. He held guilt because he’d been watching me that day at the pool,and even though I had a crush on him for longer than I remembered back then, I never thought in any reality that’d been reciprocated.
And then there was Bru.
My heart surged thinking about being with either one of them, let alone both of them.
The three of us decided to meet up the following weekend at one of my parents’ cabins. My parents had several around the country since my dad was in real estate amongst other things. Things with school had basically wrapped but there was still a lot of traffic around campus with people moving out and everything. Normally, I’d be focusing on my move-out too.
I’d be focusing on that or something else.
The frequent calls to my phone had stopped. The texts too. It was like things had started over in my life just in time for something else to happen. I never anticipated what Wells had told me. I’d always wanted his forgiveness, and it was a crazy spin that he needed mine. It was like he needed my love too, and to wrap my head around that…
My friends and I spent many summers and even a few holidays at the cabin with our families. The dads would take the sons fishing while the moms and daughters would bake or go shopping. It was just a fun time with family and friends.
I wanted some time to myself at the cabin. I just neededto breatheand think about whatever was going to happen, so I told the guys I’d meet them up there. I gave them the code to get in, but I didn’t think that would be necessary in the end since I planned to get there early. Again, I’d just wanted to think.
Apparently, the guys had the same idea.
Bru’s Audi was already there, and I wondered if they arrived together since I didn’t see Wells’s car.
I decided to take my breaths in the ride share I pulled up in. Bru had texted me several times on my way up. He’d wanted to drive me himself, but I made up some excuses about needing to do a few things on campus. In reality, I’d just wanted the time alone and I’d also felt sick again that morning. I’d more so felt nauseous. I’d never had a strong stomach when it came to my nerves.
And I wasnervous.
I’d never had anything like this happen to me before. In fact, being alone had been my religion for so long that I’d just kind of gotten used to it.
You weren’t always alone.
I supposed I wasn’t, but my stomach turned if I thought about that. When I’d helped one of my professors last year, it was supposed to be for extra credit. I hadn’t needed the extra credit but burying myself in schoolwork was just what I did. It was how I dealt with my loneliness.
“Come back to me, Bow. It’ll be different this time.”
This time, it would be different. This time, it wasn’t my loneliness that was guiding my actions. I was doing something because I wanted something. There was no desperation, and that was what settled my stomach when I ultimately got out of the ride share.
Bru was waiting for me at the door. He had a smile on, his hands in the pockets of his well-worn jeans. Those were my favorite jeans on him, and I didn’t know I liked jeans like that until, well, him.
“Hey.” He brought his long wingspan around me at the door, and I sucked in a breath. I sucked in the smell of him, the essence of him. His masculine scent was like being surrounded by a warm breeze in nature, when the sun peeks through the canopy of large trees and makes you feel good, safe.
I always felt safe with Bru, and maybe that was why kissing him in his car had felt natural. He noticed I had a bag with me but didn’t say anything about it when he took it.
Again, I didn’t know what this was.
I didn’t know if it was presumptuous of me, but I packed, um, stuff. I was prepared to stay the weekend, stay with them.
Wells sat in my dad’s armchair.
He had on jeans too, the ones that hugged his long legs, but he had holes in his whereas Bru never wore jeans like that. Bruwas like the boy next door, and Wells was always the local bad boy.
Wells’s head lifted when I came in, and he smiled. Wells got up, but he didn’t hug me.
If anything, he kept his distance.
“Hey, Squeak,” Wells said. His green eyes were warm, but his expression was tight, serious. I didn’t know what that meant. Things were so different at the pool. Until it was over. It was like reality had hit him with the way he helped me put on my clothes, then later took me home.
Maybe Wells was going to tell me what happened between us at the pool had been a mistake. Maybe he didn’t like me, let alone love me like he said.
