Page 107 of Faux Real
God, I hate messes.
“Kenny?” Max waves her hand in front of my face. “Hello? Are you having a stroke?”
“What?” I ask, flicking my gaze up and scanning the faces of my friends. “Oh, umm, yeah, totally.”
Felicity blinks. “Did you even hear what she asked?”
“Kenny, girl,” Leon sighs, tilting his head. “You need to get over that piece of shit, okay? This whole sad girl Billie Eilish vibe was cute for a minute but it’s time to hop on the Prozac train and join us back in Happyland, okay?”
I sigh, forcing a smile. “I’m fine, just tired.”
Felicity rolls her eyes. “Babe, you’ve been wearing black for weeks now, it’s like you’re in mourning. Clearly, you’re not fine.”
“It’s the school uniform, Fel,” I say lifelessly. “Kinda not my decision.”
“Yeah, okay Wednesday Addams,” Felicity tuts, pushing her empty plate to the side. “Whatever you say.” She lowers her voice as she turns to Leon. “Didn’t know uniforms were mandatory on weekends too.”
“Fel, enough,” Max chimes in, giving me a gentle side-eye. “Don’t be a dick to Ken, she’s trying. Right?”
“Mhmm,” I hum, taking a sip of water. “Sure am.”
Felicity lets out a grumble as she and Leon stand up. “Let’s go before she sucks our life force.” She looks down at Maxine. “Do something, Max. She can’t sulk forever.”
Max glowers at Felicity. “You’re not really helping, you know that right?”
Felicity sucks in a sharp breath as she stares at me. “I’m sorry if I’m being a little harsh, it’s just that we miss the old you.”
“We just want our friend back,” Leon adds. “We miss you, Kenny. The real you, not this—” He waves his hand around. “Watered-down version you’ve become.”
“It’s just a breakup, Ken,” Fel says. “It’s not the end of the world. You barely even knew the guy.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” I say, standing up. Sheisright. I didn’t know him. Clearly, I didn’t. I don’t know anything. Not anymore. “I have to go meet with Mrs. Patella before class. I’ll see you guys later.”
Max calls my name but I’m already heading toward the doors. I just need to stick to my schedule. Wake up. Run. Study. Class. Volunteer. Study. Sleep. That’s all I can do. Structure. Structure is said to be beneficial in times of uncertainty. And I’m uncertain...about everything.
“Kennedy, please talk to me. Stop, please.”
He’s always around. Always. Like afuckingghost.
“No.” I close my eyes, picking up my pace as I walk down the hallway.
“Kennedy!” His footsteps get louder, faster, more urgent. “Stop!” For the first time in weeks, I feel his hand on my arm. His touch is gentle, pleading, and it makes my head spin. “Please, just talk to me.” I spin around, meeting his glossy eyes. “Please.”
“What do you want, Oliver?” I ask, pulling away from him and hugging myself. Protecting myself. Making sure my shields are strong, sturdy, bulletproof. I need protection against his words, his declarations.Him. “Well?”
“I’m sorry,” he says, flitting his gaze across my face. He looks tired. More tired than me. If that’s even possible. “I am so sorry, Kennedy, I truly am.”
“You said that already, many times,” I note. “Anything else?”
He sighs. “You’re never going to forgive me, are you?”
“I forgive you,” I say matter-of-factly. “You’re forgiven. Can I go now?”
Oliver shakes his head. “What can I do, Ken? What can I say to make you believe me? I never meant to hurt you, I—”
“But you did,” I say, swallowing. “And you can’t undo that.”
“I know,” he whispers. “But I promise you, if you give me one more chance, I will never make you feel like this again. Please, Kennedy. Give me one more chance. I’m—” He pauses, looking away. “I’ve been working on some things. Things I—I needed to fix about myself, about how I...deal with—”
