Page 110 of Faux Real
Shewas gold.
And I was a bloody idiot for treating her like fucking aluminum. My foot bounces restlessly against the floor as I stare blankly at my computer screen, my thoughts held hostage by the gut-wrecking idea that I might not be capable of mending what I’ve broken. But I can’t let those thoughts win. Not a chance. My parents have deemed me many things over the years; problematic, a mess, a nuisance, and a trait that will hopefully be highly beneficial right now— stubborn.
Iwillfix this. Ineedto fix this.
My gaze darts to the trash can.Fuck’s sake.I really need a smoke. I close my eyes, turning away. No. No. How will that help? It’s not like a hit of nicotine is going to magically alter the circumstances. It’s not going to make anything better. Only I can fix this. Me. Alone. Not any substance. Not any distraction. Just me.
I hope I’m enough.
“Hello?” The door to the dorm opens a crack, Maxine’s head poking through. “Cliff? You here?”
“He’s at work,” I say, rotating my computer chair. “Just missed him.”
“Oh,” Maxine nods, slowly waltzing into my room. “Dang it. What are the odds?”
“Was there something else you needed?” I cross my arms, studying her scheming face as she sits on Cliff’s bed. “Max?”
“Not really,” she says with a shrug, avoiding eye contact. “Just wanted to see how you’re doing, you know, how you’re feeling abouteverything.”
“Like shit, Maxine,” I state honestly. “Like utter shit.”
Max sighs, clicking her tongue. “Just give it time, Ollie.”
“You’ve been saying that for weeks now,” I note, a ball of nerves in my throat. “Nothing’s changed. She fucking hates me. She won’t even look at me, Max. It’s like she’s deleted me from her surroundings.”
“She doesn’t hate you, Ollie,” Max says, tilting her head. “She’s just... hurt and embarrassed.”
“Embarrassed?” I ask, frowning. “Why would she be embarrassed? She didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one that fucked up, not her.”
Max blinks. “Welcome to being a girl in high school.”
“What?”
Max clicks her tongue, clearly annoyed with me as she leans forward.“You... man. She... woman. Man. Cheat. Woman. Problem.”
“Huh?”
“Oh, dear God,” Max grumbles, pinching her nose. “The whole school thinks you cheated on Kenny, which for some unknown reason in the land of the patriarchy, makes Kennedy look bad, not you. So not only is she hurt by your actions but now she has to suffer the consequences of ingrained fucking misogyny. Following along, Knight?”
“That makes zero fucking sense,” I say. “This is not on Kennedy,at all.It’s on me. She didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Yeah, I know but the world doesn’t work like that,” Max says. “Look, I know she’s not over you, not even close but you need to give her time. That’s all I can suggest, okay?”
“Do Ihavetime?” I ask, jaw twitching as I recall my last encounter with Kennedy. “Redford looks like he’s ready to pounce at a moment’s notice.”
Maxine rolls her eyes. “I wouldn’t worry about Sawyer if I were you. As long as he’s with Corn, he won’t do anything shady. He’s actually a nice dude.”
I scoff. “Sure.”
“Oh come on, Ollie,” Max says, standing up. “Have a little confidence, will ya? This woe-is-me attitude isn’t going to get your girl back.” Max claps her hands. “Buck up, soldier, and know your worth!”
“Christ,” I manage a chuckle. “My own personal cheerleader. Lovely.”
“Hey, I’m on hashtag team Ollie,” she says. “You might be a total dick sometimes, but I think you’re good for Ken so I’m rooting for you to unfuck up this situation.”
“Well, thanks,” I say. “Glad I have at least one supporter.”
“Why don’t you come to Lemar’s party tomorrow?” Max suggests. “Could be a good opportunity to get Kenny alone? Maybe talk?”
